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Original poster

Child-free v. "Breeders"

75 replies

LaMadrilena · 04/11/2021 09:40

I came across a tweet by a child-free friend yesterday in which she referred to people who have children as "breeders," and to be honest it's left a nasty taste in my mouth. I didn't reply as I didn't fancy a spat on SM, so I've just come on here to muse/rant.

I have one child, and I wasn't sure I wanted any (some days I'm still not sure...). I can absolutely see the advantages of being child-free: more free time, more disposable income, one less thing to stress about. I would never judge anyone for the decision not to have children. I understand that some people feel that that world is overpopulated and that having children is selfish, bringing them into a world on the edge of environmental collapse, but I don't think there's any need to use a pejorative term for parents. Presumably this friend will be relying on others having children in order to still have doctors/street sweepers/shopkeepers/postmen to serve her in her old age.

I was surprised by how strongly I felt about her using the term "breeders." Maybe I'm overreacting and I'm a bit jealous of her?

OP posts:
Calicoqueen · 04/11/2021 09:42

Dear lord. I've had a grand total of 5 births and I definitely do not like being called a breeder Hmm

LakeShoreD · 04/11/2021 09:45

Ranting about Breeders on Twitter… Confused she clearly has some serious issues and if she was a good friend I’d be asking her if everything was ok.

RestingPandaFace · 04/11/2021 09:48

How can it be selfish to have children when without them the human race would come to an end. If someone objects so strongly to the presence of humans on the planet I’d suggest that they have issues.

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Firesidefox · 04/11/2021 09:50

I don't really care. It's rude but it is water off a duck's back to me.

Mybalconyiscracking · 04/11/2021 09:50

Well, she presumably comes from a long line of “breeders” herself.. silly cow!

Fireatseaparks · 04/11/2021 09:51

I don't have children, but would never dream of using the term 'breeder', it's incredibly derogatory and likens women to animals.

Comedycook · 04/11/2021 09:52

It's a horrible term and I'd assume anyone who uses it is secretly bitter and wishes they had children.

minipie · 04/11/2021 09:53

It’s a deliberately horrible term.

However, she didn’t say it to you, you chose to look at her tweets.

In your shoes I think it would affect how I saw her but I would keep it to myself.

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 04/11/2021 09:54

I don't have children, and people who have lots of children boggles my brain (hats off to you though!) but the term breeder is very derogatory. However it is in a way 'selfish'. No one has children because they are concerned about the human race coming to an end. Other than accidental pregnancies most have them to fulfil a 'need'.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 04/11/2021 09:57

She sounds pretty unhappy.

I don't really care what people might call me; don't let it worry you. "Crotch fruit" is one of the ways these types describe children. It's gratuitously unpleasant and attention-seeking tbh. Rather... childish.

LadyCleathStuart · 04/11/2021 10:02

I totally, totally get the not wanting to have children thing. Really I do.

I cannot fathom the hatred for people who have chosen to have children though. I mean their parents had them, they were children once. It just boggles the mind.

Sparklfairy · 04/11/2021 10:05

I don't have want children but calling people who do "breeders" is nasty.

Maybe she could put all the extra time she has on her hands by not being a parent to good use by getting a hobby, or possibly volunteering with children

SamuelWhiskey · 04/11/2021 10:06

It all sounds very silly. Can't get my head round why some women are so obsessed by the number of children others have/don't have

choli · 04/11/2021 10:06

Other than accidental pregnancies most have them to fulfil a 'need'.
A need of the parents though, not of the earth.*

Worldwide2 · 04/11/2021 10:10

Using a term like that does sound deliberately nasty. It does somewhat liken women to animals.
I completely understand why some people don't want children what I don't understand is some and only some people who don't have children have a almost hatred for people who do have children. Very strange.

RacketeerRalph · 04/11/2021 10:11

I am a breeder! I don't see the issue with the term to be honest. And I think having kids is quite selfish, but so is not having them- the decision to do something which overwhelmingly benefits you is what is selfish.

LoislovesStewie · 04/11/2021 10:11

Individuals are entitled to make the best decision for them; there is no need for abuse no matter what view we each hold. And no need to comment on another's choice either.

ChequerBoard · 04/11/2021 10:11

It's rude and not a nice but it is quite a common used derogatory term.

There is even a comedy series on Sky called 'Breeders' starting Daisy Haggard and Martin Freeman. It's quite a negative take on the trials and tribulations of modern parenthood, I really didn't like it. Maybe that where the 'friend' is getting her ideas?

Sparklfairy · 04/11/2021 10:13

what I don't understand is some and only some people who don't have children have a almost hatred for people who do have children. Very strange.

You see it everywhere though. Pro/anti vax, election and brexit voting, vegans vs meat eaters. Two polar opposite opinions attack each other with equal vitriol.

Imo make your choices and own them, but don't berate and belittle others for making different choices.

WeAreTheHeroes · 04/11/2021 10:14

Sounds to me as though the comment comes from a place of hurt, unless she's someone who believes we should have a one child policy. Doesn't make the comment right or any less unpleasant.

KrispyKale · 04/11/2021 10:16

Social media quick slogans feed into this style of confrontation/ competition.
I strive to avoid getting sucked in.

girlmom21 · 04/11/2021 10:17

I don't ever understand why there are battles between parents/people who choose not to be parents/people who don't have the opportunity to become parents.

It's all so unnecessary.

She's clearly a nasty person. If you don't know her personally I'd put it out of your mind.

KrispyKale · 04/11/2021 10:18

Sheay not be a nasty person, she may just be getting sucked into the whole online war of words that has been normslised.🤷

If you try to be even handed you are a bore without an opinion these days.

SolasAnla · 04/11/2021 10:18

Context is key.

US women pointing out "black birthing bodies" sounds like "breeder slave" is very different from using it as a slur to offend or win twitter likes

Using breeder as an insult would demonstrate the friend has massive anger issues.

SamuelWhiskey · 04/11/2021 10:20

"You see it everywhere though. Pro/anti vax, election and brexit voting, vegans vs meat eaters. Two polar opposite opinions attack each other with equal vitriol"

@Sparklfairy yes fair point. It is a shame. And I guess describes a lot of the AIBU board pretty accurately...

OP what was the context of your friend's tweet? Was she suggesting no one should have children at all? That would be quite an extreme view!