A dog when only 1 adult wants it?

[BadwordMcGee]

I really want a dog. DH does not. I had dogs growing up and have always wanted my own. I finally feel in a position to get one. I'm not fussy on breed from a looks perspective but want mild temperament and one that will enjoy an active family home. I had labradors and collies growing up as well as a handful of Heinz 57 mutts, all equally loved and cherished.

DH has said I can get a dog. But it will be my dog - I'll be responsible for it. DH has agreed that days he's WFH and I'm not he'll let it out for a wee bit won't pick up poo (I'd do that when I'm home). He's agreed he'd feed and walk it if I go away for the weekend (rare) but reluctantly so. I'd be responsible for finding a dog walker, sorting vets appointments, general fuss and organisation.

Can it work?

For reference, we have a secure garden and 2 kids (6&3). We both work full time, DH 3-5 days from home, me 2-3 days from home.

Yes it will be fine. I said exactly the same as your DH. I wasn’t going to do anything. DH still does most of the work but he’s away for the next few weeks and I’m secretly excited by the thought of letting our puppy upstairs and snuggling with him on the sofa - both things he’s not normally allowed to do.

@peppersauce1984

I was saying 'yes!' (as I'm a massive dog lover and my dog is another member of the family)........ until you said how young your dc were and that you both with FT. I don't think it's a good idea with a partner who is not on board. Ultimately you might try and do everything yourself but that will mean your dh doing other stuff to compensate- childcare , cleaning etc (I would expect him to do this anyway- but he might have to do more). In your position I'd wait until dc are older.

They also cost a fortune! We spend more on a normal month than we do on dc9. On an average month:
Doggy day care - £220-£260 ( £20 per day)
home boarding (averaged out) for when we go on holiday £60
Insurance-£60
Complete care plan -£15
Food-£40
Toys/balls- £5
Grooming £40 (probably could stretch this but we like to keep him clean and well kempt)
We also alternate and do scent training or agility once per week- £60

All adds up. Any money spent on dog will be coming out of family budget.

Sorry, but that’s just ridiculous. I know some dogs can be expensive but I don’t get why so many people on here make out like it costs thousands a month to keep a dog, how on earth are you spending more on a dog than your child? I wouldn’t get a dog if I wasn’t around so much that it had to go to some sort of daycare, and I don’t personally know anyone that does, so that’s zero a month for me. I have short hair breeds so grooming is zero a month for me. I don’t pay for special agility classes so that’s also zero a month for me. I have a bully kutta and a ridgeback and they cost me under £100 a month for insurance, high quality food, toys etc.

You're foolish to even consider this. Both of you must be fully onboard. It's not fair to the dog, and it's not fair to your husband who has made it clear that he does not want the responsibility. Dogs are a massive amount of work, even the best dogs, but if you get a "problem" dog, it will negatively impact your marriage.

No. It'll change everything and not for the better. You all need to be on board.

I really love dogs, but I don't want one. We don't have much spare cash, I don't want to be tied down to having to go home early, be restricted from organising last minute days away. I won't pick up poo, despite (or rather inspite of) working as a kennel maid for a number of years.
DD is desperate for one, DH would probably go along with it but I've said I really don't want one, I would end up resenting the dog which wouldn't be fair. I don't really think you are being fair to your DH, you know he doesn't really want one, it will end up limiting your activities.

Dogs piddle in the house, eat your slippers, bin dive, fart, bark at inappropriate times, moult, bring dirt in etc etc.
Not fair on an unwilling partner.
Sorry.

@Winniemarysarah
I didn't say it was £1000's but around 400-500.
I work out of home 2 -3 days per week so day care is non negotiable. I wouldn't leave dog alone for 10 hours and a dog Walker is £14 so day care makes more sense. We also like to go away and have no family who could have dog, so have a wonderful boarder which costs. Some of those costs aren't necessary of course, like courses but I enjoy them as does ddog. I have a poodle so not a short breed and doesn't shed so needs regular hygiene cuts.

I'm spending more on dog than dc because we have no daycare/ nursery fees. Taking food, clothing and their clubs into account then yes on an average month we do spend less on dc than the dog.

Hmmm. Not looking good then.

I think DH is ok with me getting one as he knows I have no hobbies or interests. He has a few. I'm struggling to find one - I had a horse before we bought a house, but couldn't afford it when we bought it. I also rock climbed but can't do that any more due to injury. I'm really not crafty in the least, I don't enjoy running or exercise classes and I'm generally a bit bored. I think a dog would have been my hobby so to speak.

No. Out of five in our house I'm the only one who doesn't want a dog. We won't be getting one. I'm home all day so they can't just get a dog and expect that I'll look after it all day until they come home. It's a huge responsibility and unfair to put that on someone who is not 100% committed to it.

I definitely wouldn't. Sorry OP.

I have three dogs. DH was very indifferent to them but he is nice to them at least. I don’t think he would have them if it wasn’t for me though.

I do everything for them. He occasionally feeds them if I’m out but that’s it. I don’t expect or ask him to walk them as I’m well aware they are my choice and my hobby. I do show mine and he’s happy it’s giving me something to do outside of children and being bored at work.

If never causes arguments as he knows how happy they make me. I do clean a lot and tend to walk them mostly at times that don’t affect family life as a compromise.

Oh and I used to have horses so maybe this is why he’s happy for me to have dogs instead

How are you going to cope with the puppy stage ? Will your husband be ok with the chewing of shoes, cushions, skirting boards?

Will he actively participate in the training while you're not at home?

Will your children be on board with all of this too?

I think you all need to be on board with this.
If you're out all day , then I think the answer is 'no!'

We have a 5.5 month old puppy. DH was ambivalent towards him. I do all the grunt work, and he feeds and walks once a day. He walks anyway so it's not a huge change and he WFH.

It was hard when pup was tiny but I've started doing a walk at 7am in the dark before work. Add school run & he sleeps til lunchtime.

Pup has gradually wheedled his way into DHs affections. That said we are lucky to have neighbour friends and relatives who will have him if need be and all things considered he's actually a really easy going, sweet lad.

However, my kids are nearly 13 and 9. The eldest can do dog walks, look after him solo etc. It's not something I would have considered until the DC were older.

It works for us but my OH does nothing for the dog. If I'm working long days he doesn't get walked (but we have a lot of land that he potters about in). If I go away with work I have to find someone else to have him. He sleeps in a crate and isn't allowed on the furniture, but he has a wonderful life and he doesn't know that my OH hates him
It has caused resentment about the cost (although I pay for most of the expenses), and the restrictions it causes (no spontaneous days out without finding someone to have the dog). We do argue about it but for me it is absolutely worth it. I'm a huge dog lover and my DC are too. We wouldn't be without the dog. My OH goes away a lot with friends and I do more of the housework than I think I should have to, but I keep quiet about things like that as I'm so grateful that he gave in and said yes to the dog!

DH and the kids would just love a dog and I know they would take so much care if it and everything that goes with it.

I do not want a dog - I just don't like animals. However I WFH now and so who would be the only one around for the dog in the day? Nope, not going to happen.

What does everyone say when only one half of a couple want another baby? The one who doesn't always trumps the one who does. This is the only fair way as it just isn't fair on the dog/baby if it's in a home where there is someone who just doesn't want it there.

Mine said that too. He loves our dog and takes her out every day.

I think with the circumstances you describe it could work out ok , I’m the only one in our house that walks the dog and all the feeding , poo picking , vets appts , groomers etc is all done by me . If I’m away my husband will happily feed the dog , do his bedtime routine and pick up poo but he doesn’t walk him alone ever . My husband loves the dog but he wouldn’t have a dog if it wasn’t for me wanting one . If I’m away for more than 1 night he will play ball with the dog in the garden in lieu of a walk but I’m rarely away for more than 1/2 nights .

Rescues aren't usually keen to rehome with young children & a puppy will be far more work - toilet training & general mischief can be pretty draining even when you dearly want a dog.

I'd wait until the kids are a bit older and can get involved, rather than now when they'll mostly need to be kept separate from a puppy. Love our dog but he was a bitey shit as a pup, puppy blues were definitely real after waiting 30+ years for him! It would have been much harder with DH constantly grumbling rather than being supportive.

Could you get a partloan/share on a horse? It would rekindle an old hobby at a far lower cost than owning, give you the time outside similar to that of walking a dog (without the day in, day out commitment) & might be a good way to fill the time until the kids are a bit older.

I wasn’t overly keen on getting a dog and sort of got railroaded into in by DH & DS.

However, now we have her (lockdown dog) she’s my best friend and I adore her and don’t know what I was worried about!

@FOJN

Like a PP said if one adult says no then it has to be a no.

There are few dog breed who need less than an hour's exercise a day, despite what you may read on MN, and most need more. They need walking whether it's rain, shine, snow or ice. A puppy will chew everything in sight and you will be unlikely to get a rescue with a 3 and 6 year old in the house, given recent events I hope most people can see the sense on that even if it is frustrating. You are both working full, have two children and a household to run which sounds like more than enough to fill your time without adding a dog to the mix.

I wonder what you do together as a family at weekends and how you holiday, would a dog be welcome in all the places you might go? Do you have the time to attend training classes and put in the practice at home?

In truth I'm not sure you're current situation would give a dog the best life, no matter how committed you are. It might be best to revisit the idea when your children are older and bit more independent.

Sorry to sound so negative. I have a dog and love him to bits, I do not resent a single second of the time it takes to look after him properly but I live alone and work from home. Getting up at 6am to take home out for 60 - 90 minutes is one of the highlights of my day, not a chore but I imagine you are under more time pressure than me.

You are so very right.it is also good to read on MN how to properly care for and love a dog.my highlight of the day is to walk my 2 collies at 7am in every weather.

I think I you are with a decent guy it can work.

Dp would not choose to have nearly so many pets if I was here, but he is caring towards them all. He agreed to getting them because he loves me, but after close acquaintance he grew to love them (well, maybe not the ducks, but he still cares for them as needed).

I don't expect him to clean animals out, but he would if I was sick or something.

I was in this position, and I am still responsible for walking and taking to vet and poo pick up. However, after vowing to do none of that, my husband will do it if I’m not able to.
We got very lucky in the fact that our dog is absolutely lovely and sweet, and now is loved by everyone. But if she’d been a difficult dog, it would have caused a lot of tension and problems. Probably wouldn’t do it again to be honest.

@BadwordMcGee

Hmmm. Not looking good then.

I think DH is ok with me getting one as he knows I have no hobbies or interests. He has a few. I'm struggling to find one - I had a horse before we bought a house, but couldn't afford it when we bought it. I also rock climbed but can't do that any more due to injury. I'm really not crafty in the least, I don't enjoy running or exercise classes and I'm generally a bit bored. I think a dog would have been my hobby so to speak.

A dog as a hobby.there are charities where you can walk a dog for elderly people,who are unwell,in hospital(Cinnamon trust).

I'd say get the dog, it was the same here and we are now on dogs3 and 4. DH loves them dearly but will not do any of the day to day stuff, never walks them, no vet appointments etc. will feed them and let them out but that's it. If I'm not able to look after them they go to local kennels. Works for us, wouldn't be without them!

I definitely would not do this. It will impact both your lives. Don’t do it.