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Tonight I waited an hour for an ambulance

114 replies

bloodywhitecat · 21/11/2021 00:15

My lovely husband who has fought through so much in the last 18 months had a stroke. He can't speak. He has lost the use of his right hand side. He already has terminal cancer. I am scared this stroke isn't a stroke but is a brain met. Two weeks ago he was investigated for a DVT as his D-dimer was raised and he had calf pain. I am so scared and I am so angry at how he has been failed time and time again since he was first taken ill last spring. There is no point to this post. I just wanted to let it out somewhere.

OP posts:
Unsure33 · 22/11/2021 18:57

@madisonbridges

I so agree with you . My mum recently had to stay in hospital while equipment set up at home . Now they have decided she can’t go home as no double handed care and she needs 24 hour care , l so in a home mikes away temporarily . And I have seen everything you mentioned . No water , poor care , no one comes to help her when she presses the buzzer . Hair not washed . Being handled so she is in pain . She can’t feed herself but does not eat much because they rush her .

I can see this being repeated a lot and it’s so sad .

Unsure33 · 22/11/2021 18:58

@VienneseWhirligig

WE all have to pay more . The investment comes from us .

Glinsk · 22/11/2021 19:08

I followed your last thread @bloodywhitecat. I'm so sorry this happened and I wish I could help.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

bloodywhitecat · 22/11/2021 20:54

Thank you for those who have sent kind wishes and I am so sorry that so many of us have experienced this and are continuing to experience it. Earlier today I was told he was walking. He's not and he hasn't. Physically he remains very much the same as he left here, he has strength in his right hand but he can't actually use it and his leg gives way if he tried to stand. I keep being told different things by different doctors and, by the time I got there to see him tonight there was no doctor to talk to.

He may be palliative but he is not end of life yet and there is a difference, when it comes to that time I want plans in place so he dies here, at home if possible and if not then in a hospice. I do think the stroke marks a rapid downward spiral though so I am planning nothing past the next few days. He was raking the leaves off the gravel on the drive on Saturday whilst pushing Fosterling No.1 (who is missing his main man greatly) in the swing. He took the dog for a two mile tramp across the fields over the way. Then we took the babies to a Winter event at a local steam railway and he sat with F1 on the train and they chatted away together, well as much as you can chat to an 18 month old.

I said to him tonight "Happy six month anniversary" and he cried. He never cries. He asked me once, back at the very beginning when we got the news that he had a 0% chance of survival if I was going to leave him and I said "No, never" I saw him cry that night too. Oh, and he cried on our wedding day back in May. He is such a lovely man, every one says what a lovely, kind, gentle person he is.

OP posts:
CovidCorvid · 22/11/2021 21:02

I’m so sorry about your dh and hope he improves from the stroke.

Very true about the bed blocking. The wards are full, a&e can’t get people onto wards, they’re full to capacity and ambulances can’t unload.

A friend of mine had an anaphylaxis the other week and spent two hours in the back of an ambulance in the car park with the consultant coming out to treat her in the ambulance as they said she couldn’t wait to be seen.

Someone else I know is a paramedic and he said people are dying in ambulances in hospital car parks as they can’t get people seen.

madisonbridges · 22/11/2021 21:05

He sounds like he's trying to get everything he can out of his time and make lovely memories for you all. What a wonderful man you have found.

VienneseWhirligig · 22/11/2021 21:53

@Unsure33 I'm not disputing that we have to invest at a collective level. But while there is money for HS2 and nuclear missiles, but not to save lives that aren't Covid related, that argument is slightly diluted. (To be clear, I agree with the money being spent on the pandemic, in the main - it's essential, although many contracts have been over inflated. I just think that it has come at the expense of the rest of the population who have other illnesses).

Muchtoomuchtodo · 22/11/2021 22:02

@bloodywhitecat do you have power of attorney for your DJ’s health and we’ll being? If so can you meet with his current team and the palliative care team and get an Advance Care Plan together so that your wishes to have him cared for at home are well documented and can be more easily shared?
Unfortunately the shortage of carers is likely to affect what’s available and how quickly it can be started, so planning ahead for this any necessary equipment etc means that it’s more likely that it’ll be possible.
Sending much love xx

BoreOfWhabylon · 22/11/2021 22:04

@bloodywhitecat I've followed your threads from the beginning. I am so sorry you and your lovely DH are going through this Flowers

bloodywhitecat · 22/11/2021 22:13

[quote Muchtoomuchtodo]@bloodywhitecat do you have power of attorney for your DJ’s health and we’ll being? If so can you meet with his current team and the palliative care team and get an Advance Care Plan together so that your wishes to have him cared for at home are well documented and can be more easily shared?
Unfortunately the shortage of carers is likely to affect what’s available and how quickly it can be started, so planning ahead for this any necessary equipment etc means that it’s more likely that it’ll be possible.
Sending much love xx[/quote]
No I don't but I should put it in place. Where do I even start? I will look into it tomorrow, thank you.

OP posts:
longtompot · 22/11/2021 22:15

@bloodywhitecat I have seen some of your posts about your dh and just wanted to send my thoughts and very best wishes to you both. Well to you all Flowers

Watching programmes like Ambulance made me realise how stretched thin our NHS is. I don't know how the paramedics cope with their shifts, dealing with things which they know if certain services were still funded and open, they would have more time for other cases. The ambulances having to wait outside of hospitals with their patients and not being able to get to anyone else, sometimes for hours, must frustrate them so much.
To know that time is of the essence with strokes, that if you don't get seen within a time frame means you can't have certain drugs which can reverse the effects, it must have been so worrying for you waiting watching time go by. You already have limited time, you don't need this extra worry.
I hope you get some proper news with regards to his condition soon. It does seem to depend on who you speak to. My late fil was in hospital and a nurse told me all these things he could do, which I knew he couldn't, but she was adamant he could. He couldn't even get in his front door by himself, let alone wash, dress and feed all by himself like she said he could.

MsAnnFrope · 22/11/2021 22:23

@bloodywhitecat I’m so sorry to hear this. I was on your earlier thread about your DH diagnosis. You both sound like such wonderful people and this just seems so unfair.
If you want any support about PoA or advance care planning please feel free to DM me.

countrygirl99 · 23/11/2021 05:00

@bloodywhitecat hoping today is better and you st leather a chance of a decent conversation with a doctor.

Unmerited · 23/11/2021 05:09

@bloodywhitecat I’m so, so sorry, that a heartbreaking situation for you and your DH should be made harder by this. It’s unacceptable in every way. My heart goes out to you, I hope you both get the care you need. Flowers

Joystir59 · 23/11/2021 05:21

You may find this thread helpful OP, it's for people in exactly your situation. I'm so sorry you are going through this www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life_limiting_illness/3942076-Still-the-storm

HerRoyalWitchyness · 23/11/2021 05:31

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope there's some improvement today.Flowers

Romemarie · 23/11/2021 06:39

My FiL had a stroke and a fall hit his head. He waited 6hrs. Paramedics who came was apologetic kept saying how over run they are..

Beat wishes to you and your DH, I know how difficult it all all his.

Romemarie · 23/11/2021 06:39

Is* not his.

Cowpad · 23/11/2021 06:40

@50ShadesOfCatholic.my neighbour has been in the same situation,only she is on her own.I helped her gettiing an ambulance like OP and had the same experience.Only,she died.so,dont insult me,using OP's grief.There are thank goodness other people on this thread,who are outraged with the government.As tragic and very sad OP's situation is, sadly,sadly she is not the only one.

Capferret · 23/11/2021 07:26

Both @madisonbridges and @Cowpad make valid points.
Nurses do need to concentrate on basic care again.
And government need to fund the NHS properly.
If nurses are continually short staffed they can’t give proper care. When people are run ragged things get missed.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 23/11/2021 07:41
Thanks look after yourself op
Imposter1 · 23/11/2021 07:42

I’m sorry OP. It sounds just awful.

Answering other posters, Is it the governments fault though?

Some of the spending in the NHS is a joke. Sometimes I feel like the money isn’t used very well. There are lots of very highly paid people in the NHS yet nurses and ambulance staff earn very average amounts. I bet if people looked at budget for some things they would be shocked.

madisonbridges · 23/11/2021 13:36

I hope things are looking brighter today and you get some better news. I know everyone is wishing your lovely husband all the best.

Sorry, I'm going to diverge from your thread.

If nurses are continually short staffed they can’t give proper care. When people are run ragged things get missed.

I can't say how much I disagree with this. It's just another excuse for people not doing their job properly. It takes more effort to take someone's crutches off them, walk across the ward and put them against the wall, than it does to leave them next to them. More effort to go and find a bedpan than have them next to the patient. Equal effort to put food and water next to them than at the foot of the bed. No effort to pull up bed sidebars while talking to the patient.

What is the point of paying thousands of pounds on patients' treatment if you then don't give them water. My friend's mother had early dementia and was in hospital. My friend had to go away for three days and when she got back her mother's tongue was black she was so dehydrated. She pointed it out and the doctor went mad at the staff. But it's all phooey. That doctor knows it's not just a one off. I can't be the unluckiest person in the world and it all only happens to my family and friends. It's over and over again. It happened to me after a back operation. I was told that after the operation it was important to drink and then they put the bed and water in such a position I couldn't reach. Then when I buzzed for them, they told me how busy they were. So if they'd just done a proper job the first time, they wouldn't have been so harried. They put water out every day. Surely they have learned where to put the water.

Please don't excuse it as an overlooking because they're tired. Of course anyone can make a mistake but I promise you , these aren't single incidents. It's systematic. It's poor ward management and care.

Listen, I don't mean this as a staff-bashing post. I have elderly parents and always all the staff (bar receptionists) in hospital are, on the whole, marvellous. The medics can do wonderful things and are really good-humoured and kind, and the porters and cleaners are cheerful and friendly. But, there is often a lack in basic care and common sense. Yes, hospitals need more money, they'll never have enough money. But when you excuse hospital workers and blame it all on the govt, you are giving it a pass to continue.

madisonbridges · 23/11/2021 13:47

@Imposter1

I’m sorry OP. It sounds just awful.

Answering other posters, Is it the governments fault though?

Some of the spending in the NHS is a joke. Sometimes I feel like the money isn’t used very well. There are lots of very highly paid people in the NHS yet nurses and ambulance staff earn very average amounts. I bet if people looked at budget for some things they would be shocked.

A consultant told me not to listen to complaints of there not being enough money. He said there was easily enough money but it just wasn't utilised properly. I can't comment on hospitals but I know when I was teaching, we had 2 small rooms we converted into classrooms so we needed smaller desks to fit 12 people in each. I wanted to keep the chairs and the battered old filing cabinets. They were functional and fine. The powers that be decided all the furniture needed updating so we got new throughout. Two years later it was decided the whole college needed a refresh. They threw out (didn't sell it or give it away, they skipped it) all the two year old furniture and bought it all new again. (Oh the tales I could tell about waste in education.)

So I can't comment on hospital finances but maybe its waste is similar to education.

AnneElliott · 23/11/2021 13:50

So sorry op - I do hope he recovers from the stroke and you are able to be with him.

And hear hear @madisonbridges - not everything can or is solved with more money. Having worked in the NHS I can tell you that not all staff members are angels. You get lazy and shit ones like yuu do in any other profession or walk of life.

And this odd obsession with the NHS as the British religion is what keeps it ossified in the current state that it's in.

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