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Original poster

Church with small children

75 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 14/11/2021 08:19

DH and I are in disagreement

2 children, 3 and 1 1 year old walking. 3 year old is energetic and interested. Keeping him quiet during a whole service is nigh on impossible.

One of us thinks that it just isn't worth the hassle of constantly taking the 3 year old out and keeping things safe from being chewed by the baby etc

The other thinks that everyone is welcome in church and as long as we aren't disruptive for intercessions etc then we should keep going.

Thoughts welcome.

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 14/11/2021 08:23

DH used to take ours every week as babies & toddlers. They would be expected to stay on the pew & had colouring or something to do. Catholic Church though & the children aren't really allowed to mess about during the service. I'm not Catholic so don't go. However as a result they were pretty good at other toddler activities as they were used to being expected to sit still for certain things.

converseandjeans · 14/11/2021 08:24

I think if you're religious then surely you just go & the kids get used to it. I know with Catholic faith you're expected to go weekly. So kids need to get used to that.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 14/11/2021 08:24

The church we went to when ours were little had a little play area with colouring and quiet toys that toddlers could use throughout the service.
CofE.

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lorn195 · 14/11/2021 08:25

At our local church they have bags full of toys and books for children with a specific area at the back of the church for them to play. Could you ask whether the church has a similar set up? Tbh the congregation are used to children making noise and talking during the service.

FluffMagnet · 14/11/2021 08:26

Most churches now have play areas for children. I admit I still find it stressful (ove just been to a funeral with a 2.5 yr old and newborn - never have I been so on edge), but I find most people enjoy seeing young children around so long as they are not causing so much disruption that the service itself cannot be followed. If you have a welcoming vicar, you should go.

WishICouldButIDontWantTo · 14/11/2021 08:29

Our Church has the first half of the service for family, then the 2nd half, children go through to church hall for Sunday school while parents/rest of the congregation stay for the rest of the service.
Can you find a church with a similar set up?

StoneColdBitch · 14/11/2021 08:30

I agree with "everyone is welcome in church and as long as we aren't disruptive for intercessions etc then we should keep going".

We have similarly-aged children and go to church every week. The first church we went to wasn't very accommodating and the congregation weren't uses even to fairly well-behaved children - after a couple of months, the vicar asked us to bring them only to the special family services that run a couple of times a month. That isn't what we believe - we think children should be welcome in normal services - so we found another church locally which shares our approach.

ParkheadParadise · 14/11/2021 08:33

Catholic Church here all kids are welcome.
Sunday Mass is full of kids. Both my dd's went from newborn.

Hardbackwriter · 14/11/2021 08:33

One of us thinks that it just isn't worth the hassle of constantly taking the 3 year old out and keeping things safe from being chewed by the baby etc

The other thinks that everyone is welcome in church and as long as we aren't disruptive for intercessions etc then we should keep going.

These aren't mutually contradictory, you may both be right: everyone is welcome in church so you don't need to stop going on other people's behalf, but it could still be the case that it's too much hassle for you as a family. We go (with a 3 year old and a 9 month old) because it's important to us both and I do think that it's good for the 3 year old overall - I can really see how he's become more and more aware of what is and isn't appropriate in church over time and so is becoming much easier to manage - but to be honest some weeks it's does feel like more hassle than it's worth. It's absolutely fine to keep going but depending on how religious you are it might be a fine option to say that just one of you goes (did this recently because the DC were ill and DH stayed home with them and I went; it was bliss!) or similar until they're older. No one is outright wrong here, it depends on you as a family and how important church is to you.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 14/11/2021 08:34

Literally no chance of keeping the 3 year old still. None

There are some books but they won't hold their attention. The vestry is sound proof but is full of stuff the kids can't touch.

Vicar is welcoming

OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 14/11/2021 08:35

@WishICouldButIDontWantTo

Our Church has the first half of the service for family, then the 2nd half, children go through to church hall for Sunday school while parents/rest of the congregation stay for the rest of the service. Can you find a church with a similar set up?
Probably not for a 1 year old! There are some churches where the 3 year old could go to a special toddler group equivalent of Sunday school (I've only known very big churches with loads of children offer this) but in almost every church I've been to Sunday school is for school-aged children.
megletthesecond · 14/11/2021 08:36

We used to go to a children's C of E service once a month. The vicar kept it a little shorter. It's a proper old stone church, incense etc and the kids were allowed to walk around and help.
I'm not that religious though so once a month was ideal for me.

Hardbackwriter · 14/11/2021 08:37

@DueyCheatemAndHow

Literally no chance of keeping the 3 year old still. None

There are some books but they won't hold their attention. The vestry is sound proof but is full of stuff the kids can't touch.

Vicar is welcoming

I do think you can maybe find a church that's more set up for children than this, though - as PP have said, lots (most, in my experience) have a play area with toys for young children, even if it's just at the back or side of the nave.
NannyR · 14/11/2021 08:38

The only way they are going to get used to it is by going consistently. You would be made really welcome at our church - we have a space at the back where they don't have to sit still and we have creche and Sunday school for half of the service. We also have two services each sunday, one is a quieter, more formal service, mainly attended by older people and a more informal, all age service which would be more appropriate for families. Maybe look around a few churches and find one that works for you, or if you already go to a church and want to continue but it's not that child friendly, have a word with the vicar or staff team to see how you can start to make the church more welcoming to young families.

We have a family that bring a particularly energetic toddler at the moment, last week an older lady at church brought a bunch of flowers for the mum, saying "I've been where you are years ago when mine were small, you are doing a great job and it does get better" which I thought was lovely.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 14/11/2021 08:41

There is a less formal church but they aren't very nice - we do have lots of lovely people at ours

OP posts:
Scarby9 · 14/11/2021 08:42

In our church you would be so welcome!

We have a carpeted area with quiet toys (doll's house, wooden train set, building blocks, pull along toys, books) for the first half of the service, then all kids that want to (or their parents want!) come out to children's group.

We have a wonderful room with a baby area at one side. Parents sit and chat there while we do activities with the 3+ children.

As the vicar is welcoming (which shouldn't really need saying, but sadly does), could you suggest making an area in church with quiet toys?

Babdoc · 14/11/2021 08:44

One of our local churches has a separate creche, staffed by volunteer grannies from the congregation on a rota, for babies and toddlers up to 3. At 3, they go into the Sunday School, after the first 15 minutes of the service, which is mainly the “children’s address”, aimed at them and usually fun and interactive.
Other churches have a box of toys in a pew, and mothers are welcome to sit with their babies on their lap, taking them out to the vestibule if they cry.
No church should be making mums and young children unwelcome - Jesus rebuked his own disciples for doing exactly that!

WishICouldButIDontWantTo · 14/11/2021 08:48

@Hardbackwriter ours isn't so much Sunday School in the traditional sense. Parents can take their children through for a mix of child friendly activities related to the topic (for toddlers and older children) and almost crèche like facilities for younger ones to play until the end of the service.

sillysmiles · 14/11/2021 09:00

Literally no chance of keeping the 3 year old still. None

As someone who grew up Catholic and occasionally still attend for particular purposes - your 3 will learn but it will take time and consistent parenting. But no one minds a child playing with a car along the pew or quietly playing even babbling along.* It's just screaming that's an issue imo.

*the little kids babbling and trying to say hi to other people is kinda cute and funny.

Don't stress it, just be prepared to have to leave and over time the length of time thre 3yrs ability to stay for the whole service will grow.

Hardbackwriter · 14/11/2021 09:00

I think I've only seen a creche set-up in a CofE church once, and it was in a very big, very evangelical church. I used to have a job that involved visiting a lot of churches (though before I had my own DC, so I maybe didn't notice as much as I would now what they were doing with the children!). But most CofE congregations skew elderly and young families are a (usually very welcome) minority, I can imagine it's different in denominations with much younger congregations.

stingofthebutterfly · 14/11/2021 09:02

I think most people are tolerant of young children at a family service. At the church I go to, toddlers are forever wandering the aisles and it's not a problem. The adults get their time whilst the children go out to Sunday school. Obviously take your child out if they're screaming the place down, but don't let your little ones put you off going.

careerchangeperhaps · 14/11/2021 09:05

If church is part of your family life then the children need to go regularly so that they can learn how to behave in church. No one will mind a little outburst here and there from a baby / toddler as long as you are encouraging quiet play / reading books during the service rather than handing them an iPad / noisy toys that will cause obvious disruption to the other church-goers.

Scarby9 · 14/11/2021 09:05

@Hardbackwriter
And I have never attended a CofE church without a creche or a place for parents to accompany their small children.
The starting point for my teaching career was helping in creche when I hit 10.

Scarby9 · 14/11/2021 09:06

As in, when I became the age of 10.
Not hit 10 creche members....

LefttoherownDevizes · 14/11/2021 09:06

Does your Church offer story bags? Wee are lucky enough to have a crèche for babies and toddlers and then kids work starts age 3, but we also welcome (in theory) children through the service who want to stay with their parents. There are, inevitably some who welcome less than others.

I've seen at some Churches story bags, cloth bags with a book and then toys based on the book -ie Noah's Ark, Jonah and the Whale etc). Great to pull out when they're starting to find it too much. The toys were crocheted/crafted by Church members.

Can I ask v roughly where you are OP? Have a horrible feeling the large Church you said want friendly could be mine :(