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Original poster

Just found out I’m accidentally pregnant for the third time

100 replies

Weebeastiebaby · 21/11/2021 08:45

Hi, not sure what I’m looking for here. Advice or just a hand hold as I can’t talk to anyone else.
I have just found out I’m pregnant for the third time. I have two lovely children age 7 and 4. I had originally hoped to have three children and had asked my husband a couple of years ago if we should have another. He said he didn’t want more children so I accepted this and we enjoyed the ones we have.
I don’t react well to contraceptives so have been using a fertility app as contraception (I know, I know… not reliable) anyway something told me yesterday I should take a test. My period is only a couple of days late but I just had a feeling and two tests are definetly positive.
I haven’t told my husband yet because I feel he will be upset. He recently started a new job, took up some new hobbies and bought a new car (definetly not one that can seat 3 car seats!)
I also just took a new job which I am so excited about. It has a lot of training commitment involved and will be a big challenge for me.
I think my husband and I are just starting to feel we have a bit of our lives back after years of hard slog with hard jobs and young kids, paying hundreds of pounds for childcare and being exhausted. They are both in school, sports clubs and are happy and love each other.

I have such mixed feelings about this pregnancy. I am happy because I did want a third child but I feel the timing is all wrong. I am worried about my husbands reaction. I am scared of how I will feel if I don’t continue the pregnancy and have to go through a termination. I also feel massively guilty that others struggle to have children and I am now a woman in her 30s who has become accidentally pregnant with a baby I’m not sure I want.

Please anyone share and similar situations or advice and how things went. Please no judgement, am in tears writing this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Weebeastiebaby · 21/11/2021 10:13

Not what I said, and quite rude.

OP posts:
Refrosty · 21/11/2021 10:14

@SallyOMalley

This happened to me. We found out I was pregnant for a third time when I was 46. My youngest had just started school and I too felt I was just starting to find my feet again.

I just couldn't come to terms with the thought of starting over and I went through all the guilt, tears and mixed emotions too. We chose to terminate and, even now, it's hard to write that. I still feel incredibly guilty even though I knew our decision was the best one for our family at that time. Only close family know what we did and I have never told my friends. I know several have struggled to have children and I feel so bad with the decision we made in that respect.

However, I would say that you need to do what is best for you all right now. It is very hard and it isn't a black and white decision. Go easy on yourself. Flowers

Such a lovely comment FlowersFlowers
BertieBotts · 21/11/2021 10:15

If you are going to use cycle tracking in the future I would definitely recommend doing a proper NFP course or at the very least reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Apps can be a useful way to do the actual charting but you do need to be able to recognise the signs on your own as a lot of apps are inaccurate or based on an average cycle which yours may not be etc.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
Mischance · 21/11/2021 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Bluntness100 · 21/11/2021 10:17

This reply has been deleted

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Refrosty · 21/11/2021 10:17

@Mischance just go away. No one asked you to detail your stomach condition.

SirChenjins · 21/11/2021 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post.

anon12345678901 · 21/11/2021 10:25

@Mischance totally uncalled for. That's your feelings on your disruption, you don't get to judge others for not having the same feelings about their personal situation.

VeruccaSalty · 21/11/2021 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Weebeastiebaby · 21/11/2021 10:27

SirChenjins… a horrible way to express yourself but I do understand what you’re trying to say. DC1 was not planned, a surprise in my early 20s I was definetly not financially ready for or mature enough for but we made it work and he’s been the best thing I’ve ever done. My life has completely been changed in the best way and I can’t imagine life without him now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Weebeastiebaby · 21/11/2021 10:29

Sorry think I quoted wrong user there I’m
Not too savvy with this website! Whoever made the comment that was deleted that’s who I was referring to.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 21/11/2021 10:31

a horrible way to express yourself but I do understand what you’re trying to say

I’m a bit confused, sorry..,what was it I said that was horrible? Confused

SirChenjins · 21/11/2021 10:32

Ahhh - thanks for clarifying that! Smile

PrettyMaMa · 21/11/2021 10:32

@Weebeastiebaby

Hi, not sure what I’m looking for here. Advice or just a hand hold as I can’t talk to anyone else. I have just found out I’m pregnant for the third time. I have two lovely children age 7 and 4. I had originally hoped to have three children and had asked my husband a couple of years ago if we should have another. He said he didn’t want more children so I accepted this and we enjoyed the ones we have. I don’t react well to contraceptives so have been using a fertility app as contraception (I know, I know… not reliable) anyway something told me yesterday I should take a test. My period is only a couple of days late but I just had a feeling and two tests are definetly positive. I haven’t told my husband yet because I feel he will be upset. He recently started a new job, took up some new hobbies and bought a new car (definetly not one that can seat 3 car seats!) I also just took a new job which I am so excited about. It has a lot of training commitment involved and will be a big challenge for me. I think my husband and I are just starting to feel we have a bit of our lives back after years of hard slog with hard jobs and young kids, paying hundreds of pounds for childcare and being exhausted. They are both in school, sports clubs and are happy and love each other.

I have such mixed feelings about this pregnancy. I am happy because I did want a third child but I feel the timing is all wrong. I am worried about my husbands reaction. I am scared of how I will feel if I don’t continue the pregnancy and have to go through a termination. I also feel massively guilty that others struggle to have children and I am now a woman in her 30s who has become accidentally pregnant with a baby I’m not sure I want.

Please anyone share and similar situations or advice and how things went. Please no judgement, am in tears writing this.

God gives you what you can handle and true you've spoken about it before and you must be a pro by now .. why not Add an extra little human into your life and don't think about anything too extreme you've done this before you've been doing it for years Just make sure you have the right support around you and can juggle things accordingly - your others are grown enough to help and enjoy the new arrival You'll all have a fabulous life
GrealishHairband · 21/11/2021 10:34

I have two children and for a lot of years thought about a third but ultimately we didn’t bother. If that third were to come along as a surprise now when we’re at a different stage of life (late 30’s) I wouldn’t hesitate in having a termination because it would be right for me and our current family situation, my career is going well, my children are growing up and independent. Not wanting to take a step back at this stage is a valid life choice. I have no doubt if I did have a third baby I’d love them just as much as my other two, but that’s not a reason why I would continue with a pregnancy.

It sounds like your DH is pretty laid back about it, talk to him, come to a choice you’re both comfortable with and take it from there. People have terminations for lots of different reasons and just as valid as the rest of them is ‘I don’t want another baby’.

Mischance · 21/11/2021 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Luredbyapomegranate · 21/11/2021 10:46

Sorry you are going through this. It’s not an unusual situation though so don’t beat yourself up about it. The obvious solution would have been for your husband to have the snip, but it’s a hassle and you aren’t the first couple not to have got round to it.

I think the first thing is get it out of your head that IF you decide to terminate that makes you a cold person. It does not. It makes you a person who has decided this is the best decision for you and your family. Your first duty is to take care of yourself, because if you don’t what use are you to anyone. You second duty is to your existing kids. Your third to your partner. All those people’s welfare has to be considered before a potential new child. If a third child isn’t in your best interests, the best decision may be termination. A extra child can put a strain strong enough to break a family. Some people say could never terminate, but it certainly isn’t wrong if you do.

So, go talk to your husband, this is a joint problem, talk about how it’s going to impact your family, vs any positives. Give yourself some time to think and then act. In so far as possible it should be a decision you agree on.

And make a plan for the snip / or to have your tubes tied, if he’s got a real phobia about it.

Luredbyapomegranate · 21/11/2021 10:48
  • PrettyMaMa God gives you what you can handle and true you've spoken about it before and you must be a pro by now .. why not Add an extra little human into your life and don't think about anything too extreme you've done this before you've been doing it for years Just make sure you have the right support around you and can juggle things accordingly - your others are grown enough to help and enjoy the new arrival You'll all have a fabulous life*

Whatever you do, ignore trite drivel like this. It’s a serious decision, either option could be the right one.

PrettyMaMa · 21/11/2021 10:53

This reply has been deleted

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Refrosty · 21/11/2021 11:00

@Mischance so what about the ones who didn't enter a maternity ward ever again? You didn't make a comment to support the OP, you made a comment to let the world know you once we're faced with the same dilemma, and will do whatever you need to do to defend it. Including judging others harshly for their choices.

Selfish.

HappyMeal564 · 21/11/2021 11:04

Whatever you choose you will be doing for the right reasons. Take care of yourself and definitely be kind to yourself whatever you decide

TheSmallAssassin · 21/11/2021 11:10

I got accidentally pregnant when my two were small and in a similar situation to you. My youngest was about 3 and I felt like life was becoming more manageable again, there was no way I wanted to go back to the baby years again, take another year off work, squeeze another person into our house. I had a termination and only felt relief, I haven't regretted it for a second. My husband then had the vasectomy he hadn't got round to sorting out.

Mulhollandmagoo · 21/11/2021 11:12

Really tough situation for you Flowers you're neither the first nor last person who will find themselves in this situation so please don't beat yourself up.

This decision will be so highly emotional, you will feel guilty and anxious whatever you decide, so try and think practically as much as you can and it's most definitely not cold or selfish for your career to be one of the reasons, you're allowed to have a life outside of being a mother Gin

Also.... Send your husband for a vasectomy ASAP!

Fluffycloudland77 · 21/11/2021 11:14

I know someone who got pg after her dh said he’d get the snip then didn’t. He got it done pretty quickly after that!

Good luck whatever you decide.

EsmeraldaFudge · 21/11/2021 11:14

I found out I was 23 weeks pregnant with my DD. My other children were 10 and 13 at the time. It was a huge huge shock.

She is the best "surprise" we ever had and I feel some occasional guilt for the days shortly after I found out i was pregnant where I wished I wasn't so far along so I could have considered an abortion. I am so glad that this wasn't a realistic option as I genuinely could not imagine our family without her.