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Original poster

A dog when only 1 adult wants it?

57 replies

BadwordMcGee · 12/11/2021 18:36

I really want a dog. DH does not. I had dogs growing up and have always wanted my own. I finally feel in a position to get one. I'm not fussy on breed from a looks perspective but want mild temperament and one that will enjoy an active family home. I had labradors and collies growing up as well as a handful of Heinz 57 mutts, all equally loved and cherished.

DH has said I can get a dog. But it will be my dog - I'll be responsible for it. DH has agreed that days he's WFH and I'm not he'll let it out for a wee bit won't pick up poo (I'd do that when I'm home). He's agreed he'd feed and walk it if I go away for the weekend (rare) but reluctantly so. I'd be responsible for finding a dog walker, sorting vets appointments, general fuss and organisation.

Can it work?

For reference, we have a secure garden and 2 kids (6&3). We both work full time, DH 3-5 days from home, me 2-3 days from home.

OP posts:

Beautifulday345 · 12/11/2021 18:39

Personally, I’d say no. Will he let it out when he is at home and your not ? Will he walk it when you can’t? Will you be getting a dog walker on the days you are both at work? The only other thing is… could he change his mind once you have it, but a bit of a risk

Beautifulday345 · 12/11/2021 18:40

Ooook literally missed a whole paragraph 😂😂 well possibly then, but I had this with a pet of mine, snd years later DH STILL complains whenever he does anything to do with said pet… it is very wearing 😏

Hortonhearsadoctorwho · 12/11/2021 18:40

It will cause so many arguments and fights and will always be thrown in your face. I wouldn’t personally.

Interested in this thread?

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Dogs

BiteyShark · 12/11/2021 18:41

For me I don't think it would work if he adamant he doesn't want a dog.

They impact on every bit of your life and are a real tie.

I wanted a dog for many years but DH wasn't sure but not against. If he had been against I wouldn't have got one. Fortunately he has fallen totally in love with the dog so no worries there but both of us recognise how much harder things can be as we can't be spontaneous anymore about going out or away as we have to consider the dog.

ShowOfHands · 12/11/2021 18:43

I wanted a cat and DH didn't. We have had her for 5yrs and I do absolutely everything for her and dh doesn't acknowledge her existence in any meaningful way. This is fine, she has all her needs met by me and the DC.

DH would like a dog. I would NOT. There is no way it could work without both of us on board. He can't have a dog and do all the work. I'd do most of the work for an animal I don't want so it can't happen right now.

Sally872 · 12/11/2021 18:44

I wouldn't have a dog. I feel like your dh is trying to be reasonable but if he doesn't want one I don't think it is fair.

Original poster

BadwordMcGee · 12/11/2021 18:45

@Beautifulday345

He says he will and he's good on his word.

Yes, we'd get a dog walker days neither are home - it'd be rare though as I can WFH almost whenever I want.

OP posts:

LawnFever · 12/11/2021 18:45

Your dog might be like mine who completely kicks off every lunchtime until someone takes him for a walk, no matter that the door is open.

How would your DH react to that? If he’s working and not interested in taking the dog out on his lunch will you pay for a dog walker even though he’s home?

Our dog also ate the sofa, the carpets & the skirting boards when he was a puppy, how would your DH react to that if it’s a pet he doesn’t want to begin with?

Zarene · 12/11/2021 18:47

There will be many things that affect him too.

He will have to leave nights out early with you so that he dog isn't alone too long.

He will have to make sure holidays are dog friendly if you can't use kennels.

He will have to deal with his friends not wanting to visit a doggy house .

It might not be these things exactly, but there will be a big impact on his life even if you pick up the poo.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 12/11/2021 18:48

Of he won't pick up poo he can't walk it when you're away.
I'd say no, it's unfair to expect a person to share their home with an animal they don't want. What if you get a barker,

Original poster

BadwordMcGee · 12/11/2021 18:48

@LawnFever

Your dog might be like mine who completely kicks off every lunchtime until someone takes him for a walk, no matter that the door is open.

How would your DH react to that? If he’s working and not interested in taking the dog out on his lunch will you pay for a dog walker even though he’s home?

Our dog also ate the sofa, the carpets & the skirting boards when he was a puppy, how would your DH react to that if it’s a pet he doesn’t want to begin with?

Yes we'd get a dog walker if needs be, the money isn't an issue.

Yes, chewing would be an issue for him. My mum's dog ripped up her bathroom floor and has attacked most her shoes, he was horrified!

OP posts:

BiteyShark · 12/11/2021 18:48

WFH can be challenging with a dog. Mine after several years is used to it and generally lies on the sofa but does have a tendency to bark if I am on calls which is not a problem for me but will it be for your DH?

cashmerecardigans · 12/11/2021 18:48

I wanted the dog more and the agreement was I'd so the walking and I do that twice a day without fail. If I'm not here DH does it. He wasn't entirely sure, he's never had dogs but ironically the dog utterly adores him. I'm the dog slave and he is Disney dad. But OMG how much does he love that dog, they are soulmates.

Theyellowflamingo · 12/11/2021 18:50

Depends. If he likes dogs but just can’t be bothered with looking after one then maybe. In my case I fundamentally dislike them - the smell, noise, fur, mess, demands, walking, poo, even listening to them breathing annoys me. Even if DH did all the work I fundamentally wouldn’t want a dog in my living space.

Who is responsible for it if you are ill? Is he going to be ok with family days out, holidays, weekend activities etc all being planned to fit around a dog? Who’s doing the extra cleaning/decides to what extent extra cleaning is needed? Who’s paying for it and what impact does that have on the rest of your finances? Where are you taking dog walking time from and does it mean him doing extra childcare etc?

TeenMinusTests · 12/11/2021 18:50

Some friends of mine did 'pre-pup' covering similar to your OP.
So owner was not to arrange things and assume non-owner would just look after the dog. Owner responsible for all walks unless non-owner offered, etc etc. Seems to be working well on the whole.

Original poster

BadwordMcGee · 12/11/2021 19:16

@TeenMinusTests

Some friends of mine did 'pre-pup' covering similar to your OP. So owner was not to arrange things and assume non-owner would just look after the dog. Owner responsible for all walks unless non-owner offered, etc etc. Seems to be working well on the whole.

He he, Iike that idea.

He doesn't dislike dogs but doesn't want one. Knows how much I want one.

Finances not so much an issue, we have plenty to accommodate a dog.

We have 2 cats, which DH also didn't want but now absolutely adores. I also didn't really want them but was more keen than DH - they were sort of foisted on us. Our house is big enough that the carts can completely escape a dog.

Lots to think about and discuss with DH. Thanks all.

OP posts:

Twizbe · 12/11/2021 19:23

For me it would be a hard no sorry. A dog is a lot more work than a cat and only a bit less than a baby.

If one adult says no then it has to be a no.

bollocksthemess · 12/11/2021 19:35

My DH loves dogs, but the dogs in our house are my responsibility.
He will let them out if they ask when he’s working from home, but it won’t occur to him to let them out if they don’t ask. This was a problem when my now deceased terrier got dementia and forgot how to ask, she was continent but needed putting out every three hours. This led to accidents which he would cover with kitchen roll if he noticed them and leave them for me to clean up when I got home 🙄
I do all walking/feeding/vet visits/holiday arrangements/training/poo picking/getting up with them in the night/cleaning up after their muddy feet/accidents. It is a lot.

This is fine by me because I came into the relationship with dogs, and he didn’t have any, so they were already all my responsibility. We have since acquired more dogs, but again this has been my decision, he just goes along with it.
I think it might have bred resentment if we didn’t have any dogs in the relationship then we got one and it was ALL my job.

The dogs also love him a lot more than than they love me, which is sometimes irritating when he sweeps in Disney-dad style and shares his crisps with them on the sofa and let’s them jump up/do other things that I’ve been training them not to do.

If you go ahead be prepared for all of the above!

Moonface123 · 12/11/2021 19:36

Its a huge commitment, every single day of the year the dog will need exercising and looking after. Nice to get out in the summer months, not so much in the cold and wet.
When l had my dog she needed a good two to three walks aday, she got bored in the house, they need a routine which is hard when you have young kids and appointments etc.
Its almost like another fullntime job,.people dont relaise what they are getting into, thats whybsi many end up in rehoming centres.
If your husband isnt on board, l personally wouldnt, he will just ruin the experiance for you, and you will end up resenting him.

Wolfiefan · 12/11/2021 19:38

We have two dogs. They are MY dogs. I walk and poo pick the garden and feed etc etc.
But I don’t work and DH doesn’t.

peppersauce1984 · 12/11/2021 19:39

I was saying 'yes!' (as I'm a massive dog lover and my dog is another member of the family)........ until you said how young your dc were and that you both with FT. I don't think it's a good idea with a partner who is not on board. Ultimately you might try and do everything yourself but that will mean your dh doing other stuff to compensate- childcare , cleaning etc (I would expect him to do this anyway- but he might have to do more). In your position I'd wait until dc are older.

They also cost a fortune! We spend more on a normal month than we do on dc9. On an average month:
Doggy day care - £220-£260 ( £20 per day)
home boarding (averaged out) for when we go on holiday £60
Insurance-£60
Complete care plan -£15
Food-£40
Toys/balls- £5
Grooming £40 (probably could stretch this but we like to keep him clean and well kempt)
We also alternate and do scent training or agility once per week- £60

All adds up. Any money spent on dog will be coming out of family budget.

Prattypitel · 12/11/2021 19:46

Dont get a dog.the dog will soon pick up on your DH not really interested and this can cause behaviour problems(not just from your dog😂).i was once in a relationship where my DP was not interested in my dog.Huge problem,never again.

Winniemarysarah · 12/11/2021 19:52

I wanted a dog, my oh didn’t want a dog but agreed I could get one as long as I did literally everything for it. It’s worked out so well that 7 years later he’s let me take on a second dog (they’re both large breeds too). He’s never fed them, walked them or cleaned up after them. I arrange and pay for walkers and kennels when we go away. He’s completely indifferent to them, and they generally ignore him, it’s not caused them any issues or behavioural problems as pp suggested.

FOJN · 12/11/2021 19:52

Like a PP said if one adult says no then it has to be a no.

There are few dog breed who need less than an hour's exercise a day, despite what you may read on MN, and most need more. They need walking whether it's rain, shine, snow or ice. A puppy will chew everything in sight and you will be unlikely to get a rescue with a 3 and 6 year old in the house, given recent events I hope most people can see the sense on that even if it is frustrating. You are both working full, have two children and a household to run which sounds like more than enough to fill your time without adding a dog to the mix.

I wonder what you do together as a family at weekends and how you holiday, would a dog be welcome in all the places you might go? Do you have the time to attend training classes and put in the practice at home?

In truth I'm not sure you're current situation would give a dog the best life, no matter how committed you are. It might be best to revisit the idea when your children are older and bit more independent.

Sorry to sound so negative. I have a dog and love him to bits, I do not resent a single second of the time it takes to look after him properly but I live alone and work from home. Getting up at 6am to take home out for 60 - 90 minutes is one of the highlights of my day, not a chore but I imagine you are under more time pressure than me.

GettingItOutThere · 12/11/2021 19:55

i honestly would not. They are fab but so so tying. Working from home too with a puppy is not do-able.

If you did, i was going to suggest a greyhound but then you said cats? some are cat friendly.
An older one, not a puppy which would be happy to slob on the sofa all day, and just go for a 20 min saunter!

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