Oooo he is good treating you!

[Horriblewoman]

Complete irrational but minor peeve, bumped into a neighbour - man in his 60s - today when we we're leaving to go on a holiday to new york for the weekend. Told him where we were going and he looked at my husband and said to me 'what a lovely treat he's giving you'.

It's minor things like this that irrationally annoy me especially since we've got married - am I changing my name, are we having children, a man treating his woman. When in reality I earn significantly more than him, we have our house because of me and if I have children he'll probably go part time to look after them.

Am I just being an old grump? Will I be faced with these questions forever?

@HollowTalk

I think it does make you realise just how little economic power women used to have. When I was growing up I heard (from women) all the time that men just didn't like it if you earned more. It's interesting that a lot of those women were really broke and if they had a good income life would have been so much easier, but no, better to let the man feel like a man.

Yes, but, depressingly, what it also tends to make me realise is how uncomfortable some women are with other women having more money than men. My mother was visibly twitchy when I was supporting DH when we were just out of university, and I was in my first academic job and he was in an unpaid internship in a new field he was hoping to move into. She was very relieved when he landed a big job that outearned mine, and the right order of things was restored. This is also the woman who drew in her breath when I took the winelist and looked at it at a mixed-sex table. Unfeminine, apparently.

@Threewheeler1

No, you're not a grump or irrational. There's so much everyday sexism. My elderly Mum thinks I'm a shocker cos I do the bedding wash at weekends, when DH might 'have to look at lots of sheets hanging on the line', as though it would offend or upset him. Had to break it to her that DH actually strips beds and manhandles those sheets without wetting himself in angst. I lover her but that stuff just pulls my vinegar string & Dad wouldn't have given 2 shiny shits if sheets were hanging on the line at the weekend! Bizarre!

In case he might have to look at the sheets hanging on the line ????? My DH will definitely see the sheets hanging on the line because it will probably be him pegging them on there.

My mum used to give my ExH bigger portions of food because he worked long hours, same as me actually.

Gives me the absolute rage. MIL (lovely, who worked all her life in a professional job, so no idea where this came from), once asked me if DH is generous with the housekeeping.

1. Our finances are all joint.
2. I was the higher earner by a significant margin at that point.
3. I work in finance and he doesn't, so why would he be the one with the purse strings.
4. He did the shopping, and she knew that.

You're not being unreasonable. Sexism is it's purest form. Men that are intimidated by strong women. Sounds like the coffin dodger is completely fine with treating women as possessions or second class citizens.

Oh I hate the "taking out" business. My DH doesn't take me anywhere. We just get in the car and one of us drives or we walk, eat dinner, pay and come home.

I guess people mean the man actually paying for dinner.
I have friends who post on FB "DH taking me out for dinner" with 25 replies exclaiming how lucky she is and "what a keeper" he is!
I have completely free reign of our account so poor DH gets no such praise. 😂

or free 'rein' 🤷‍♀️

Ah I hate this. I have friends who always say 'Andrew is taking me away this weekend, Andrew took me for dinner last night' etc. I always have to stop myself saying 'Took you? Are you a child?'... I don't understand it. Surely you just say 'We are going away this weekend, or we went for dinner... why the 'taking'?'
It is my pet hate!

We're refurbing our house. Our neighbour asked what jobs we're planning next. I said "Oh we're doing X and Y next". He then looked at my DH and said "You've just got to pay for it now eh DH?"
I earn double my husband's salary.

Our carpet cleaner - chap in his fifties, and a chatter - wanted to tell me all about the cleaning products and compared it to “like when you are washing your husband’s shirts”.

My husband earns less than I do, and washes his own shirts.

It's quite a standard remark, from some older people, so stop getting uppity about it.

Calm down everyone, we are getting 'uppity' apparently; god forbid!

I just thought "uppity" and "coffin dodger" posters were making very poor jokes.

my husband often corrects people like this. Everyday sexism. it's worse for us cos he is white am black (some people meeting him for the first time or hearing his age are even surprised he is not significantly older than me!). I sometimes feel like I should be able to get away with 3rd degree manslaughter

It goes on and often if you DO say anything then people try to suggest that you’re showing off and bragging about earning good money. Luckily DH usually addresses it head on and apparently that’s fine. Grrrr…

(We had a lot of this when DSs were preschoolers, it’s less bad now).

I hate that Dad (usually) gives this woman to this man… fuck off I’m not a possession to be given to anyone

I generally try and call it out. ' I treated myself actually' would have been my response.

It's fucking everywhere.

I agree everyday sexism is rife but can we hold back on the everyday ageism too? Coffin Dodger is a vile term for an elderly person and a 60-something person is not elderly anyway.
And "women's lib" was huge in the 60's so people born in the 50's/early 60's really should know better, and many do - it's not necessarily a generational thing

One of my peeves was when I was on a sewing group and women would post "hubby has said I can buy more fabric/equipment" or "hubby has said when we're on holiday I can go and visit the local haberdashery" - and it always was "hubby".

My SIL once changed places with her husband at breakfast so that he wouldn’t have to sit next to the toaster. I still don’t understand that one.

Standard infuriating everyday sexism. We're currently renovating our house and the amount of tradesmen that just talk over my head at DP about what work needs to be done even though I'm the one that's phoned them, spoken to them, told them about the job and arranged a time for them to come over. It drives me mad.

DP always says "woah mate, ask her, I haven't got a clue!".

Classic MILism. We drove past a house she liked. I said my friend lives there - she moved to it after her divorce. She said “Gosh she must have got a good payout!”

Er no, she bought it with the money she earns from working her fucking arse off.

My parents drive me crazy telling my husband not to do the washing up at the ‘end of his long working day’. He’s been sitting in his home office for 7 hours. I’ve been in my home office for 9 hours but apparently I’m still perfectly capable of washing up because apparently my work isn’t as difficult.

@oneglassandpuzzled

My SIL once changed places with her husband at breakfast so that he wouldn’t have to sit next to the toaster. I still don’t understand that one.

Was it so that he wouldn’t have to perform the dreadful drudgery of putting in slices of bread for other people, and the even more dreadful drudgery of handing the toast to other breakfasters?

Or is it symbolic?

Could be both of those female tasks. 😆