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Original poster

Church with small children

75 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 14/11/2021 08:19

DH and I are in disagreement

2 children, 3 and 1 1 year old walking. 3 year old is energetic and interested. Keeping him quiet during a whole service is nigh on impossible.

One of us thinks that it just isn't worth the hassle of constantly taking the 3 year old out and keeping things safe from being chewed by the baby etc

The other thinks that everyone is welcome in church and as long as we aren't disruptive for intercessions etc then we should keep going.

Thoughts welcome.

OP posts:

Fifthtimelucky · 14/11/2021 09:13

I used to go to church with a 3 year old and a 1 year old (and with a 2 year old before the younger one was born and when she was a baby).

After the first 10 minutes or so the children were taken into a different room for 'Sunday school' and then were brought back towards the end for a blessing. I put Sunday school in inverted commas because obviously the very young ones weren't taught anything. They just played with toys and, when old enough, coloured in pictures. It was a small, mainly elderly, congregation (CofE) , and there were usually 6-8 children there.

The first few times, I went out with my older daughter, but after a couple of weeks she was happy to go without me. The baby initially stayed with me but when she got to about 6-8 months she went out too.

I can honestly say that the children and I were always made to feel very welcome. If the baby ever cried, I just (breast) fed her and no one ever had a problem with that.

Gliderx · 14/11/2021 09:20

The answer is simple really. The one who thinks all children are welcome in church whatever their behaviour takes the kids to church. Alone. The other parent can potter around the house and make a start on Sunday lunch. Then the other parent can go to church next week. Without the kids. And alternate weeks from now on. Then you both get your way.

converseandjeans · 14/11/2021 09:22

Literally no chance of keeping the 3 year old still

Honestly it is possible if you stick to routine & take plenty for them to do. Our DS was really lively as a toddler & wouldn't even watch TV or sit and read a book. It was just expected of him & he did manage it. It's been a great life skill for him.

Interested in this thread?

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1 year olds 3 year olds Families Philosophy & religion

AreYouRightThereSkippy · 14/11/2021 09:23

Depends on the children and depends on the church I think.

We go to church, but tend to go to the family services where it's expected that small children will be there and they aren't expected to be completely silent.

Actually, even if we take them on occasion to the main service, there is a separate area for children to play in if they get restless.

This is CofE and pretty relaxed. High Catholic Church (which I've also been to, but never with dcs), I think it different. Although the big cathedrals are so big and nobody pays attention to what anyone else is doing anyway ime.

Gliderx · 14/11/2021 09:24

And if the OP's DH wants to spend his Sunday morning trying to keep the 3yo still in church, that's up to him. Personally, I would bail on that and go by myself next week.

DinosApple · 14/11/2021 09:33

I was on my own taking mine (DH is not Catholic), and they were 17 months apart. It was tricky, but they never screamed, a few times I had to take them out briefly. I'd take a dummy, a drink, and a few quiet toys, plus emergency raisins- something quiet and fiddly to eat means they have to concentrate harder, for longer and they're generally quieter doing that!

Although there were no other children, everyone (mostly retired) was lovely and helped me out. DD1 would get the nuns making a fuss over her feeding her chocolate, and they'd have her during the homily.
I do remember it being quite stressful sometimes, but by 4 they would be very good in church.

We don't go at the moment due to high Covid cases in their schools and all the congregation are older, which does make me sad.

Original poster

DueyCheatemAndHow · 14/11/2021 09:35

We are in Kent

We are leaving now and I'm already stressed. I have a broken arm which doesn't help

OP posts:

Original poster

DueyCheatemAndHow · 14/11/2021 09:35

Plan aborted..dS got hold.of my eyeliner and has drawn all over himself

OP posts:

ItsDinah · 14/11/2021 09:38

Religious picture books and sweeties are traditional coping methods for toddlers. It can be even worse if you leave it until they are older to teach them to behave in church.

LefttoherownDevizes · 14/11/2021 09:38

@DueyCheatemAndHow

Plan aborted..dS got hold.of my eyeliner and has drawn all over himself

He works in mysterious ways. It's Rememberance Day so would have been an extra tough one to sit through, I'm a grown adult but struggling today so given myself the day off, think less stressful for you all round to be home

bizboz · 14/11/2021 09:38

You need to find a more family-friendly church. Our one has children's groups that run for.most of the service (including one for pre-schoolers) and a play area. It is recognised that young children don't sit still for the length of your average church service. There is a family-friendly service once a month that is shorter and less formal so they get the experience of sitting in a service.

You also need snacks!

Original poster

DueyCheatemAndHow · 14/11/2021 09:42

DH is taking him. Will be about 20 mins late, really don't see the point!

OP posts:

makelovenotpetrol · 14/11/2021 09:45

I'm not Christian but I would like to think that you would be welcome even if your children aren't quiet. The C of E is well known for losing members and not having enough people interested in religion these days. I heard it on R4 not so long ago a discussion with a C of E vicar saying that there's the lowest numbers yet attending church.

I would like to think that a church and a religion would be welcoming to all ages but, if the C of E is down on people wishing to be a part of it, in this ever changing world, surely now of all times it would be the right thing to do to make all ages welcome even if they won't sit still!

Gliderx · 14/11/2021 11:13

DH is taking him. Will be about 20 mins late, really don't see the point!

Perfect. Either your DH will discover he has a knack for it and you can send them again together next week or he won't try it again.

degsydoodoos · 14/11/2021 11:22

We always took our kids, from they were newborns. As babies up to say 18 months or so, one of us would just take them out or stand at the back if they cried or shouted, but from toddler age onwards there was "little church" at family mass, so during the liturgy all children of toddler to primary age would go in the vestry and do activities there. Accompanied by a parent up to the age of about 4/5, then with their friends. Is there nothing like this at your church? Perhaps you could suggest it, as I'm sure many other parents of young children would appreciate it.

WaterBottle123 · 14/11/2021 12:14

Wait til kids old enough to decide if they want to attend?

applesandpears33 · 14/11/2021 12:32

We've taken all of our DC from a young age. I would say if your church isn't welcoming then I'd look elsewhere. Otherwise, it can be a very demoralising experience. My other top tip is to take lots of food in tupperware containers so there aren't rustling packets. I gave my kids lots of cardboard boxes of raisins, bread sticks, bits of fruit and carrot etc. When i was a kid my granny used to feed me pan drop peppermints to keep me quiet. We would also take toys but I found toy cars and dinosaurs didn't work well because the kids would make the appropriate noises for them. I also tried to give each child the same toy eg an identical notepad and a pencil so they didn't fight over them. Too many pencils and pens weren't good either because they would roll off the pew and make a noise.

woodhill · 14/11/2021 12:34

I think it's good to take your dc. Churches should want dc to come otherwise there won't be any continuity or church in the future

Tinuviel · 14/11/2021 17:56

We took our 3 from birth as we already attended. (I think DS2 was 8 days old the first time he went). Sunday School went out for part of the service from the age of 3; before that there was a creche and we took littlies across to the creche at the same time as the Sunday School went across (apart from when we were on the creche rota. The pews are Georgian (have doors on) which helped to contain them!
Our church now has a monthly afternoon service for children where they don't have to sit still - there's a craft activity and it's all really interactive. Then we all go across to the church hall for tea, which is delicious - sandwiches, cake, nibbly stuff! Children are still welcome at the morning service but it's not really geared up for them. You can take them to the back or someone will bring an activity bag for them with toys/book.

itsjustnotok · 14/11/2021 18:01

There are several little one's at ours and no one bats an eye while they are there. One lad was crawling under the pews.
His parents just grabbed him.and took him back to the play area. If they are welcoming I don't see the issue.

SarahAndQuack · 14/11/2021 18:07

DD is 4 and we've been regular churchgoers since she was tiny. At first, we went to a church where there were loads of children and babies and noise was very much accepted, even expected. We then moved house. Our church here has a very elderly congregation; there are no other families with children who regularly go, though some go occasionally with older children.

We have actually found everyone is very welcoming. But we have also found that DD has learned to be very quiet and to understand how to behave in church. We went to the remembrance service today and she was very aware she had to be quiet.

It does help that the vicar is brilliant with children and gets her to join in and participate. But it's not at all a child-orientated service, and it works well.

Personally, I'm a big believer in teaching children to sit through adult activities. I was taught that as a child and it's a good skill to have.

CharlieSays13 · 14/11/2021 18:17

Wee ones are very welcome at my church, in fact, the congregation complained that they were leaving the service for Sunday School or crèche too early. Often see a small person going for a bit of a wander or sitting on the steps beside the minister.

Mine are now 7, 8 and 10 and sat through the Remberance Service today beautifully and marked the two minute silence perfectly. They feel comfortable in Church because they've been made to feel like part of the congregation since they were tiny.

HelenaJustina · 14/11/2021 18:25

Keep going, took all my 4DC every week since they were born. As toddlers I had a ‘Mass book bag’ with books/colouring which only came out for Mass, keeps them fresh and gives them something to do. I’d also take quiet snacks like a box of raisins if your timings cross snack time. We have refreshments after Mass at our church and it’s surprising what the bribe of a fairly ordinary biscuit and some weak squash can achieve!

Children are very definitely welcome in our church, we run a Children’s Liturgy of the Word so for part of the Mass under 8s go into the church hall. But all of mine could sit through a Mass by the time they were 4, if you stop taking them they never learn to do it!

horseymum · 14/11/2021 18:38

You would certainly be welcome at ours, even if the children made a bit of noise. I do agree that they do get used to sitting for a certain period of time though which can be good. Sticker books are your friend! Try to find a church with a creche/ Sunday school. Our Sunday school starts from nursery age. If your faith is important to you as a family, it's good to try to go all together. We have an evening service which is quieter that one of us sent to when the kids were little, that was our own time to focus, the morning was about the family.

Original poster

DueyCheatemAndHow · 14/11/2021 18:40

We'd love to go together. But there is just no chance DS would sit down with a sticker book. He's never done that in his life. He's a total live wire.

2bh atm DD still has a morning nap so a 9.30 service is tricky. Everyone is lovely and says I don't need to worry about him but I do and I also start to think what's the point if I came concentrate at all

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