Off-putting lines in job ads?

[Atmywitsend29]

Scrolling the job ads on my night shift, came across a fairly simple job with the line "must have... With infinite levels of patience and understanding"

Backed out of that without applying, now I'm wondering what's the most off-putting line you've read in a job ad before?

When it's a part time job, something like 16 hours per week (I've seen some that are 8 hours pw too) and the ad says something like "must be flexible and available to work Monday to Sunday doing shifts on a rota which includes earlies, nights, days, evenings and weekends

Urghhh yes, this one. Also -

Must be fully flexible
Must be happy to work unsociable hours
Must be able to come in at short notice
Must be able to work additional hours to cover absences

The competitive salary is usually £8.91 p/h and the benefits are 2% staff discount on damaged stock.

Must be resilient = I treat you like crap and you put up with it

A while ago when I was job hunting I saw an ad that included something along the lines of 'must be able to lead the office in daily worship' and a knowledge of scripture. This was a professional, senior finance role. The rest of the job sounded okay but I didn't apply, I wasn't sure I could blag my way through the scripture stuff.......

@Limpshade

I work in a creative industry where offers to join a company's "tribe" and enjoy their "free fruit" are sadly commonplace - this to attract people of 10-15 years' experience

Worst one I saw had gone hard for a military theme in which the CEO was referred to as the Commander-in-Chief, and the role as "a declaration of war against [industry problem]". The job paid around £20k less than the industry average for the level of experience required. Sometimes I find myself wondering who they found for that

Oh yes I recognise this (used to work in creative industries myself).

Beer fridges and beanbags bollocks.

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks Yes, you worded it much better than I did. It's always for minimum wage or very close to it.

Part of my working life has entailed helping people identify suitable employment and apply for jobs and I find the wording of job adverts generally dispiriting and seeing ‘passionate’ in the wording always makes me wince.

I saw an advert recently that required candidates to be "able to cheer up colleagues on a rainy Monday morning" among other qualities. That must be a fun workplace.

These are brilliant and making me feel alot better!

Agreed re competitive salary, that's always mim wage.

Saw a call centre job where "overtime is always available" but also that same overtime "is considered voluntary and is only paid at the written agreement of the line manager" can't imagine they had too many takers!

I hate when they advertise the FT salary, and then add pro-rata, and BTW its a 20 hour week job.

@Glenthebattleostrich

must have a good sense of humour usually means we are a bunch of bullying arses.

There was a recent thread (can't find it now) when poster was asking if they should quit a job where it was acceptable to run around topless, have food fights..... (more horrendous things I can't remember!) - this sounds like something they would include, and if you complain or don't join in you're not a team player

At least you no longer see ‘bubbly under 25 with long legs’ - at least I hope not- which a dd saw while temping at an employment agency 20 odd years ago.
She said, ‘They can’t say that!’ but her (female) boss just shrugged, ‘It won’t be any use sending them a competent 45 year old when they’re only going to turn her down.’
So nothing was said.

@happystory

Must be flexible = we'll haul you in at all sorts of hours when you weren't scheduled to work..

Oh yes, this! Job adverts that say 'fully flexible' or 'flexible shifts'. Flexible for me or you? spoiler alert, it's probably not the employer who will be flexible

Fresh pair of eyes....

You will be the 32nd person we've had in this role in the past 2 years. Everyone tells us we are doing it wrong but we just don't believe them so will keep recruiting until we find someone who just wants to blow smoke up our arse.

Although to be fair that's from the interview rather than the job spec, and they were still using it after I left.

I would definitely read the one in the op as you'll be working with a very difficult team

@happystory

Must be flexible = we'll haul you in at all sorts of hours when you weren't scheduled to work..

Yes.

I always fairly assume that perhaps a job might occasionally want me at a weekend, and if I can do it, I'll happily oblige for lieu hours. But that statement is a red flag.

Ditto "able to cope with a fast paced environment", which is a code for "we are chronically understaffed".

I like plain speak.

I don't like people being described as 'artists' or 'ninjas' both of which I've seen lately to describe sandwich making and fast working.

I had to write a job description recently and researched current job ads. So many had a load of pretentious nonsense/buzz words, and all seemed to want the poor candidate to be able to take on a million different roles.

Every job says no previous experience required. Spoiler alert: the job will always go to someone with the most previous experience.

Agree about the flexible thing. I’m looking for part time work at the moment. Nowhere is willing to give set days or hours. They want you to work overtime when they need you to then drop you to minimum contract hours whenever they can.

@parrotonmyshoulder

Beef, yes! ‘Hit the ground running’ = We will give you fuck all training and a massive backlog of work.

This has completely validated what happened to me at my last job and was one of the many reasons I left! I practically begged for training on some quite important things but they just expected me to magically know them and in the end I just gave up!

I'd also like to add "can do attitude" into the mix please.
As opposed to what? 'can't do'?

"The successful candidate will blah blah... He will x, y, a and his responsibilities will include... etc
I have seen the above far too frequently in job adverts
I work in a male dominated industry, but women in my role do exist! It just comes across as a very lazy, inaccurate assumption and makes me suspect they will be biased during the recruitment process. The message is clear: "this job is not for you"

I actually read a post a few years ago that said, preferably looking for african Caribbean women....

@middleager

Sandwich artist.. so making sandwiches in subway then...

Don't see it so much now (fortunately) but things like 'You will be going places in an agile workplace that's best-of-breed.'

@Limpshade

The free fruit hob sounds like the okace i have just handed ny notice in doesnt happen to be a large office in north wales?

"We strongly encourage applicants from men"

We would like to talk to learning based, entrepreneurial individuals who are hungry for an exciting and dynamic career.

Seen recently.

I'm not 100% what 'learning based' means, but the rest of it is code for 'working with pricks who are all fighting over the same meagre commission'.