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Original poster

What happens to the house if you have children with someone but you're not married

125 replies

aaaaaaaaaaaah · 22/11/2021 17:31

So a close friend is having a baby with her partner. My friend has no money at all whereas her partner owns a house worth over a million, comes from a family who has money and earns a lot of money. He has told her he won't marry her and the house isn't in her name, she said she wanted to be married to have the same name as the child and he said she can change her name by deed poll. I'm wondering why he's so against marriage and if it's to do with money. Surely if he's having children with her she will be entitled to stay in the house anyway and if anything was to happen to him she would be looked after being the mother of his children. I have a few friends who have children with their partners and want to marry them but the partners won't I'm wondering why this is

OP posts:
HoardingSamphireSaurus · 22/11/2021 17:35

He is protecting his family assets.

He is also telling her that she is not his family.

Who knows how he will view their child should their relationship founder.

She has 2 choices, put up with it or ship out. Depends how she views his plainly put opinions.

chipsandpeas · 22/11/2021 17:35

she has no rights to the house if they are unmarried and shes not on the deeds

flowery · 22/11/2021 17:37

No she won’t be entitled to stay in the house and no she won’t be “looked after as the mother of his children” unless he chooses to make provision for that in a will and/or insurance.

ShanghaiDiva · 22/11/2021 17:37

Cohabiting partners cannot inherit under intestacy rules. Unless she is named as a beneficiary in the will she is not protected.

roseapothecary · 22/11/2021 17:38

Why would she give her child his name? Tell your friend to give the child her surname. He can change his name by deed poll if it bothers him.

Bushkin · 22/11/2021 17:39

There is absolutely no grounds for the assumption that she would be ‘entitled to stay in the house anyway’. In the current set up she’s entitled to nothing. It’s a stupid position for anyone to allow themselves to be in, I hope she has he’s own income .

2020isnotbehaving · 22/11/2021 17:41

Not very much he could throw her out tomorrow and she not have a leg to stand on. She would be entitled to CM but he could hide his wealthy or just point blank refuse to pay and nothing will happen to him.

If he dies he needs leave a will clearly stating where money and house will go. There maybe other family members who can claim if there is no will and he may not get anything until he is 18/21 etc If I was your friend and I could live without the marriage the bare mum I would want is the will to keep a roof over your head and support for child until they are of age. If he’s still unwilling to do that and making noises about ye ye you will be taking care of I would run for the hills.

SophieHatterPendragon · 22/11/2021 17:41

Nope no rights to the house and wouldn’t be “looked after as mother of the children” unless he’d made legal provisions in his will.

If he doesn’t want to marry her he can make provisions in his will for her but it sounds like he is protecting his money so she’s up shit creek if they split up. Apart from CMS Ashe wouldn’t be entitled to anything

icedcoffees · 22/11/2021 17:42

Surely if he's having children with her she will be entitled to stay in the house anyway

No.

and if anything was to happen to him she would be looked after being the mother of his children.

And no again.

She has zero protection legally and he could make her homeless tomorrow if he wanted to.

DraigFach · 22/11/2021 17:43

Your friend is entitled to nothing more than her boyfriend is willing to give her.

Even CMS can be worked around, especially by the wealthy who can employ people to make it look like they have no money rather than paying their fare dues, many will do this

In law and in practice she's entitled to nothing and dependent entirely on his good will.

Original poster
aaaaaaaaaaaah · 22/11/2021 17:44

I feel like it's not my place to say anything and it's her life and business but I would personally be hurt if someone said they didn't want to marry me and wouldn't want to stay with them.
I have another friend who is in a similar position and is having her third with her partner and really wants to get married but he won't.
Just wondering, so if something happened to the partner the children are the next of kin and would inherit the house when they turn 18, till then his family would own it. Is that correct? So it is up to the family whether they let the mother and the children stay living there?

OP posts:
Fadingout · 22/11/2021 17:44

If I was your friend, I wouldn’t be giving the baby his surname.

LolaSmiles · 22/11/2021 17:44

He isn't marrying her because he doesn't want to legally tie his assets and finances to her. He is doing what more people (especially women) should do and viewing marriage as a legal document not a party, then making a decision based on that.

She has no claim on his assets, but would be entitled to maintenance for the children in the event of a split.

As two legally separate adults she would be wise to ensure she keeps working and keeps paying into her pension.

toastofthetown · 22/11/2021 17:45

No, she will only be entitled to half of the jointly owned assets (which sounds like nothing) and child maintenance. He won’t marry her because he doesn’t want to risk having to divide assets in the case of a divorce. Now she is pregnant he definitely won’t marry her. If she doesn’t have any kind of financial independence then she is in a very vulnerable position, more so if she becomes a stay at home mother.

DraigFach · 22/11/2021 17:45

Equally, he is dependent entirely on her for the naming of their child. If she rocks up to the appointment alone he can be retrospectively added as the father but cannot change the baby's name to match his. This is literally her only bargaining chip to get a legally binding provision to be made for her and the baby if the relationship were to fail.

Bushkin · 22/11/2021 17:46

Depends what it says in his will

MadMadMadamMim · 22/11/2021 17:47

The children will only inherit the house if he leaves it to them in his will. He could leave it to the Dogs Trust, frankly.

You can challenge a will that cuts you out IF you are dependent on the person who died - so the mother could (if she could afford to) pursue a settlement on behalf of the children to make sure that there was some financial support, but no, neither she nor the children have any right to just stay in the house, or indeed to inherit it all.

WhileMyMeringueGentlyWeeps · 22/11/2021 17:52

Unmarried partners have no obligations except to the children.

CreepySpider · 22/11/2021 17:52

@aaaaaaaaaaaah

I feel like it's not my place to say anything and it's her life and business but I would personally be hurt if someone said they didn't want to marry me and wouldn't want to stay with them. I have another friend who is in a similar position and is having her third with her partner and really wants to get married but he won't. Just wondering, so if something happened to the partner the children are the next of kin and would inherit the house when they turn 18, till then his family would own it. Is that correct? So it is up to the family whether they let the mother and the children stay living there?
It will entirely depend upon his will. I don’t believe that anyone who protects their home and money by not marrying won’t have a will. His children may not inherit anything.
CreepySpider · 22/11/2021 17:54

@LolaSmiles

He isn't marrying her because he doesn't want to legally tie his assets and finances to her. He is doing what more people (especially women) should do and viewing marriage as a legal document not a party, then making a decision based on that.

She has no claim on his assets, but would be entitled to maintenance for the children in the event of a split.

As two legally separate adults she would be wise to ensure she keeps working and keeps paying into her pension.

It will depend where the children live whether she receives maintenance. It’s not a given they would live the mother rather than the father, especially if the father is financially secure and can provide a home for them. Why wouldn’t they at least have 50/50?
Doidontimmm · 22/11/2021 17:55

In Scotland the child is entitled to an inheritance will or no will.

Original poster
aaaaaaaaaaaah · 22/11/2021 17:58

Since meeting him she has quit her career and does like to brag about money a lot. Before she was very hard working, independent, career driven, etc. I just wouldn't feel so secure if I was her but again don't feel it's my place to say something

OP posts:
Hoolahupsaresquare · 22/11/2021 18:01

She’s a complete fool to have a baby with this man while not married to him.

She’s quit her career entirely ? I take the above back - she’s absolutely mad.

OhMyCrump · 22/11/2021 18:03

Shes putting herself in a very vulnerable position.

LolaSmiles · 22/11/2021 18:05

It will depend where the children live whether she receives maintenance. It’s not a given they would live the mother rather than the father, especially if the father is financially secure and can provide a home for them. Why wouldn’t they at least have 50/50?
Men doing 50/50 care in the event of a split is far from the norm, especially if they've got careers that they don't want to inconvenience by having to take on fatherly responsibilities.

Since meeting him she has quit her career and does like to brag about money a lot. Before she was very hard working, independent, career driven, etc. I just wouldn't feel so secure if I was her but again don't feel it's my place to say something
At the risk of sounding bitchy, maybe he has picked up on the fact that she has got into a relationship with a wealthy man, given up her financial security and is now having a baby. I'd view it as a big red cocklodging flag if a man I was dating did that and marriage wouldn't be on my agenda with him.

Morally, I think the working partner should be paying into pensions for a SAHP because the SAHP takes a financial hit whilst the working parent continues to increase their earning potential and pensions. If your friend chooses to be a SAHP then this is a conversation to have.