What happens to the house if you have children with someone but you're not married

[aaaaaaaaaaaah]

So a close friend is having a baby with her partner. My friend has no money at all whereas her partner owns a house worth over a million, comes from a family who has money and earns a lot of money. He has told her he won't marry her and the house isn't in her name, she said she wanted to be married to have the same name as the child and he said she can change her name by deed poll. I'm wondering why he's so against marriage and if it's to do with money. Surely if he's having children with her she will be entitled to stay in the house anyway and if anything was to happen to him she would be looked after being the mother of his children. I have a few friends who have children with their partners and want to marry them but the partners won't I'm wondering why this is

I would say something. She’s your friend and she is putting herself in a really vulnerable position.

I would tell her to give the baby her surname.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

She’s foolish for having anything to do with him

She's a fool, you could let her know she can take out life insurance on him so she will be protected to some extent if he dies, she's screwed if they split

If it was my friend I'd be suggesting she has a serious discussion with her DP about finances and what would happen if he were to die or leave. If he's opposed to marriage for valid non-financial reasons, surely he'd be able to see that by having his child and has given up a career to (presumably) care for that child she is putting herself in a vulnerable position- any decent man would be happy to discuss what can be done to give her more security. If she doesn't feel she can have that conversation, or he fobs her off with a 'don't worry I'll see you right' response I think it says all she needs to know

Oh dear.
Does she use MN?

If not she should as she’d be able to browse all the many threads from women in her situation…a few years down the road. What always shocks me is how genuinely deluded these women are thinking they’ll have the same rights as a married woman just because they’ve had a child with a man. It’s scary it’s not more widely known.

On a side note I’ve never understood women who chase rich men who are never going to marry them. It doesn’t matter if he’s rich, it doesn’t make you rich unless he’s willing to be a proper team with you.

Also…if she were of his ‘class’ I bet he’d have married her. I hate to say it but it’s never middle class women wanting marriage who don’t get it and are forced to settle.

I think you need to make sure she reads this:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences

or some other guide to the differences between marriage/CP and cohabitation

She has sleep-walked into a highly vulnerable situation, because she has no claim on his assets though she will receive CM, and in the event of his death the DC can claim in his estate (as dependents) whether or not there is a will.

The interruption to career might have made a permanent difference to her lifelong earnings already, and gaps in pension provision are hard to make up. My strongest advice to her is to get back into work, take the minimum maternity leave and return full time.

He might have made a will in her favour but that can be changed at the stroke of a pen, as can nominations of beneficiaries of insurance policies. Proving a beneficial interest in someone else's property will require lawyers advice on the individual circumstances and is far from certain. If she is paying for any part of its maintenance or improvements, she needs to keep receipts.

You can't tell her what to do, or challenge her decisions. But if you can, make sure she is well-informed before sleep-walking further

In her position I’d want some legal protection around providing a regular payment until child turns 21 and confirmation that assets will be given to children in the will

There is no way to do that, but marriage/CP comes closest

she will receive CM only if she has the dc more than 50% of the time (or nights? - I can't remember)
If the care is shared she'll get nothing. If he gets more than 50% she could find herself having to pay him child support. If he's rich, he can afford good lawyers.

I assume that she will be staying at home to look after their child having given up her career allowing him to continue working in his high earning job. It sounds like a very unequal relationship based on him being in control of everything. Big red flags 🚩

@Kangaruby I’m fairly sure you can’t just “take out” life insurance on someone else . They usually have to take it out, pay the premiums and name the other person as beneficiary. Same with death in service benefits.

@SilverGlitterBaubles

I assume that she will be staying at home to look after their child having given up her career allowing him to continue working in his high earning job. It sounds like a very unequal relationship based on him being in control of everything. Big red flags 🚩

From the info the OP has given, she gave up her career voluntarily before she became pregnant. As pp said, if a bloke did that he’d be described as a cocklodger on here.

Sorry if I've read this wrong but your friend sounds like a gold digger! Do you think she would still marry him if he did a pre nup which meant she was entitled to zero (or something)

Something just sounds off 🤷‍♀️

ChrissyPlummer - you certainly can, I have on my dp as he is not divorced! The insurance company just needed to speak briefly to dp, I pay and any pay out would come to me not the estate

More fool her for having his child before marriage - cant turn the clocks back now.

What does she do with the money she earns?

@hardyloveit

Sorry if I've read this wrong but your friend sounds like a gold digger! Do you think she would still marry him if he did a pre nup which meant she was entitled to zero (or something)

Something just sounds off 🤷‍♀️

Nice misogyny there

Fair enough @Kangaruby. I worked in that field many, many eons ago and I’m sure you couldn’t then. Maybe it’s the phrasing - reminds me of ‘The Godfather’

Since meeting him she has quit her career and does like to brag about money a lot
She's a bit of a fool in that case, as none of it is actually hers.

I can't imagine that he'd want to change the will to leave his own children with nothing but who knows.
Also people saying that he can change the will, surely even if someone is married though they can easily change the will and leave their spouse with nothing too?

What does she do with the money she earns?
She doesn't. Since meeting a nice rich man she gave up her career, financial independence and earning potential in favour of living a nice life funded by her boyfriend.

She's now in a precarious position because she's pregnant and by all accounts relying on the fact that having a child with a man gives her some claim on his assets.

Ah. Well then even more fool her.

* Since meeting him she has quit her career and does like to brag about money a lot. Before she was very hard working, independent, career driven, etc. I just wouldn't feel so secure if I was her but again don't feel it's my place to say something*

^She is a cocklodger. If I was him I wouldn’t marry her either. Now he’s tied to her for the next 18 years.

Also people saying that he can change the will, surely even if someone is married though they can easily change the will and leave their spouse with nothing too?
Oh for heavens sake, clue yourself in
It is you, isn't it? Nobody is this invested in their friend's potential inheritance.

Even if he named her in his will to inherit the house she'd still be worse off than if they'd been married because she would have to pay inheritance tax on a property of that value if they're unmarried.