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Is this weird, or normal for committed couples?

70 replies

Pickles89 · 20/11/2021 23:09

Waiting for each other to do very basic things for/with each other? I've never had a serious relationship so I don't know... I find it really odd though. With my parents, my mum will stand there and tell my dad how thirsty she is until he gets her a glass of water, pretty much every time, I don't think she ever pours her own if he's in the house with her. On the other hand she'll insist he stands there like a lemon when he gets in from work while she pauses whatever she was doing and goes to fetch his book from upstairs for him. Every time, she insists on it. Then my SIL sits back while my brother carefully butters her bread for her, checking with her it's the right amount of butter he's using as he does it, and now they're married they seem incapable of going to the loo or having a shower separately. Not even a sexual thing (I hope!) but just their daily routine. I find this sort of behaviour really peculiar. I don't see why being in a committed relationship means you stop doing basic things for yourself that a 6 year old could do. Yes of course it's nice to do each other a favour, if one of you is tired or has their hands full, but to wait for your other half to fulfil their expected 'role' in your basic needs, even if it means it all takes longer? Is this sort of thing just normal and I'm a bitter old maid, or are my family oddballs?

OP posts:
SunsetOnTheHorizon · 20/11/2021 23:13

Oddballs. No doubt about that!

ThePoisonousMushroom · 20/11/2021 23:15

Well I’ve been married for 12 years and have never taken DH to the loo with me, I can’t imagine that’s normal 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Sounds like they’ve just got into habits… if they’re happy and it’s not harming anyone then there’s no problem I suppose. Trying to think if there’s anything we do for each other religiously, the only thing I can think of is that DH always fills my wine glass when it’s empty!

LawnFever · 20/11/2021 23:15

Really, really odd, never heard of anyone doing this and sounds very strange and unnecessary.

Furzebush · 21/11/2021 00:28

None of that is remotely usual. Your family is a bit odd.

Obsidiansphere · 21/11/2021 00:32

Very odd…

InnPain · 21/11/2021 00:39

This does happen a lot, in some cultures the man will wait for the woman to serve him food even though it’s right in front of him and he’s capable of pouring it in himself. The woman does it out of love for him I suppose? It brings some couples closer together too.

AntiHop · 21/11/2021 00:43

My dh makes 99% of my coffees when we're at home together. That's it though.

Furzebush · 21/11/2021 00:44

@InnPain

This does happen a lot, in some cultures the man will wait for the woman to serve him food even though it’s right in front of him and he’s capable of pouring it in himself. The woman does it out of love for him I suppose? It brings some couples closer together too.
Fortunately, in my culture, men are capable of making their own meals and serving them. Isn’t diversity great?
5zeds · 21/11/2021 00:51

The loo thing is weird, making cups of tea totally normal. I cook the vast majority of our food, and dh makes the vast majority of drinks. I’m a better cook and he makes a nice cuppa. Both of us can do both jobs! I’d hate him coming to the toilet with me WTF!

Titsywoo · 21/11/2021 00:51

Dh and I often shower together. Not in a sexy way but we just chat as we shower (it's fairly big). Don't go to the loo together though. After a lot of years together I guess all couples have their quirky things. We can do things without each other though.

5zeds · 21/11/2021 00:53

@Furzebush I expect there are things you do that other cultures would find dreadful.

IndecentCakes · 21/11/2021 00:55

I'm scowling even imagining my husband coming near the toilet or shower when I'm in it...

caringcarer · 21/11/2021 00:57

My dh gets up earlier than me and always brings me a pot of tea in bed every morning unless he is I'll. I am at home so I make him a coffee as he gets in from work.

Ozgirl75 · 21/11/2021 03:02

I’ve been married for 17 years and have never done any of those things. Therefore; weird.

Ozgirl75 · 21/11/2021 03:03

I mean, we make each other teas and food and things but wouldn’t just exist helplessly if the other one didn’t do it for us.

Rno3gfr · 21/11/2021 03:56

I wish dp would meticulously butter my toast! Normally he just shouts to ask if I’ve seen his stupid socks

Happyhappyday · 21/11/2021 04:03

Weird. DB & DSIL seem incapable of going anywhere without each other. So irritating.

CrackersDontMatter · 21/11/2021 04:33

The only time my Dh has joined me in the loo is when I had covid and he had to carry me there! He'll make me a drink if I ask and vice versa but all of those things seem odd.

LawnFever · 21/11/2021 07:35

@caringcarer

My dh gets up earlier than me and always brings me a pot of tea in bed every morning unless he is I'll. I am at home so I make him a coffee as he gets in from work.
There’s a sensible reasoning behind those, that’s just being nice to each other Smile
user1471462428 · 21/11/2021 07:36

My ex il laws live overseas and when his brother in law finishes his food his sister takes away his plate and wipes his face like a child. I’ve never seen that behaviour in this country!! The image of your mum being unable to get a glass of water is really making me laugh.

Antsgomarching · 21/11/2021 07:37

So odd.

FindingMeno · 21/11/2021 07:43

If I waited for my dh to get me a glass of water I would die of dehydration.
He probably wouldn't even notice I had until the washing up started piling up.

Changecountetextraordinaire · 21/11/2021 07:46

The only time DH has ever come to the loo with me was at a sport event where someone forgot to unlock the ladies loo Hmm and DH stood at the door of the gents while I used it.

Otherwise all your examples are odd.

Iamanicepersonreally · 21/11/2021 07:47

Your family are oddballs

Onlinedilema · 21/11/2021 07:51

Odd.
We make each other drinks.
I cannot imagine going to the toilet with dh.