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Odd invitation to cinema?

59 replies

QualityChecked · 25/11/2021 13:58

I've know this man for more than decade, although I'd tick the acquaintance, rather than friend box. We move in the same circles and are often at the same events.

DH died earlier this year, at roughly the same time as this man split with a longish term GF. So, we have been convenient company. At events where most of our friends are couples we often end up sitting together and/or sharing a lift. We've been out together as friends a few times.

He was lovely while DH was ill, would take me out for a run and then come in for a beer with (bedbound) DH. A godsend for both of us and he didn't do that "let me know if.." thing most people do, he got in touch regularly and made it happen.

He's the same age as me, mid 50s, long divorced and does have a reputation as a ladies man, but he's never made even the slightest move on me. Looking at his previous companions, much younger and more glamourous than I ever was, I highly doubt I'm his type.

Also, he has a close female friend who I am certain he would like more from. There's a big age difference and she'd like children so they both know it can't happen, but you wouldn't know it when they're together despite their protestations that they are just friends.

Anyway, that's a long winded way of saying there are a million reasons I don't want to be "involved" with him, but he is a welcome and convenient companion.

Today he has invited me to the cinema to see a film of my choice (ie not something he specifically wants to see). As it happens I can't make the date he suggests, but if I could, I'm in the habit of saying yes to anyone who invites me anywhere ATM. However, if I take more time to think, does the cinema cross a line into date territory?

OP posts:
OnwardsAndSideways1 · 26/11/2021 09:22

Sorry about your husband. It is a hard time to be single, as you say, lots of married people are all busy indoors and with covid and finding anyone to go out with is hard, so this has sounded ideal up to now.

One thing though- you say it would have been a bit 'off' of him if he had designs on you to have been friends around the time of your husband's death and after- but that's suggesting that everyone knows what they want from the outset, which is not always the case with evolving friendships. Perhaps he's got to know you better and started to think how nice it would be for something to happen (and in fairness he's been super respectful to now) and perhaps you might have even started to think that as well, it's not unheard of for people to grow closer over time. So, I don't think you should think badly of him if he did like you, that might have come from spending time together rather than some nefarious plot.

Its amazing if you can sustain a male/female friendship over the longer term, my own experience is it tends to lurch into someone wanting more eventually, unless you are part of a group.

If you absolutely don't want anything with him ever, or even right now, then it may be you have to think this through at some point, but so far it seems he's genuine and friendly and happy to take the lead from you so there's no current issue. It might arise though and not just because he's been plotting from the start...

NoSquirrels · 26/11/2021 09:29

I think you’re overthinking (understandably).

If you fancy going to the cinema and you’re single, your choices are to go on your own or ask a friend/acquaintance.

He did, you weren’t free, he asked someone else.

The cinema to me is even less of a ‘date’ prospect than dinner or whatever. It’s definitely not the covert darkness holding hands thing that popular romance would have you believe!

QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 09:37

@NoSquirrels

I think you’re overthinking (understandably).

If you fancy going to the cinema and you’re single, your choices are to go on your own or ask a friend/acquaintance.

He did, you weren’t free, he asked someone else.

The cinema to me is even less of a ‘date’ prospect than dinner or whatever. It’s definitely not the covert darkness holding hands thing that popular romance would have you believe!

When I was young it was where you went for a good snog, but I don't think even young people do that anymore ?

That the man (boy) having a good stretch and ending up with his arm along the back of your chair definitely happened too. Grin

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NoSquirrels · 26/11/2021 09:42

Yeah, it’s not like that any more! If you’re looking for that the invite to Netflix and chill would be more alarming Grin

Cinemas are particularly romantic places now, and I think the idea that ‘a bit of a ladies man’ would need to employ the stretch and arm around in the dark technique is quite unlikely!

NoSquirrels · 26/11/2021 09:42

Cinemas aren’t particularly romantic that should say.

AttaGirrrrl · 26/11/2021 09:50

I like your “hahah. I’ve just realised that this might look like a date” idea. It will give you a chance to gauge his reaction without putting pressure on either of you.

QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 10:32

Actually it has occurred to me that he might be gay and all the women are a front.

Which is probably nonsense, but shows how my mind is looking for a "reason" for something that doesn't feel quite right.

It could just be that it's outside my usual experience though rather than that something actually is off.

OP posts:
Tulipomania · 26/11/2021 13:36

I really would NOT ask him if it's a date or say anything to make it look like you've been thinking it is.

That would seem very weird indeed.

Curbaisti · 26/11/2021 20:15

No op i wouldn't even hint asking him about is it date territory. Its sounds like he was a great friend to your DH and you at such an awful time and his natural relaxed way is continuing now. He may be upset you think that (or maybe not). Next time go and you can deal with it then if it does arise. Relax and enjoy his friendship anyway. And so sorry about your DH Flowers

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