Is it normal for all the nice things you plan with kids to end up a fiasco??

[SiobhanRoy]

Example: Halloween. They love Halloween so this year I’ve gone to lengths to make it fun and exciting for them.

Tonight’s activity - pumpkin carving with Dad. Started so well. Everybody happy.

Ended up with dad carving the damn thing himself while the 7 year old had a screaming tantrum because he wouldn’t let her use the sharp knife herself. Meanwhile the four year old flushed a whole toilet roll 🤦🏻‍♀️

Or a trip pumpkin pumpkin picking last weekend. Mud. Tears. Exhaustion. I want to go hoooooome mummy.

Play date for four year old today with her bestie. They barely played because 4 decided (after being excited all day) to sit and draw and completely refuse to engage with her pal. She’s an awkward wee sod sometimes.

So yeah. I mean why bother.

A large cardboard box and crayons is all they need. Or a trip to the park for an hour - preferably with muddy puddles.

How could anyone think a making memories day out with a child could be enjoyable?! Have you never been within 5 metres of a kid? 😂

@CookPassBabtridge

Yes! I've just lowered my expectations and stopped buying into the "making memories" fad. I get on with all the fun stuff and if the kids was to join in at certain points they can.. no pressure.

I did it like this too. I'm quite relieved to read this thread because I sometimes worry that our family didn't do enough 'memory making' but now I remember why.

A friend of mine would wind her kids up for days over Christmas etc, and then be furious with them for being over excited and badly behaved.

My main aim was always for calm and happy, and I learnt early that they'd be more interested in having an ice cream and finding the play area than any of the actual (expensive) attractions.

Mine have only just hit the stages of where we can all enjoy a day out.

The last awful one was when ds2 was 11. He complained the whole time we were out that we never went out anywhere or done anything.
Arguments between all 3 boys because they were enjoying things and reminding him that we were currently out.

I hit the fuck my life point after about 30 minutes, but carried on so to not ruin it by cutting the day short just because one was moaning.

To be fair to him, we don't go out that often because I suffer with agoraphobia. So going further than local is rare. But then you'd think he would like the days we do even more, but nope. Still complained about not going out while we were out 😂

A friend of mine would wind her kids up for days over Christmas etc, and then be furious with them for being over excited and badly behaved.

I'm terrible for winding my kids up at Christmas. I think that it's secretly because I'm even more excited than they are lol. But in fairness I don't then get annoyed at them for being over excited. I just let it flow

I think ice skating has to be one of the biggest gaps between expectation and reality with kids, never again! (Tbh the same is true for romantic date purposes). I ripped a giant hole in the armpit of DDs nice coat hauling her up from the ice, and she somehow blamed her inability to stay upright on me.

Recently did a London trip, and what worked for us was only doing free museums, and doing less than an hour in each, not including cake in the cafe, and then finding a local park. It's taken nearly ten years and a lot of disappointing expensive days out to get here though!

I look back at my own childhood and there wasn’t all this whinging and acting up. Our parents would have ignored us. Kids are really over indulged nowadays. I often see parents out and about helicoptering and stressed and think if they ignored the behaviour it would stop. SN excepted.

@Firstaidnovice

I think ice skating has to be one of the biggest gaps between expectation and reality with kids, never again! (Tbh the same is true for romantic date purposes). I ripped a giant hole in the armpit of DDs nice coat hauling her up from the ice, and she somehow blamed her inability to stay upright on me.

Recently did a London trip, and what worked for us was only doing free museums, and doing less than an hour in each, not including cake in the cafe, and then finding a local park. It's taken nearly ten years and a lot of disappointing expensive days out to get here though!

Ice skating on one of those xmas rinks a couple.of years ago with dd1 was actually one of our biggest successes. For dd1 and me. Unfortunately dh was watching with ds who was about 2 and was sick all over him. When we finished skating we couldn't fine them anywhere. He was in the gents trying to clean vomit off his trousers whilst wrangling a toddler. We made memories that day, it's just that some of our memories are better than others

Yup, holidays and birthdays being especially anticlimactic at best, horrendous tear filled frustration at worst.

We stopped expecting what would now be Insta worthy experiences, and lowered all expectations.

Even taking them to EuroDisney (as it was then called) was a bloody disappointment, with the kids not appreciating it, moaning and whining their way around.

I think that there is a palpable pressure on kids to provide us with positive feedback on the activities we provide, and they kick back against that feeling.

Now both of mine are KS2 age, this has got a lot better. Or maybe I've learnt to lower my expectations. An ASD diagnosis along the way also helped explain things!!

15 and a half years into parenting I can count the amount of recent outings that have gone well- by this I mean no one crying and me not being tense wishing they'd behave differently- on one hand 😬 one was yesterday just bumping into friends in the local park. it wasn't perfect tho coz I needed the loo and there wasn't one 🤣 I find it easier now solo parenting but that's not OP's question. SOLIDARITY OP

How could anyone think a making memories day out with a child could be enjoyable?! Have you never been within 5 metres of a kid?

😆 I think the disaster bits are the memories. My siblings & I remember the camping trip that was a weekend of torrential rain, or missing a ferry & having to sleep in the car etc

Many of these things can be addressed.

1)You talk to Dh about allowing her and helping her to be able to use the sharp knife, so She can carve what she wants. DH is being too controlling here.

Pumpkin picking obviously went on for too long and they were overwhelmed, shorten the trips and try to notice the signs earlier when they're becoming slightly overwhelmed and then take them home then.

Saying she can be difficult it's not ok. Sit her down and explain to her very very politely and very very gently that is simply not okay to behave that way when she has a friend round for tea. Does she want the friend round? If she does she must engage. (If she can't behave properly, tell her it's probably best if you hold off playdates for a bit - she is only 4, so this is a subtle threat? But she does need to learn how to treat people because friend won't have liked how she was treated). Then next play date will be better.

This is my everyday with my 14 and10 yo

Nothing can be nice. There's a tantrum or similar about everything. Makes me want to never do anything and tbh now we don't.

Oh yes. Braved myself for a day out in town and take them to the cinema for a kids film (I loathe kids films).

At the bus stop so I could have a g&t (or three) and one kicked the other in the face splitting his eyebrow… so instead we went home for first aid and seething.

As the owner of teenagers I would say take a load of photos and when you look back they somehow have transformed into happy memories and you forget all the stresses at the time.
We did pumpkin carving yesterday and I have to say it was the first time it was fun, my dd are 18 and 15. But I love looking at the pictures and kids don't remember the stress bits they just remember fun.

Know your kids and be realistic about what they will manage / how they will behave rather than having your own fantasy and trying to plonk your kids into it and make them live up to your fantasy.

They won't.

Real life is not a John Lewis advert. (well the banned one may actually have something in the context of this thread!)

All totally normal.

I have a memory of when I was about 6, having a right tantrum that my mum wouldn't let me do the carving. Given the fact that I'm from Scotland and back then we carved a fucking turnip with my mum's potato knife, I think it's safe to say that she saved me, and probably her, from losing all our fingers and God knows what else.

I took my two boys 12 and 14 to Southend beach at the end of the summer, they were very excited. We are in North London so took about two hours, it was hot. Had I thought of swim shoes? No, so the first thing they do is run out in the low tide and both of them cut the underside of their feet on shells, quite badly, blood and very sore with the salt water. Then had I realised I needed to book for the amusement park? No, so more disappointment all around. Arguably my fault for being slightly disorganised and we did end up having fish and chips and they got to do the train ride on the pier, so all in all not a total disaster, but wow I was exhausted

My husband and I know our daughter. We know her capabilities and we know her strengths and weaknesses.

Without saying much more, handing her a carving knife was simply not going to happen. I will however look into getting one of those pumpkin carving kits.

Stacey Solomon makes it look sooo easy..

@MrsLeclerc

I’m laughing remembering our first family trip to the zoo with DS when he was 1. I had this idea that it would be relaxing, we’d stroll around and he’d love the animals…

He had a meltdown in the car on the 45 min drive there rather than napping like we’d thought he would. He did a wee through his nappy and onto his smart shorts as soon as we got out of the car. He was miserable and refused to look at any of the animals. He cried unless he was being carried. We sat in the shade on the grass to try for a nap but he wasn’t having it. Then he slept all the way home.

I’m glad that was the first trip as I learned quickly to keep my expectations low and not to mess with nap time!

This brings back memories! We took our DC to the local nature centre when DS was about 1. DD (5 at the time) had been loads of times but it was all a bit new for DS (he'd been as a newborn), and we were quietly excited. It's not that expensive to get in but it still cost money!

He cried the whole time, wouldn't go in the buggy and had to be carried, didn't want to nap, didn't want a snack or a bottle, refused to look at the animals...

The only time he was happy was on the way out through the park when he saw a squirrel on the grass. A squirrel. For free.

Why didn’t you let your 7 yr old carve if dad was supervising? It’s pretty obvious a 7 yr old isn’t going to think it’s a fun activity watching someone else carve the pumpkin. I think you walked into that melt down.

Yes to the constant bickering. My daughters are 6 and 9 and everything has to be a competition over who gets their own way. Often resulting in me getting so angry no one gets to do what they want!

Just this morning I’ve said to them that we can do some baking today. Cue an hour of bickering as one wants to make brownies and the other one wants to make shortbread biscuits. And neither will back down because that would be letting the other one win.

Doodleygirl, she said a few posts ago she wasn’t going into reasons why. Could be she doesn’t trust her dd with a knife / impulse control, additional needs etc.

I couldn’t let my ds of the same age use knife I only just about trust him with a kids butter knife