Oooo he is good treating you!

[Horriblewoman]

Complete irrational but minor peeve, bumped into a neighbour - man in his 60s - today when we we're leaving to go on a holiday to new york for the weekend. Told him where we were going and he looked at my husband and said to me 'what a lovely treat he's giving you'.

It's minor things like this that irrationally annoy me especially since we've got married - am I changing my name, are we having children, a man treating his woman. When in reality I earn significantly more than him, we have our house because of me and if I have children he'll probably go part time to look after them.

Am I just being an old grump? Will I be faced with these questions forever?

It's not irrational or minor. I have a similar reaction to being told 'oh he's so good helping you' whenever DH does anything child/domestic related. HE'S NOT MY HELPER HE'S THE OTHER PARENT!

Really annoying!!!

Yep! I can’t stand it when MIL says oh Isnt DH brilliant babysitting the kids. Eerrrr it’s not babysitting when they are your own children!!!! FFS!

@BlueShirtGirl - The trouble is some people don’t know how babies get in your tummy!

DH has a friend who insists on telling him that he 'took (wife's name) on holiday, out to dinner, or whatever'
DH has been informed that if he ever says anything but 'Pink and I went on holiday etc' then I will leave him to do those things on his own. And we are similar age to your neighbour so it isn't an age thing.
So no I don't think you're unreasonable

oh god, I'd have to say something. I hate that shit.

Really, really fucking annoying. See also ooo, you are spoilt. Fuck Off

@BlueShirtGirl

Yep! I can’t stand it when MIL says oh Isnt DH brilliant babysitting the kids. Eerrrr it’s not babysitting when they are your own children!!!! FFS!

My 80+ mum has said that I'm lucky because DH has always parented properly (see also cooking, housework etc) but I think that's more envy as it was generally not expected of men when she was a young mum. So I try to feel gratitude for living in better times than the eye rolling I am ashamed to admit I used to do!

When DD was a baby we all went out for lunch on Mother's Day (DH and I, DM and DF, DSIS and the DC). DD was super tired/grizzly and wouldn't settle at all so DH eventually said "I'll take her home for a nap- you stay here and have lunch with your mum." My mum still goes on about it like DH deserves the George Cross for this feat of selflessness

'what a lovely treat he's giving you'.

"I'm worth it."

I hate this. My exDH always used to say ‘I’m taking you out for dinner’. Hence the ‘ex’

A (male, 60-something) freelance client of mine paid me recently and said ‘Treat yourself to something nice.’

Er, like paying my mortgage?? It’s my fucking job!

I know it's a bit annoying but don't let it get to you. It's a generational thing - women earned less and gave up work a lot more and even my generation (my kids are young adults) i along with most my friends worked part time (and stayed home when they were tiny) a slip of the tongue is inevitable.

I pay my own way these days but my dp's mum still said he was treating me (I paid 50%!)

@gogohm

I know it's a bit annoying but don't let it get to you. It's a generational thing - women earned less and gave up work a lot more and even my generation (my kids are young adults) i along with most my friends worked part time (and stayed home when they were tiny) a slip of the tongue is inevitable.

I pay my own way these days but my dp's mum still said he was treating me (I paid 50%!)

nah.

you don't have to let it get to you to make an acidic remark to remind them what century they are in. It can be quite satisfying in fact.

I get the racism too so I have to keep a twin file of snarky remarks. It can be quite satisfying to address the prejudice head on.

I’d really like to think that as the current generation ages there will be much less of this antiquated thinking.

Men “babysitting” their own kids, men “treating” women. Given the “traditional” roles are beginning to dissipate in many areas, I’d hope that it wouldn’t even occur to newer generations to even make such comments.

It's not irrational to be bothered by shitty sexist comments.

Telling women they're irrational for being affected by sexism is how this shit is able to continue!

@ftw163532

It's not irrational to be bothered by shitty sexist comments.

Telling women they're irrational for being affected by sexism is how this shit is able to continue!

yes, and OP says this man is in his 60s.

He'd have to be about 95 before this shit would fly under the excuse of
"generation". Or maybe older?!

I have had comments like this too. Most recently someone said it to DP because I'd booked an Xmas holiday abroad (CV19 permitting). I actually earn 6 figs and double DP's salary so it's me paying. I just replied "I know! aren't I lucky!" and let it go. Who cares what they think!

No, you're not a grump or irrational.
There's so much everyday sexism.
My elderly Mum thinks I'm a shocker cos I do the bedding wash at weekends, when DH might 'have to look at lots of sheets hanging on the line', as though it would offend or upset him. Had to break it to her that DH actually strips beds and manhandles those sheets without wetting himself in angst.
I lover her but that stuff just pulls my vinegar string & Dad wouldn't have given 2 shiny shits if sheets were hanging on the line at the weekend! Bizarre!

I would say no i am treating him actually. This type of shit is very annoying, call it out whenever you can.

An ex of mine said something similar once to a car showroom salesman sexist man in his 60s once,
I wanted a test drive in the mind to buy and he looked at my ex not me mind and said ooo you’ll have to make sure the car is right for your misses shopping and comfortable for you as you’ll be doing all the driver,

My ex to his credit (cos he was a dick) said you’re joking aren’t you mate, she’s buying the car, she earns twice as much as me and I can’t drive, she gets the final say on what car we get.

The man was before he shuffled away and went to serve someone else

Oh that would piss me off.

My mum keeps telling me that I need to change my work hours so I can collect DC from nursery every day of the week. I collect on half the days, DH does the other half. DMum cannot get her head around it.

@ftw163532

It's not irrational to be bothered by shitty sexist comments.

Telling women they're irrational for being affected by sexism is how this shit is able to continue!

Hear hear.

Of course you're annoyed, OP. It's not minor, either. Fortunately DH is even more irritated by this stuff than I am, and it's irritatingly likely that the kind of sexist trotting out this kind of nonsense is going to be more struck by that than by me correcting his 18thc opinions.

I think it does make you realise just how little economic power women used to have. When I was growing up I heard (from women) all the time that men just didn't like it if you earned more. It's interesting that a lot of those women were really broke and if they had a good income life would have been so much easier, but no, better to let the man feel like a man.

A boss of mine once said "You always look very smart, a different outfit every day, you have a very generous husband" [angry]

One of MIL's neighbours did the 'isn't your son good babysitting his son?' They got very short shrift from her.

It's so annoying when people still trawl out the 'good little wifey being kept by her man' trope.