Living a double life

[CatonMat]

Have you ever met someone or heard of someone doing this?

I know a woman whose husband regularly travelled abroad, fetching back beautiful presents, but after he died, she found his passport with just a trip to france on it.

He drove for a living (but had never actually passed his test) until he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and went rapidly downhill.
(He was spotted in an out of the way place, sitting in a cafe, eating a huge fry up, (although he was barely eating at home, and had appointments with dieticians and was prescribed build up drinks)

In short, his whole life was a lie, but she never found out why.

F

How did he manage to fake MS. Isn't that usually diagnosed by looking for lesions on the brain and spine?

I did, in a way, for a very short time and when it hit me what I was actually doing, became completely overwhelming and I don't know how I did it. It was obviously very selfish but continued longer than I wanted to because I was worried about hurting anyone. Ironic I know. The guilt about it will never leave me.

He didnt want her to go with him to the hospital.
Begged and pleaded with her to let him deal with it, and she went along with it, as she thought it was his pride and that he was incredibly brave.

A friend of mine discovered her (now ex) husband had been living a double for life for 3 years. He worked away during the week and instead of living with his brother as she thought/he said, he was actually living with another woman and her 2 kids . She had no idea and only stumbled across it when he left an email open on his computer from her about wanting to spend Christmas together. The minute she confronted him he turned from my nice guy to a complete arse hole and over the weeks/months that followed she discovered a host host of other awful secrets such as he earned far far more than he said & had been siphoning off his wages partly to fund his other family and part into 'secret' bank accounts plus had taken finance on a car in her name. Thankfully she has moved on and found love again and last I heard he was on his own and miserable----

Some people are just compulsive liars. I guess that this man started telling her he was going away, just to have a little holiday, and then the lie got bigger and bigger. Same with the MS, perhaps he wanted some sympathy at one stage so he made up this story, and then had to continue with it.

My ex was a compulsive liar - he could tell a story with all the details , and had a good memory so he could keep up the lie, sometimes for years. In his case it was to make himself seem more successful / interesting than he really was.

This guy had told his wife that he was unable to have children, but that he paid maintenance for two children that his ex wife had when he met her, as he had been their father figure.
Of course, they were actually his own children, as she found out when she met his sister. (Who she hadn't met before because the sister had 19 cats, was a hoarder, and lived in squalor)
She was actually a clean, tidy woman with no pets!

@lechatnoir

A friend of mine discovered her (now ex) husband had been living a double for life for 3 years. He worked away during the week and instead of living with his brother as she thought/he said, he was actually living with another woman and her 2 kids . She had no idea and only stumbled across it when he left an email open on his computer from her about wanting to spend Christmas together. The minute she confronted him he turned from my nice guy to a complete arse hole and over the weeks/months that followed she discovered a host host of other awful secrets such as he earned far far more than he said & had been siphoning off his wages partly to fund his other family and part into 'secret' bank accounts plus had taken finance on a car in her name. Thankfully she has moved on and found love again and last I heard he was on his own and miserable----

Did she write a book?

When he died (heart attack, not MS) her next door neighbour asked if their 3 grown up daughters would be coming to stay.
They had only been married about 4 years and were in their 50s!
He had told the neighbour they'd been together 30 odd years.

I find it intriguing and wonder at the stress of keeping all those plates spinning.

My dad did this to us. He started an affair with a much younger woman at work. Not sure when exactly but by the time I was 11 he was “working away” Mon-Fri although he didn’t usually come back until Sat PM. His lie was that his office had moved and it was easier and cheaper for him to stay at a friends place. My mum must have known something was going on, but she had her hands full with three kids, and trying to manage with very little money. Finally when I was 21 my dad left my mum and this women appeared on the scene as they bought a house together. He’d spent more than a decade lying to us all. I’m sure he lied to the OW too, so that she somehow though the situation was acceptable. I think even now (another 20 years on) my dad struggles with the truth. I think he feels a sense of guilt but wouldn’t ever acknowledge the lies he told.

@Igotnewbarstools no why?

[quote lechatnoir]@Igotnewbarstools no why? [/quote]
Just from what you said.

A lady from Edinburgh. Definitely worth a read!

www.scotsman.com/arts-and-culture/scottish-woman-discovers-cia-agent-husband-has-secret-life-and-13-other-children-1424911

My friend found out that her partner of six years was living a double life the first night that the country went into lockdown, as he was forced to choose.

Oh wow!
What happened?
Who "won"?

I’d like to hear about people with double lives where one life involves husband and kids and the other involves being single and child-free.

A friend of my mother's found out her son was living a double life when two women turned up at his funeral. He was in his 20s.

I'm sure I watched a youtube video about a woman who was a successful athlete during the day, but an escort at night.

A whole second family turned up at dh’s grandfather’s funeral. They ended up splitting the will.

A friend once worked with a man who had invented an entire persona. Public school background, rich family connections, country estate, cut glass accent, the lot. In reality he was from a council estate with no money but he thought he could "get on" by appearing to be upper class. This was way before social media, etc.

I can't remember how, but it did all come crashing down. I met him once and he laughed about how stupid it all was, I was fascinated and wanted to ask more.

Someone I know was with a man for a year or so and he was then going on holiday with his friends....turned out he was going abroad to get married. She found out on social media as he was tagged in the wedding photos.

Not another woman/family, but my friend’s (now ex-) husband was a drug addict and dealer kept it hidden for a very long time while maintaining a very “middle class working family man” profile.

He had lost his job (due to gross misconduct linked to his drug use) and didn’t tell her.

He would leave in the morning dressed for the office, wave her and the kids goodbye, then spend the day taking and dealing drugs.

He told her he was doing a part-time Masters so would pretend he was spending his evenings either in classes, studying, or working late to catch-up.

It all came tumbling down spectacularly when the police raided the house.

I'm guessing it would be harder to get away with it for as long now that we have social media and greater technology.

My dad did this to us. He started an affair with a much younger woman at work.

A friend of mine, when we were teenagers, had a similar situation.

Her father was always "Called away" at work as only he could solve the current problem. In fact, he was having an affair with a colleague who was single and lived near the pharmaceutical plant where they worked so he would be at hers instead of "Pulling yet another all-nighter." That and he used to go hunting and fishing so had good reason to be coming and going at all hours.

All his colleagues knew but never let on. I can't recall how it all came out as we were not really hanging out together by then but I know that he and the OW had a child and he decided to stay with them as he considered them his "Real family."

So much so that, when my friend's sister was killed in a car crash, their father never turned up to the funeral as "it was nothing to do with him."

We were all slightly scared by him as he was very cold and dismissive with a "Cross me and see what you get" attitude.

I also used to know someone who completely fucked up their university application which they should have breezed through and was rejected.

Instead of coming clean to his parents, he created a completely fake university course that he had made up and told his parents that he had switched to that. He also made up some fantasy that the university had dropped sending out any official letters etc and that he was told all he needed to know in the college faculty itself so that is why nothing ever came to the house.

In reality, he was signing on the dole, using a mutual friend's student digs as his official address and spending his days in their common room smoking dope and drinking cheap lager. He kept this up for the three years a degree course would take - leaving home for his 'lectures' and coming home for dinner once more.

I haven't seen him in years but I have heard that he hasn't changed much in all this time.

About 35 years ago now, a friend had the news broken to him that his Dad had another "wife" and complete family. This lad was about 21 and had 4 siblings (I think 3 were teens). The other dc were also teens. It must have been going on for the best part of 20 years, and came as a complete shock to said friend's Mum and siblings. I didn't know him that well so don't know the ins and outs, but that is some weird life to be living for such a long time.

Yes me