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Odd invitation to cinema?

59 replies

QualityChecked · 25/11/2021 13:58

I've know this man for more than decade, although I'd tick the acquaintance, rather than friend box. We move in the same circles and are often at the same events.

DH died earlier this year, at roughly the same time as this man split with a longish term GF. So, we have been convenient company. At events where most of our friends are couples we often end up sitting together and/or sharing a lift. We've been out together as friends a few times.

He was lovely while DH was ill, would take me out for a run and then come in for a beer with (bedbound) DH. A godsend for both of us and he didn't do that "let me know if.." thing most people do, he got in touch regularly and made it happen.

He's the same age as me, mid 50s, long divorced and does have a reputation as a ladies man, but he's never made even the slightest move on me. Looking at his previous companions, much younger and more glamourous than I ever was, I highly doubt I'm his type.

Also, he has a close female friend who I am certain he would like more from. There's a big age difference and she'd like children so they both know it can't happen, but you wouldn't know it when they're together despite their protestations that they are just friends.

Anyway, that's a long winded way of saying there are a million reasons I don't want to be "involved" with him, but he is a welcome and convenient companion.

Today he has invited me to the cinema to see a film of my choice (ie not something he specifically wants to see). As it happens I can't make the date he suggests, but if I could, I'm in the habit of saying yes to anyone who invites me anywhere ATM. However, if I take more time to think, does the cinema cross a line into date territory?

OP posts:
BleuJay · 25/11/2021 14:02

He just sounds like a nice, caring man. Whether his intentions are romantic or not is yet to be revealed.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 25/11/2021 14:07

Do you fancy him?

QualityChecked · 25/11/2021 14:08

No Crimble. He's one of those OK in small does people Grin

OP posts:

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QualityChecked · 25/11/2021 14:08

...small doses...

OP posts:
meadowbleu · 25/11/2021 14:14

How about refusing with something like I'm enjoying some pleasant company but the cinema would feel too much like a date situation? He'd either make his intentions clear, or reassure you that isn't on his mind at all.

girlmom21 · 25/11/2021 14:17

I think it completely depends on your relationship as to whether it's too much like a date or not.

If you both feel it's a completely platonic relationship, then it's just two friends watching a film.

QualityChecked · 25/11/2021 14:20

@girlmom21

I think it completely depends on your relationship as to whether it's too much like a date or not.

If you both feel it's a completely platonic relationship, then it's just two friends watching a film.

That's the problem. I don't know what he's thinking
OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 25/11/2021 14:21

I’d probably go (if you like going to the cinema) if you don’t think you are his type and you don’t fancy him.

Coldtoday · 25/11/2021 14:22

I would accept in your position and wouldn’t see going to the cinema as a ‘date’ if he’s a friend.

cantgetmyheadroundit · 25/11/2021 14:25

@meadowbleu

How about refusing with something like I'm enjoying some pleasant company but the cinema would feel too much like a date situation? He'd either make his intentions clear, or reassure you that isn't on his mind at all.
This is perfect.
QualityChecked · 25/11/2021 14:27

@cantgetmyheadroundit Do you think so. I feel like it would make me sound bonkers!

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 25/11/2021 14:28

I wouldn’t think of a cinema invite as a possible date , not compared to a dinner invite.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 25/11/2021 14:28

I think it would sound funny to send that text.

meadowbleu · 25/11/2021 14:57

No one suggested a text. I was thinking of conversation. The cinema could be date territory, or it could be purely platonic, but my phrasing was designed to flush out his thinking as the OP isn't sure. That way you both know where you stand and it makes any friendship more relaxed than wondering.

MrsFoxyplease · 25/11/2021 15:00

I think it's date territory.
It's not like he said "I fancy seeing X. Would you like to come with me?".
He's asked you out to a film of your choice.

cantgetmyheadroundit · 25/11/2021 15:02

Again, completely agree with @meadowbleu

You need to know how he sees things, don't you? Or this is just going to keep coming up.

Kanaloa · 25/11/2021 15:03

You already spend time together though, so is it possible this is just another case of him getting in touch and being supportive? Possibly since you’ve sadly lost your husband he’s trying to ensure you’re not short of company.

Only way to know is to ask him really, although I appreciate that might be awkward. Or do the classic ‘it’s so nice to have friends around you to spend time with’ but that’s a bit cringe too.

nitsandwormsdodger · 25/11/2021 15:06

If you are sure he won’t grow on you then for his sake have the awkward conversation so he doesn’t waste his time

QualityChecked · 25/11/2021 15:29

If he's chasing after a woman within weeks (or maybe before) of her DH's death, he deserves to have his time wasted!

I don't really think that's it though. I just don't want there to be any misunderstanding... or to jeopardise current arrangements

OP posts:
meadowbleu · 25/11/2021 15:35

[quote QualityChecked]@cantgetmyheadroundit Do you think so. I feel like it would make me sound bonkers![/quote]
Well, the way you're feeling now and the fact you're speculating about other women he knows and asking here, really suggests you'd be better off with some clarity. Or maybe it's just me, but I think it's easier to move on from momentary embarrassment than to end up in an uncomfortable situation down the line.

I was just trying to phrase something that gave him the message you're happy to do things as friends, but some ideas are not situations you'd be comfortable with. And given that you were widowed this year, that's more than understandable Flowers On the other hand you could just tell him there's nothing you fancy seeing at the moment and wait and see what else he suggests.

emmathedilemma · 25/11/2021 15:35

Maybe he's just continuing his "being nice and supportive" thing and thinks the cinema is somewhere you probably wouldn't go on your own? I'd be tempted to reschedule the date and see what happens.

GrumpyPanda · 25/11/2021 15:41

Hhmhhm. Are you planning to not ever go see a film again unless it's part of a date? I wouldn't overinterpret this.

birdling · 26/11/2021 07:36

I'd see it as him thinking 'lets do something different' and assume that it was merely another friendly invitation.
So long as neither you nor he are giving off any come hither vibes, then why should it not be a cinema as mates situation?

QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 08:26

I'm sure I am over thinking it, but in 50 years I've never been to the cinema 121 with a man and it wasn't a date.

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 26/11/2021 08:31

I think it's a date as far as he's concerned. It's rare for a man not to want friendship with women to become sexual at some point. That's depressingly common.