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Original poster

How to deal with Boasty McBoastersons?

76 replies

MareofBeasttown · 15/11/2021 15:13

I have a "friend". Let's call her A. I say "friend" because I do not like her. However, her husband is close to my DH and we have known them for over 20 years off and on. DC similar age, similar professional and ethnic backgrounds blah blah. Have used Covid as a reason to avoid her for a while, but cannot use this excuse any more.

The reason I do not like A is because she is involved in an endless parental competition that I did not agree to enter. Her DC went to top private schools, graduated top of class and are now in Ivy leagues or on their way to Oxbridge. ( they are wealthy) All this is great, but I just don't want to talk about their achievements all the time. A literally has only 3 topics of conversation:
How fantastic her DC are
How much money she has made on various clever property investments
How fantastic her DC are
How tired and busy she is ( she does not work, and has a full time housekeeper!)
How fantastic her DC are

We have a dinner with A and her husband next week. I don't know how I am going to get through it without screaming. I once tried saying lightly "Enough about the kids, what are you doing with yourselves?" She just looked blankly at me and there was a loaded silence.

Just as an example of her competiveness, she asked after my DS. I mentioned that he was finding Maths in Year 13 tough. Immediately, she went on to say "DD2 is ranked third for maths in the whole of the UK and has won numerous medals blah blah."

I do think A is a good person under all this baggage she is carrying around, but I can no longer be bothered to excavate that person under the tiger mom exterior.

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 15/11/2021 17:11

Say ohh I think we should race 'em.

FabulouslyFab · 15/11/2021 17:12

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

Just answer ‘That’s nice’ to every boast.

😂😂 Is that the ‘Mrs Brown’ way???

AtlasPine · 15/11/2021 17:14

@NotJustACigar

I think *@LookItsMeAgain* is onto something but it needs to be more subtle I think...the best way to deal with boasting in my experience is to pretend you actually thought the person was saying something negative. My most successful example was when my horrible colleague was boasting about having a masters degree when I only had an undergraduate degree when we were in the same job. I said, oh, I wouldn't worry about it, some people just need a little more help and a structured learning environment to get to the same level as others. Her face was an absolute picture

I love this idea.

My son earns so much

What a shame - hopefully he will still hang on to some scraps of family values and remember you all! (Tinkly laugh)

My daughter is a genius at maths.

It always so worrying isn’t it with young people who push themselves into one thing only and become such perfectionists - have you thought of introducing her to hill walking or volunteering of some sort?

We have made so much money with our rentals this year.

I hear you. It’s a horrible feeling, isn’t it, knowing you have done well while others are struggling - even possibly from those others. But you shouldn’t feel too bad, I imagine you worked very hard for that while you were still productive etc.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

AtlasPine · 15/11/2021 17:15

‘I wonder which of our children would win in a cage fight?’

pastypirate · 15/11/2021 17:16

Start flogging some MLM aloe Vera shit and hound her....

Georgyporky · 15/11/2021 17:25

To paraphrase from "Goodness gracious me" ask :-

"Yes, but how big is his willy? " or "Yes, but how big are her tits?"

Strokethefurrywall · 15/11/2021 17:26

Play a drinking game. You and DH can shout “chug!” every time she says something boastful.

You’ll be leathered, and she’ll be confused.

Or you could just close your eyes and pretend to snore for every boast.

Or you could just sigh and tell her to shut up and stop being so boastful? Might make things far easier. And if she doesn’t want to see you again, you’ve won!

ButterflyAway · 15/11/2021 17:28

Just raise your eyebrows every single time. She’s obviously one of those people that lives through her children, there’s not much you can do to counter that except ignore.

Fairylights25 · 15/11/2021 17:30

I have a friend like this, I can't avoid her as she is a neighbour, example:

Ella won the scholarship for music!
Me; Of course she did I would expect nothing less

Ella is on track for a full house of 9s for her GCSE
Me: Of course she is I would expect nothing less

Ella is on track for a job as the Prime Minister
Me: Of course she is I would expect nothing less

Eventually boasty mother gets tired of the lack of recognition, gets grumpy and starts wittering on about her pot plants. By which time I thank her for the Ella update and move on to someone far more interesting.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 15/11/2021 17:45

@3beesinmybonnet

As you get older you realise life really is too short to waste on "friends" you don't like. Your DH thinks you should be more tolerant presumably because it doesn't bother him. Also he doesn't want to risk upsetting his friend by explaining to him why you don't want to socialise with his DW. Everyone's happy except you OP but your feelings and your life are just as important as anyone else's. I think you need to sit down with your DH and tell him his friend is his friend and it shouldn't automaticallly follow that you have to socialise with his DW who drives you crazy. He'll probably try to guilt trip you but why do you have to be unhappy so that everyone else can be happy? You are not responsible for their feelings and your happiness is just as important as theirs. I think you're stuck with this dinner party so I suggest you have a few drinks to anaesthetise yourself. But when your DH suggests inviting them round for dinner make it clear you're having no part in it.

Or she could just grit her teeth and put up with some mild annoyance, for her DH’s sake. Probably he doesn’t love all her friends either.

Reallybadidea · 15/11/2021 17:51

I like @SW1amp's friends approach. It's really adaptable too - at this time of year I might bring up the topic of "those awful Round Robin letters people used to send, where they just used it to boast about their talented children and their enormous property portfolio"

Stovetopespresso · 15/11/2021 17:54

some great suggestions on here!

I have friends a bit like this, everything is super and shiny with them while I am f**King something up (late, stressed, normal etc).
I find being slightly outrageous but lighthearted and very interested helps and they are actually a good laugh when all is said and done.

So I gently teased one of them for their dress sense, accidentally mis-heard something the other one said, was highly complimentary about food/decor and asked all the questions so they had a good chance to talk about themselves.

SW1amp · 15/11/2021 17:55

@AtlasPine

‘I wonder which of our children would win in a cage fight?’

😂😂😂😂

Arrowheart · 15/11/2021 17:56

I had friends like this. They acted like they were the first people in the world to ever have children. Every single thing they did was better than everyone else. I'm no longer friends with them and life has been all the sweeter for it.

TrudyRuby · 15/11/2021 18:03

Order the nicest thing on the menu, drink the best wine, have a pudding. Enjoy the bit you can.

She clearly has nothing else to talk about, so sad.

MordenLarch · 15/11/2021 18:05

I’ve got a ‘friend’ a bit like that. She’s much, much more successful than me (in the same field) but I often get the impression that it’s not enough for her to succeed, everyone else has to fail as well. Makes the whole thing quite exhausting

londonmummy1966 · 15/11/2021 18:10

It's so annoying when parents behave like this. I sort of wish I could channel the Czar in The Great. Then every time someone boasts like this I could stand up, shout "huzzah" and chuck my wineglass in the fireplace.

If they have nice glassware it might be a way of stopping her of course.

2bazookas · 15/11/2021 18:11

I once tried saying lightly "Enough about the kids, what are you doing with yourselves?" She just looked blankly at me and there was a loaded silence.

Good result! I'd do exactly the same again. And again. And again. She will eventually take such umbrage she'll drop you.

IncompleteSenten · 15/11/2021 18:36

What about saying yes, your children are fabulous, a real credit to you but I'd like to hear about you. What are you up to? How's your life going? What have you been doing recently?

Fairylights25 · 15/11/2021 18:41

My teen's eyes just rolled to the back of her head with a sigh the minute boasty mother started, it worked wonders!!
It honestly did, I think boasty mother was a bit embarrassed even....well for at least five minutes until she found her next victim. Poor sods.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 15/11/2021 18:43

I honestly just wouldn’t go , why do people feel they should go to places with people they dislike.? If someone didn’t like me I wouldn’t want them to feel they must enjoy my company.

Mum6776 · 15/11/2021 19:01

I feel a bit sorry for her. She's got no interests or accomplishments for herself. I had a very boastful friend. I didn't think her achievements were much to boast about tbh, they were exaggerations a lot of the time. It got bad for a while as her DC began to repeat the boasting, usually about how marvellous they all were. Then one day she stopped. Somebody must've said something. I'm very grateful they did as she's ok now.

flapjackfairy · 15/11/2021 19:10

I feel sorry for the kids. Imagine having to be perfect all the time to validate your parents worth. V sad really.

CalamariGames · 15/11/2021 19:13

If she seems like a nice person underneath I would try not to think of it as boasting and think of it as a sort of social ineptitude mixed with a bit of insecurity. Ok she has a nice life but with that kind of social skills she won't make many friends.

powershowerforanhour · 16/11/2021 00:55

I wonder which of our children would win in a cage fight?’

Short and to the point. I like it. Also the drinking game one, potentially in combo with the "Huzzah!!" wineglass chucking.

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