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Original poster

How to deal with Boasty McBoastersons?

76 replies

MareofBeasttown · 15/11/2021 15:13

I have a "friend". Let's call her A. I say "friend" because I do not like her. However, her husband is close to my DH and we have known them for over 20 years off and on. DC similar age, similar professional and ethnic backgrounds blah blah. Have used Covid as a reason to avoid her for a while, but cannot use this excuse any more.

The reason I do not like A is because she is involved in an endless parental competition that I did not agree to enter. Her DC went to top private schools, graduated top of class and are now in Ivy leagues or on their way to Oxbridge. ( they are wealthy) All this is great, but I just don't want to talk about their achievements all the time. A literally has only 3 topics of conversation:
How fantastic her DC are
How much money she has made on various clever property investments
How fantastic her DC are
How tired and busy she is ( she does not work, and has a full time housekeeper!)
How fantastic her DC are

We have a dinner with A and her husband next week. I don't know how I am going to get through it without screaming. I once tried saying lightly "Enough about the kids, what are you doing with yourselves?" She just looked blankly at me and there was a loaded silence.

Just as an example of her competiveness, she asked after my DS. I mentioned that he was finding Maths in Year 13 tough. Immediately, she went on to say "DD2 is ranked third for maths in the whole of the UK and has won numerous medals blah blah."

I do think A is a good person under all this baggage she is carrying around, but I can no longer be bothered to excavate that person under the tiger mom exterior.

OP posts:
Djifunrsn · 15/11/2021 15:15

Don't go to the dinner.

Original poster
MareofBeasttown · 15/11/2021 15:17

I wish I could, but DH feels we should. May I say that DH is far more tolerant than me, mostly likes everyone and says we should be forgiving of A because she is clearly insecure.

A is quite a helpful person, btw. She is just obsessed with competing. I don't know why because my DC are nowhere in her DC's league, so there is no point.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 15/11/2021 15:19

Yes, phase her out.

I was going to say exaggerate your own dc's achievements and tell her you have won the lottery but I just couldn't be bothered. She sounds painful.

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CarrotSticks19 · 15/11/2021 15:21

Do they rank children for maths in the uk? Sounds more like she did well in one maths challenge or something

Honestly play her at her own game. Make increasingly over exaggerated statements about your own DC. Make it a game to see what you can come up with

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 15/11/2021 15:21

Just answer ‘That’s nice’ to every boast.

Newgirls · 15/11/2021 15:21

She sounds very dull. You could try the ‘what are YOU doing’ line again but she might not have a good answer

SW1amp · 15/11/2021 15:22

I saw a friend do something quite clever recently

We know a couple - let’s call them Sam and Pam - who cannot stop talking about money, how much they earn, how much they are spending on a holiday etc

I was at a dinner recently with Sam and Pam, and another couple, Jack and Jill.

Before Sam and Pam could start talking, Jill said ‘oh we met the MOST boring people last night, some other parents from school. Honestly within 10 mins of arriving, we heard what they both earned, how much their new car was going to cost, how they had paid over the odds for their building work but I didn’t matter. I was gonna smacked, but also cringing. If they were like that with us, can you imagine what they were like with people they know well’

Sam and Pam nodded along in agreement with how crass and awful it was but god, they didn’t mention money ONCE that night!

So can you adopt a similar strategy..? Your imaginary new neighbours are cringeworthy because they never stop weird bragging about their kids

Comedycook · 15/11/2021 15:22

Talk about the news!

SavoyCabbage · 15/11/2021 15:23

You are just going to have to pull her up on it then. And like you said, steer conversation away from her children.

Dd2 is ranked third for maths 'right, but that's not going to help my John! He's finding it tricky.'

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 15/11/2021 15:24

Alcohol lots of it to numb the pain obviously. Just feel sorry for her that she does not seems to have anything else in her life. My old neighbour was like this about his son who went to medical school, bloody hell it was all that man ever spoke about but he had an empty life outside of his sons achievements.

WorraLiberty · 15/11/2021 15:24

Just start being honest with her if she doesn't see you zoning out.

Tell her how she makes you feel. If she gets the hump then so be it.

Bunce1 · 15/11/2021 15:24

That’s nice dear.

Every time.

And change the subject!?

AperolWhore · 15/11/2021 15:24

@SW1amp this is brilliant! I’m going to use this the next time I see my Tommy topper mum friend who’s child could walk at 6m and knew 5000 words by 12m 🤣

Kinsters · 15/11/2021 15:26

SW1amp that's genius! I agree with others though, why bother? As I've gotten older I really have no time for people that I don't get along with. Quirks like that which I used to put up with I just don't anymore.

Thumbcat · 15/11/2021 15:28

I think I'd find that level of boasting quite amusing and would have to subtly take the piss with mock awe and stupid questions about her wonder child's achievements.

Mybalconyiscracking · 15/11/2021 15:28

Tel her your DD is pregnant with her married boss’ child and your DS is addicted to crack cocaine. You feel such a failure as a parent that you really can’t bear the trauma of hearing of other kids that are doing well.

Welshiefluff · 15/11/2021 15:29

Why did you agree to go for dinner? Tell yout husband that you dislike her and he should see his mate alone.

Whatinthelord · 15/11/2021 15:29

@SW1amp has given you the perfect strategy.
Im gonna lock that in my memory.

I do think it’s sad though. Maybe she doesn’t know what else to talk about. Can you try throwing some curve ball topics in that she can engage with.

What else do you talk about. If jibs maybe she struggles if she hasn’t worked out the home in a long time.n

Animood · 15/11/2021 15:30

You're an adult.

If you don't like someone, you don't have to go to a dinner.

Tell your DH he can go if he wants to, but you're staying home.

Just make an excuse this time and then don't see them again.

I repeat. If you don't like someone you do not have to socialise with them.

lunarlandscape · 15/11/2021 15:30

Stop thinking of it as competing. She sounds like she's trying to reassure herself she has done well by them or living vicariously through them as she doesn't feel that successful herself if she is a SAHM whose DC have grown. Or she may be one of those people - sort of Self Help/American style who thinks that constant regurgitation of amazing facts about her life is a positive force to share - that she is celebrating and sharing good vibes not competing.

Why not say: 'Ooh, let's drink to that!' when she boasts and then energetically ask her opinion on something that isn't family related - something in the news or some safe topic like how she's planning to decorate the house for Christmas or what she thinks of the latest Bond film ending etc.

Might not be riveting but it's only one night and if you try to look at it as things she'd love to have someone to celebrate with rather than boasting, you won't feel so antagonised. Maybe.

SW1amp · 15/11/2021 15:31

@AperolWhore

I had one of those in my NCT group

I used to deadpan that DS barely had time to learn first words in English before his first birthday because of all the mandarin and Russian homework I was making him do

She had no idea what to say in response Grin

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/11/2021 15:31

Tell her you've booked a holiday to Tenerife and see if she's going to Elevenerife? Might make you smile anyway (and there is absolutely no UK-wide maths ranking. It simply doesn't exist and she's bats)

NotJustACigar · 15/11/2021 15:31

Surely they're Boasty McBoastfaces? Grin

I probably wouldn't be able to resist raising the stakes a bit on the previous loaded silence and say..."oh, let's talk about something more interesting than the kids, hahaha....so what have you been up to lately?

Newgirls · 15/11/2021 15:31

@SW1amp

I saw a friend do something quite clever recently

We know a couple - let’s call them Sam and Pam - who cannot stop talking about money, how much they earn, how much they are spending on a holiday etc

I was at a dinner recently with Sam and Pam, and another couple, Jack and Jill.

Before Sam and Pam could start talking, Jill said ‘oh we met the MOST boring people last night, some other parents from school. Honestly within 10 mins of arriving, we heard what they both earned, how much their new car was going to cost, how they had paid over the odds for their building work but I didn’t matter. I was gonna smacked, but also cringing. If they were like that with us, can you imagine what they were like with people they know well’

Sam and Pam nodded along in agreement with how crass and awful it was but god, they didn’t mention money ONCE that night!

So can you adopt a similar strategy..? Your imaginary new neighbours are cringeworthy because they never stop weird bragging about their kids

Genius!
1forAll74 · 15/11/2021 15:34

Just think of amusing things to say, when she is in big boasting mode. You will then be a star, and she will look foolish.. It's called being devilish kind of.

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