Off-putting lines in job ads?

[Atmywitsend29]

Scrolling the job ads on my night shift, came across a fairly simple job with the line "must have... With infinite levels of patience and understanding"

Backed out of that without applying, now I'm wondering what's the most off-putting line you've read in a job ad before?

dubyalass yep. As soon as you said niche seasonal and very long hours plus the crap pay.

Self starter
Resilient
Fast paced

All speak to ‘badly managed and no training’ and/or high staff turnover in my experience!

Also HATE no salary information. At least post a range….

“Will need to hit the ground running” - fuck-all training & supervision.

“Competitive salary” = the salary is wank & we both know it.

“Generous benefits” = bare legal minimum (meagre annual leave, rubbish pension, maternity pay).

“Willing to work flexibly including some evening and weekend work where necessary” = we’re going to to put in your contract that you can be called on randomly to work different hours to your contracted ones, despite your kids/plans/life.

“You’ll need to be energetic” = we’ll work you into the ground.

“Will need to share our vision for restructuring” = the vision is awful & has affected morale so much that staff are leaving in droves, hence the recruitment.

Work hard and play hard always gets me. I'm married with two children. I don't want to play hard! I want to finish work, take my bra off and have a bubble bath with a good book and a glass of wine.

See also "we don't believe in the usual 9-5" this almost always means "we expect you to be still answering emails at 11pm"

On a local Facebook group:

"I am looking for someone who is comfortable being uncomfortable".

No thanks.

I have seen 'must be able to sell ice to eskimos and then sell some more!' All for a
commission based job.
To me that simply translated as we want to best skilled and experienced sales people but dont want to pay them for it.

@SkepticalCat

On a local Facebook group:

"I am looking for someone who is comfortable being uncomfortable".

No thanks.

Yikes!

@Beefcurtains79

‘Hit the ground running’ = We will give you fuck all training and a massive backlog of work.

See, these are the ones I like. No training, but it usually means they'll leave you alone to get the job done.

I hate seeing, “must be able to work under pressure”. I don’t want that and certainly not for the minimum wage.

I once phoned up about a PA vacancy, and the boss told me “people only leave me if they’re rubbish”. Biggest red flag ever. It turned out she’d gone through about 50 PAs.

When they stipulate that you must be a 'rockstar'.

To photocopy and answer the phone? Nope.

@Hodgehog

dubyalass yep. As soon as you said niche seasonal and very long hours plus the crap pay.

Weary high five. I'm desk based now, too old for back to back surveys several nights in a row.

These were shared by a colleague in my team who was researching job adverts.... absolutely appalling!

My previous employer was new to the sector and thought "free parking" would be a major draw. She wanted employees with degrees to work full time (and then some) on minimum wage, use their cars for work, pay for their own business insurance, and then to be grateful for not having to pay to come back to the office for paperwork.

@parrotonmyshoulder

Beef, yes! ‘Hit the ground running’ = We will give you fuck all training and a massive backlog of work.

Yes!

And also = The only person who knew what was going on is the person who's left and it's taken three months for us to realise that they have left us completely in the shit.

@cuttlefishgame wow you have literally just described my new(ish) job 😂

"You will be reporting to the Chief Sunshine Officer". Bleurgh.....

Not an advert but I went for an interview once when the guy was banging on about the great team atmosphere and how they all go to the pub together after work - he actually said “tell your husband you’ve got a new family now!”

Wouldn’t mind but I didn’t even get the job so I would have dumped my husband for no reason

Must be excellent at "multitasking."

I did some research on so called multitasking. Our brains are not capable of doing more than one thing at a time with any degree of competence.

So no thank you, multitasking is not for me.

@Atmywitsend29

These are brilliant and making me feel alot better!

Agreed re competitive salary, that's always mim wage.

Saw a call centre job where "overtime is always available" but also that same overtime "is considered voluntary and is only paid at the written agreement of the line manager" can't imagine they had too many takers!

I hate when they advertise the FT salary, and then add pro-rata, and BTW its a 20 hour week job.

The overtime being pre-approved is how a hospital where my sister works gets away with not paying her for the many hours of overtime she works.

A social worker can not just walk away when helping a family who have a traffic accident far from home find a place to stay, or worse, make arrangements after a sudden death.

It is a complete travesty. The managers have already gone home. They will say you are not managing your workload so you need overtime.

@Newbabynewhouse not the office that sounds like a james bond character by any chance?

@biscuitsforcheese

exactly that one!!! ... what a small world!!! 😅 x

@Newbabynewhouse

I haven't worked there although I nearly did and I'm familiar with their adverts, they have a bit of a reputation!

@biscuitsforcheese

You either love it or hate it... i was the latter unfortunately but stuck it for 7 years somehow..

[quote SpookyScarySkeletons]@cuttlefishgame wow you have literally just described my new(ish) job 😂[/quote]
Ha! Been there myself a few times and got several t-shirts. For a number of years I was a freelance book-keeper and have walked into a new client's place knowing what a state their finances would be in. Talk about having to start from scratch.

@LoveFall

Must be excellent at "multitasking."

I did some research on so called multitasking. Our brains are not capable of doing more than one thing at a time with any degree of competence.

So no thank you, multitasking is not for me.

That's code for "Five different people will give you something urgent to do all at once, and all of those people will expect you to do theirs first".