If you’re in a LTR do you refer to your DP as husband/wife?

[TheShriekingShack]

I have a close friend who keeps saying things like omg moving house, that was stressful we nearly got divorced! Or we argued so much putting up Ikea furniture i thought it’d end in divorce!

She has a house and 2DC with her DP so they are definitely committed but not married. I don’t think she’s secretly married as I think she’d take his name and want an engagement ring etc and she hasn’t got either.

I’m neither married nor in a long LTR so I thought I’d ask MN if this is a thing people do? Is it like saying you’re a common law wife thing?

It’s a thing I’ve seen on here but not in rl. Common law wife isn’t a thing but a shocking number of people still seem to believe it is. It sounds like your friend wants to be married and her bloke doesn’t so she’s just pretending. Poor thing.

We joke all the time that we’re gonna get divorced before we even get married. Or “I’m gonna divorce you if you do that!” “You’ll have to bloody marry me first” etc, all in jest. But I wouldn’t just use the word divorce as shorthand for splitting up without referring to the fact we are not, in fact, married. Especially not to someone who isn’t my partner!

No, but I do struggle sometimes with how to refer to DP. I don't like 'partner' (sounds like we run an accountancy firm together) so tend to say 'boyfriend', but that feels faintly ridiculous seeing as a) we're both into our 40s and b) we've been together two decades...!

No, never. Refer to him as "partner" or occasionally "other half". Can't imagine saying something like "We nearly got divorced" in jokey context - think I'd just say "We nearly split up"

OTOH, does anyone else who is married refer to their spouse as a partner?

No. I think it’s a really odd thing to do to be honest . If someone I knew was doing this I hate to say but I’d assume they were keen to be married and their partner didn’t want to.

No, and I think that’s really odd. I would laugh and reply saying they’d have to get married first!

Before we got married, dh used to refer to me as "the mrs" I hated it, because
a. we weren't married and
b. it's not a term of endearment
I'm not sure if this was a local thing though as most of the lads I hung out with in my early 20s would refer to their gfs as "the mrs"
Now he just refers to me as my name or wife, he does interchange it with other half too.

No, refer to them as "partner" and wouldn't make any jokes about divorce. I sometimes refer to my DPs parents and family as the "out-laws" though, in jokey way.

I would imagine that your friend probably really wishes that she was married, but for some reason she isn't as yet.

In an LTR, but not married. I don’t call DP my husband, but there have been occasions where other people have (e.g DD’s swimming teacher/the chap in the post office) and I usually don’t bother to correct them because I don’t want to come off as pedantic. Sometimes I find saying “partner” implies a same-sex relationship, and “DD’s dad” suggests we’re separated, so it can be a bit awkward.

Yeah, I sometimes refer to DP as ‘husband’.

When I worked in elderly care and my peeps would ask about him it was ‘tidier’ in their minds if if was my husband.

Sometimes I say boyfriend but we’re in our 40s and it sounds a bit teenagery.

I often just say my ‘man’ or my ‘bloke’.

I have no hankering to be married. ‘Husband’ is often just easier.

@StillWeRise

OTOH, does anyone else who is married refer to their spouse as a partner?

Someone I used to work with did. She was a Mrs, wore wedding and engagement rings, had been married about 30 years and thought partner was more fashionable so used that instead of husband.

No, still partner after 21 years.

I’ve only know one person to do this IRL. There was no reason for her to refer to him as her husband to our group of friends (like some of the reason given by PP) and tbh when I found out they weren’t actually married I made me think she was a bit strange.

My fiancée refers to me as his wife. Has done for ages. We get married next month though!

Nope - I refer to my partner as just that. Or sometimes my other half or boyfriend. Also together for 21 years. I never know whether to correct people (just random ones) who refer to him as my husband. I do always correct anyone who refers to me by his surname.

My mother sometimes refers to my stepdad (her partner of 30+ years) as her husband, for convenience/ease of “placing” him in discussions with other people. She definitely doesn’t secretly wish they were married, although he would happily have married her from the off! She fully swore off marriage after a bad divorce from my dad.

I think it’s quite sweet and I’d be sorry to have anyone judging her as sad for doing it.

Closest I get to is referring to partners parents as the in laws at times.

boyfriend does sounds odd at near 50 and fiancé too twee, like I want to discuss wedding planning right then and there!

I occasionally did it in some circumstances as it was easier than saying boyfriend.

After 15 years and 2 children boyfriend seemed like not a serious enough term and I hate partner.

He is my husband now though!

That seems really weird to me.
15 years and one child later, I call him my "other half" and he calls me his "girlfriend".
I don't generally correct people who assume we're married, but I'd never say or imply that we are.

Yes I can see boyfriend feels a bit strange in your 50s! Though we are all early 30s.

I occasionally say 'wife' about DP purely because there's ambiguity otherwise (people assume she's my male partner if I say partner). I think talking about divorce is weird though!

It does sound like she wants to be married to him. I would find it strange too OP.

My lover
Mi amore

No I don't but I do refer to his parents as in laws as does he mine, it's just easier than saying partners parents when talking to others.