A dog when only 1 adult wants it?

[BadwordMcGee]

I really want a dog. DH does not. I had dogs growing up and have always wanted my own. I finally feel in a position to get one. I'm not fussy on breed from a looks perspective but want mild temperament and one that will enjoy an active family home. I had labradors and collies growing up as well as a handful of Heinz 57 mutts, all equally loved and cherished.

DH has said I can get a dog. But it will be my dog - I'll be responsible for it. DH has agreed that days he's WFH and I'm not he'll let it out for a wee bit won't pick up poo (I'd do that when I'm home). He's agreed he'd feed and walk it if I go away for the weekend (rare) but reluctantly so. I'd be responsible for finding a dog walker, sorting vets appointments, general fuss and organisation.

Can it work?

For reference, we have a secure garden and 2 kids (6&3). We both work full time, DH 3-5 days from home, me 2-3 days from home.

Dogs change the way you plan and live your life, rather like young children.
If you are lucky your DH will become attached to your dog.
If you are not he could become increasingly resentful about all the impositions it makes.

If my DH got a dog I would leave without question ... it would totally (& rightfully) impact your life & what if you drop dead, who would have the dog? We actually had the situation where a relative died and we were executors to the will, no provision had been made for the dog and it was a challenge to rehome it, fortunately a friend of the deceased offered to take the dog but a legal document to be drawn up to cover ownership, expenses etc ... do people even consider this when they become dog owners?

We got a dog in a pretty similar situation (though the cats are DH's and I didn't particularly want them so my dog is sort of reciprocation, and I did a lot of the early-days work to make sure the cats bonded with us, even though I don't like them). The idea was the I'd do all the work with the dog, except in rare circumstances. I'm at home all day with the children, and he (in The Before Times) worked out of the house.

DH loves the dog. Loves her. She loves him too. He now does most of the walks (this was somewhat unforeseen as I developed an injury and he had to pick up the slack for months). He'd never be without her now.

"There's no purer love than that between a grumpy father and the pet he said he didn't want."

However. My DH is a very easy-going type who isn't ruffled by much. If your DH isn't the same it mightn't work so well, and if he's adamant he doesn't want to be involved it might be better not to foist another pet onto him.

Reading other posts, it also helped that our girl was never a chewer. She was a total arsehole in other respects, as puppies often are, but at least we didn't have to add destruction to the list of difficulties. I imagine DH would have taken a lot longer to bond if we'd had to be shelling out money to replace things she'd ruined.

However. My DH is a very easy-going type who isn't ruffled by much.

Describes DH to a T!

@BadwordMcGee my dogs are my hobby. I show them and train them and and talk about my breed to other people like a crazy person. I also used to work with horses for a living, but that doesn’t fit in with everything else we’ve got going on now and I can’t justify the expense of a horse.
In some ways they’re a much easier ‘sell’ to DH than a horse, they cost a lot less, they love DH more than they love me so he gets much more back from them, and he likes the company if I’m out. They’re also not going to put me in hospital.

However when they’re annoying there’s no getting away from them. They’re always in your house. We had a very vocal, difficult puppy a few years ago and DH then DP found that very hard despite being so laid back and easygoing.
He did say one day that we had to get rid of her. I ignored that, she’s no trouble at all now and they love each other now, but when your horse is a dick you can shut the stable door and go home. They don’t inflict themselves on the rest of the family. If I hadn’t been very experienced and made sure to keep the above puppy out of the house with me for 10+ hours a day so DH could work in peace I honestly think the dog could have broken us up, because I wasn’t getting rid of her and she was really, really draining.
It’s possible to have a dog when your partner isn’t a fan, but do bear in mind all the above.

Hmm, personally I wouldn't do it in your situation as doing all the care for a dog on top of working full-time and looking after two small children is a lot of work.

You say your DH works from home but how will he do that when he's looking after a young puppy who needs the toilet every thirty minutes or it'll toilet on your carpet? How will he work when he's supervising the puppy and stopping it from chewing everything or getting into things it shouldn't? Or what if it decides it's going to howl and cry every time he leaves the room or has to go on a work call?

Puppies are hard work and everyone needs to be on board. Someone needs to get up in the night and take them out to the toilet. They need training, feeding 3-4
times a day, supervision, walks, socialising - how can you do all of that when you both have full-time jobs and your husband doesn't even want the dog?