If MN were in government, what do you think policies would be?

[BobbieT1999]

Just that really...what do you think the country would look like if MNetters ran it?

Nobody allowed to use A&E unless they have had a limb ripped off and are bleeding out, or have Ebola. Everyone else must suck it up, or run the gauntlet of the 8am GP phone queue 11 days on the trot, to be told each time they eventually get through that there are no appointments necessary and then finally be allowed to book an appointment at an inconvenient time 2 weeks later. In the latter circumstances a mild rant on MN will then be allowed.

Nobody must ever, under any circumstances, ask a grandparent to provide childcare, let alone 'expect' it. Ditto any help whatsoever from a parent, of any kind, once over 18.

Nobody must ever give their kids sweets or give any away as a prize etc. Anybody attempting to do so must be met with shrieks of 'don't you know there's an obesity crisis'???

All soup has to be served with 'crusty' bread. No other bread or bread substitutes allowed.

We all have to 'go no contact' or 'go low contact' with any family member that has the temerity to say something to us that we don't like.

We all have to follow government medical advice to the letter, no matter our individual circumstances, or be branded thick and selfish and shunned from all gatherings.

God you lot are brutal! MN prison sounds like a riot 😂😂

Nominating @ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba @supremelybaffled and @blacksax to Cabinet ... and probably @cattenberg too!

I do agree all comps should be "leafy"...

I had no idea so many were in favour of medieval punishments, although if we're rolling the stocks etc out I think tail-gaiters should have to spend a day in the pillory!

Those found making errors of spelling or grammar shall be sentenced to evening classes.
Everyone shall have a hobby but none shall declare it, lest it be "outing".

@Pinkbonbon

Abusive men to be tried before a jury of 12 women and if found guilty - hung drawn and quartered.

All work 'Karens' to recieve same treatment for bullying.

...actually, I'm cool with that.

Surely you mean 'when found guilty' not 'if' - all men are abusive...

Foreign holidays will be recognised as a basic human need.
But travel must be on foot in order to cut down on warming.

Employers must allow parents unlimited paid time off for childcare with minimum notice. Employers must adapt their work to suit parents needs.

Socialising with (or possibly even speaking to) work colleagues or school mums will be outlawed
The following would also be outlawed:
Ensuite bathrooms
toilet brushes
fabric conditioner
scented panty liners
leggings
Cockerpoos
Zoflora

Daily visits by the hygeine police to check showering, and washing of bedding.

Rationing will come back :
1 chicken per family per month
1 thimbleful of alcohol per year (but only if other parent is not drinking)
Unlimited salad
1 pint of milk per week for coffee (after that use grated cheese)
1 loaf of bread per decade

Legitimate grounds for divorcing your husband will include him going for a night out with friends more than once a year, having a hobby, forgetting to put the bins out and buying you a rubbish birthday / Christmas gift.

@fizbosshoes what's wrong with ensuites??

@Pinkbonbon

Abusive men to be tried before a jury of 12 women and if found guilty - hung drawn and quartered.

All work 'Karens' to recieve same treatment for bullying.

...actually, I'm cool with that.

Ha ha, no way, dudebro.

MumsNet users (obviously not all, because anyone can post here) have pretty consistently called out the "Karen" nonsense for the racist, sexist, misogynist, classist nonsense it is.

(And we don't have the death penalty in the UK.)

@BobbieT1999

A large contingent of MN seem to hate them because they are allegedly smelly and dirty and essentially the same as pooping in your bed/wardrobe.

there would be a committed of super viper agony aunts whose sole job would be to listen to marital complaints and bring a verdict of LTB

*committee
ffs

I'm just imaging the size of "the book" that contained all the rules and etiquette for any possible eventuality many posters on MN seem to think that such a thing actually exists

There would be a list of "prefects" for all possible situations. Their word would be final.

@percythewitch

I'm still confused about what time you're supposed to arrive if someone invites you at 7pm, for example
(I think, according to MN, its not 7pm ....but I don't know what the "correct" time is!!)

Brexit would be reversed; hormones and surgery would be banned for trans people and there would be a new version of S.28 for transgender stuff; childcare would be subsidised, benefits for low earners would be ended and they'd be told to retrain for a better paid job instead; toilet brushes would be banned; dog breeding would heavily controlled, with only rescue dogs being allowed without a year long application process; unequal distribution of housework would be grounds for divorce with punitive maintenance; only women would be allowed into cycling clubs.

The following people would be fined or imprisoned:

Anyone who has ever thrown a sickie from work
People who leave bags of dog poo hanging from hedges
People who let their cats roam free
Anyone who voted for Brexit, then applied for an Irish passport
Anyone called MIL, FIL, SIL or BIL

Under MN rule, the Government websites would go down several times a day. Large sections would vanish without explanation and those that were left would be obscured by adverts . . .

Front doors would be nailed up.

[quote Exhausteddog]@percythewitch

I'm still confused about what time you're supposed to arrive if someone invites you at 7pm, for example
(I think, according to MN, its not 7pm ....but I don't know what the "correct" time is!!)[/quote]
Aah yes - there would have to be a special minister for de-coding things.

The "what time should you arrive" thread was hilarious.

See also:

Screaming is actually "raising your voice"

Phoning 100 times a day actually means 3 times a day

Literally sobbing all night actually means "having a bit of a cry and then going to sleep"

MNetters would be good for avoiding any world wars though - they would just need to explain the situation "calmly and politely" (probably via a text message though - actually speaking to anyone is best avoided)

@BobbieT1999

God you lot are brutal! MN prison sounds like a riot 😂😂

Nominating @ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba @supremelybaffled and @blacksax to Cabinet ... and probably @cattenberg too!

I do agree all comps should be "leafy"...

I had no idea so many were in favour of medieval punishments, although if we're rolling the stocks etc out I think tail-gaiters should have to spend a day in the pillory!

Thank you for promoting me to the Cabinet.

Another one:

All those whose vehicle headlights sear like laser beams into the eyes of other road users shall henceforth have the same lights fitted in their bedrooms. Without an off switch.

@BobbieT1999

🤣
thanks for making me a cabinet member!

Obviously for all of our meetings there would have to be a selection bites & nibbles: MN chicken, dishwasher gin, toast tent, hamwidge, , lemon drizzle cake and some wine on the wall

"Bottoms will be wiped in one direction"

I bring an amendment to the house in point of order to the rightly dishonourable @HoardingSamphireSaurus :

Bottoms will be wiped on One Direction.

I think we're all agreed although, as a man, I need to go and report to be locked in a chastity cage and/or for my castration.

Anyone who voted for Brexit, then applied for an Irish passport or any EEA passport

I liked the idea of crushing bad parkers into a cube of shame. I would love this for pavement parkers!

All those whose vehicle headlights sear like laser beams into the eyes of other road users shall henceforth have the same lights fitted in their bedrooms. Without an off switch

Not the drivers. The manufacturers who refuse to change them. The drivers just get their car crushed into the cube of shame as above.

GM deployed to create chickens the size of elephants.

@rslsys

Under MN rule, the Government websites would go down several times a day. Large sections would vanish without explanation and those that were left would be obscured by adverts . . .

😂 MN really is nuts isn't it . So many voices babbling at once .