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Original poster

I'm off sick this week and today I have

81 replies

QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 13:17

  • got the washing and ironing up straight
  • made a start on some online Christmas shopping
  • arranged a counsellor for DS1
  • booked a table for DS2 and I to go out for dinner tonight
  • arranged a social event to look forward to next weekend
  • done the IHT declaration for DH's estate
  • finally applied for probate
  • finally spoken to the right people about his army pension
  • arranged for the house deeds to be amended
  • Now I'm off to collect an order from the butcher

I've been very honest with work, admitted I've been limping on for the last few weeks and that I'm not coping so well and asked for some time to regroup, which they've been very good about. I've been putting off some of these things for 4 months and it feels soooo good to get them done, although I know some will disapprove that I've done it in sick time.

I might go for a walk in the woods after the butcher and then see if my mum's in for a cuppa Smile

This time has done me the world of good but almost impossible to get in the usual course of thing. For the first time in ages I'm looking forward to the weekend and raring to go for Monday.

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 26/11/2021 15:20

@Shedmistress even still, someone doesn't have to be dead in order for a person to take a mental health day off. Life shouldn't be a race to the bottom.

Tiredalwaystired · 26/11/2021 15:20

@QualityChecked

Nice. Did you miss the bit where my husband died? The doctor would have signed me off for the last 4 months if I'd asked, I probably should have but I've limped on. I work in school, holiday isn't an option. Thankfully my employer is more sympathetic though.
To be fair to the poster it doesn’t say anything about your husband dying. I initially read it as you’ve been limping.

It was only after reading a few more posts I realised you’d had a bereavement. It wasn’t clear

Once you understand that it isn’t unreasonable at all, but on a first read I’m not surprised it was read another way

Glad it’s helped with your healing process.

CorrBlimeyGG · 26/11/2021 15:21

No idea what a IHT declaration is so no

Or probate? Or why someone would be administering their husband's estate?

You can't blame the OP for your own ignorance.

WomblingKnobhead · 26/11/2021 15:23

If I was your boss I'd be really happy to read this 💐 A great result for you and ultimately your employer

Todayissunny · 26/11/2021 15:24

It sounds good that you have taken time off. You are obviously feeling overwhelmed. It will probably prevent you suffering a burnout in a few months time and going off long term sick.
I was once close to burnout. The doctor wrote me off sick for two weeks and prescribed me to get on a plane, takr a holiday and visit my family for a few days.

Cas112 · 26/11/2021 15:37

YANBU well done!

You clearly needed the time off and I bet it has helped mentally! Totally justified!

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 26/11/2021 16:05

@Mantlemoose

Yep I disapprove you should have taken holiday or unpaid leave imo. Being off sick is to rest and recuperate nit to get a backlog of personal stuff done.
Are you Nanny McPhee?
Hetyanni · 26/11/2021 16:19

Sounds like exactly what you needed. I work in a school too so understand no ability to book AL. We support each other with the odd mental health day - everyone needs them sometimes. In your case sounds more like compassionate leave, well done for taking it.

Em8725 · 26/11/2021 16:26

I had migraines last week, because I was so stressed and my to do list was about 9000m long. I went home from work after an hour as my head just wasn’t in it. I went home, cleaned my whole house, got all my admin in order, had a good nights sleep and then went back in the next day. It was so so needed!

You need to do it, everyone needs that break from time to time. Good bosses are very hard to find, I’m so glad you’ve got one.

Take it easy, do what you need to 😊

DismantledKing · 26/11/2021 16:29

@Mantlemoose

Yep I disapprove you should have taken holiday or unpaid leave imo. Being off sick is to rest and recuperate nit to get a backlog of personal stuff done.
None of your business really.
Shedmistress · 26/11/2021 16:33

@CorrBlimeyGG

No idea what a IHT declaration is so no

Or probate? Or why someone would be administering their husband's estate?

You can't blame the OP for your own ignorance.

I don't mind that the OP took time off sick, I'm just saying she didn't say her husband had died, so when she said 'did you not see that my husband had just died' the answer is no, because she didn't say he had died. If you want people to react to words then maybe type the words you want people to react to.
OnwardsAndSideways1 · 26/11/2021 17:12

I'm sorry about your husband as well. When mine passed away, my colleagues were supportive for months afterwards, in the aftermath helping me with practical stuff, and at work, by offering support, stepping in the odd time I couldn't do stuff, understanding if I was working at less than capacity.

That flexibility has meant I've been able to return to work full speed since then, even though I'm a single mum with a demanding job. What would the point have been in flogging me in the immediate aftermath of his death (when I was also mentally and physically exhausted after many years of being a carer alongside working)? Their caring attitude meant I didn't have to go off sick for a long time period to recover, kept in touch with people rather than being isolated at home, and I got most of the work done but not in a pressured way in which they were looking for me to fail.

My colleagues and workplace were amazing, I hope yours are too and taking a week now if you were buckling will save months of illness/mental health issues down the line.

If you are a single parent with children who are grieving, it is very tiring running the home, working and looking after them over the longer term so take care of yourself and you may have to alert them again if things become overwhelming, but hopefully by having the odd little step back, you will be able to keep going!

HaroldSteptoesHorse · 26/11/2021 17:15

If your MH is suffering and time off is what you need it’s not a prob but if a colleague took a week of sick just because they needed to get shot down I’d be pissed off.

Mother87 · 26/11/2021 17:21

Sorry for your loss... YANBU - in my humble opinon - you need to 'take advantage' of all the downtime/space/recovery time you can get your hands on, in your own way... And if that means catching up on "death-admin" which is a thing of course - good for you...hopefully your 'emotional' load will lighten bit by bit & be helped a little by having tackled some of that stuff... ThanksThanks

dustandfluf · 26/11/2021 18:13

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I think you've made excellent use of your time off sick and I imagine it has lightened the load on your mental health. It sounds like a very recuperating day! I hope you had a nice time with your mum!

User5252727 · 26/11/2021 18:17

@Mantlemoose

Yep I disapprove you should have taken holiday or unpaid leave imo. Being off sick is to rest and recuperate nit to get a backlog of personal stuff done.
Mental ill-health is as valid a reason to take sick days as physical ill-health
Whenigrowupiwanttobea · 26/11/2021 19:01

I have been struggling with my MH and finally spoke to my GP during the week. It was a cold, crisp beautiful winter day. My GP said "sick leave is not house arrest. Go for a walk in this beautiful weather. Make yourself do it". I did and felt better afterwards. So sick leave is about doing what it takes to heal you physically and mentally. So if sorting out all those odd jobs makes you think clearer and helps you to refocus then your sick leave has been used appropriately. I am sorry for your loss and hope you and your DC are recovering a little bit each day!

clatterclatter · 26/11/2021 19:09

I’m sorry to hear about your DH and I sincerely hope you spend each and every one of your days off work doing something that helps your well-being in some way. Whether that be laundry or errands or admin or even sitting with a hot tea and slice of cake in front of the TV. Whatever brightens your day in dark times.

tintodeverano2 · 26/11/2021 19:16

I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my mum last year and only took a few days off work, with hindsight I actually needed longer and so have suffered more than I should have done. This made me have a bit of a breakdown as I just couldn't cope. I'm now back on the right path, I hope you are too.

JSL52 · 26/11/2021 19:17

@Shedmistress

Nice. Did you miss the bit where my husband died

You didn't mention that your husband had died. So yes.

Applying for probate. Sorting pension IHT is inheritance tax.
StopGo · 26/11/2021 19:21

@Mantlemoose

Yep I disapprove you should have taken holiday or unpaid leave imo. Being off sick is to rest and recuperate nit to get a backlog of personal stuff done.
I guess you’ve never been widowed whilst still having parental responsibility and needing to work? I have and it absolutely sucks. OP has been honest and her employer has been decent.

Take your judgement elsewhere

bloodywhitecat · 26/11/2021 19:27

I am so sorry OP, I am glad you took the time out and were able to use it as you have. I think I am going to be a few weeks behind you in nursing a bedbound husband in his dying days so I can begin to understand how much you needed the time today. I am glad you have an understanding workplace.

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 26/11/2021 19:30

@Mantlemoose

Yep I disapprove you should have taken holiday or unpaid leave imo. Being off sick is to rest and recuperate nit to get a backlog of personal stuff done.
Wind your neck in!!

Have a think about what's on her list, then consider applying a bit of compassion!! FFS

LynetteScavo · 26/11/2021 19:37

Well done.

You've done exactly the right thing. I'm pleased you had the clarity to know you needed to do this. Again, well done.

lentilsandeggs · 26/11/2021 19:45

@BigYellowHat

Sorry OP, that was meant to be flowers and then a comment. Bloody broken hand. Sorry to hear you’re going through all this Flowers
Ah your mistake made me laugh out loud. I don’t know if that makes me a bad person!

And OP, me too I’m so sorry to hear of your loss and absolutely support you that you need the time. Good on you for looking after yourself.