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Original poster

Is it normal for all the nice things you plan with kids to end up a fiasco??

103 replies

SiobhanRoy · 27/10/2021 23:51

Example: Halloween. They love Halloween so this year I’ve gone to lengths to make it fun and exciting for them.

Tonight’s activity - pumpkin carving with Dad. Started so well. Everybody happy.

Ended up with dad carving the damn thing himself while the 7 year old had a screaming tantrum because he wouldn’t let her use the sharp knife herself. Meanwhile the four year old flushed a whole toilet roll 🤦🏻‍♀️

Or a trip pumpkin pumpkin picking last weekend. Mud. Tears. Exhaustion. I want to go hoooooome mummy.

Play date for four year old today with her bestie. They barely played because 4 decided (after being excited all day) to sit and draw and completely refuse to engage with her pal. She’s an awkward wee sod sometimes.

So yeah. I mean why bother.

OP posts:
ParmigianoReggiano · 28/10/2021 15:28

Never, ever try to paint your own ceramics. Holy crap that was an expensive and hideous hour

Grin Grin Grin

Knittingnanny · 28/10/2021 15:33

This thread has reminded me of a holiday to Disney in Florida in the early 1990’s with 3 boys. It was a ridiculously expensive holiday which we couldn’t really afford and looking back we shouldn’t have gone until we had enough money to do it properly.
Sons 1 and 2 ( 10 and 12) bickered the whole time and didn’t cope with the heat at all. This was in the days before you could book timed rides etc so hours spent queuing
They spent all day wanting to just find somewhere to kick a ball about. Son 3 ( aged 3/4) was too small for most stuff, he are a really restricted diet at home and in the USA existed for ten days on ice lollies and a box of rice crispies I took with me in my suitcase.
Because we were on a shoe string budget we were all crammed in one room and the hire car was miniature.
To top it all off I had the heaviest period known to women and blocked the loo with toilet paper!
Funnily enough my middle son is now a USA citizen and goes regularly with his little ones and loves it! Obviously not scarred by the experience.
I learned from the experience and would always advise saving big trips til you have enough money to do it properly and in comfort!

Hopeislost · 28/10/2021 15:44

Yep, pretty normal here! I've lost count of the number of times we've just walked out of a (paid) activity because DD isn't enjoying it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds 7 year olds Families
AnotherDelphinium · 28/10/2021 15:47

This makes me so relieved to read. Took three LOs to trampoline park and soft play at the weekend and they were so excited about it (4, 4 & 6). Got there and the youngest had an absolute fit refusing to wear the socks and was in a horrific grump. Really bad mood bear. The other two got on with it but her mood was getting them down as well.

I remember taking my nieces and they used to love it, we’d all have a great time, and I wondered what I’d done wrong. Just children being children!

Giveaschitt · 28/10/2021 15:52

Don't even need to read the OP, the answer is yes...

Triffid1 · 28/10/2021 15:59

We learnt this lesson the hard way. Now I'm all about lowering expectations - for me and the DC if I can. But some things still get me. DD and I are supposed to be baking a cake tomorrow. She is excited. I know that the only way to get through it is know that it will not be the lovely bonding experience I expect, it will take 3x longer than any cake bake should and it probably won't be a great cake to eat. and ensure i have a secret non-DD-involved cake somewhere else to actually eat

waterlego · 28/10/2021 16:07

I haven’t read all your replies yet OP, but you are definitely not alone! I remember having this feeling often when mine were little and we’d gone to great lengths and/or expense to create nice occasions for them only for everyone to end up feeling frustrated.

There may be light at the end of the tunnel for you OP. DH and I have just come back from three days in London with our two teenagers (13 and 16). We all had a great time and really enjoyed each others’ company. On the way home, both kids thanked us (unprompted) for a lovely trip. Hopefully you will get to enjoy fun family times together at some point!

HemanOrSheRa · 28/10/2021 16:09

Ah DS is 16 now. He's an optimistic glass half full type, so even now gets all excited about stuff then suffers great disappointment when things don't meet the expectations he imagined in his head, bless him.

When we he was younger I could manage situations that with him. So if sand was too sandy, water too wet, craft project too boring/stupid/difficult etc we would stop, move on, I'd help or whatever. All very low key. But I always found if DP was involved too it always descended into shouty, screechy chaos Confused.

HumbugWhale · 28/10/2021 17:49

Our problem with days out is that both girls have a lot more stamina than ds. They can walk round a theme park, zoo etc all day whereas he's had enough after about 2 hours and keeps whining/running off/generally being hard work. We end up dragging him round with promises of ice cream so that we don't disappoint the girls by giving up and going home. On the other hand take them somewhere with sticks and mud and we can't drag him away!

LadyCleathStuart · 28/10/2021 18:06

Yes.

Every. Single. Thing.

GTAlogic · 28/10/2021 18:14

I remember scooping up all the paint, brushes, table cover etc and putting it all in the bin because my dc made such a mess and refused to tidy it all up.

When they were younger then days out used to go wrong all the time. As they've got older they've got better and my expectations have lowered. We rarely pay for big trips out because generally speaking the more it costs, the worse the day (we have no money anyway so it makes this easier).

KilmordenCastle · 28/10/2021 19:05

I'm going to be a smug sanctimonious cow now 😬

Pretty much all of our days out go well. I am a planner. I think of every single thing that could possibly go wrong and I plan for it. I take so much stuff with me for days out. I make an itinerary of what we are doing and when, and design it around what will best suit the dc's and reduce the likelyhood of them getting tired/overwhelmed etc. I have friends and family that take the piss out of me for being so organised, these are the same people that complain about family days out always being a disaster for them.

Also I have really low expectations!

Activities at home are a nightmare though 😂

ThePoisonousMushroom · 28/10/2021 19:40

@KilmordenCastle

I'm going to be a smug sanctimonious cow now 😬

Pretty much all of our days out go well. I am a planner. I think of every single thing that could possibly go wrong and I plan for it. I take so much stuff with me for days out. I make an itinerary of what we are doing and when, and design it around what will best suit the dc's and reduce the likelyhood of them getting tired/overwhelmed etc. I have friends and family that take the piss out of me for being so organised, these are the same people that complain about family days out always being a disaster for them.

Also I have really low expectations!

Activities at home are a nightmare though 😂

Our hyper organised days are always a disaster! The ones where we go with the flow are generally much more fun and successful.
orangeautumnleaves · 28/10/2021 19:50

@ThePoisonousMushroom me too. The more organised, the worse it will be!

NorthernChinchilla · 28/10/2021 19:52

Of course. I laugh about how we'll get one photo of everyone looking jolly in the 8 hours of semi-murder.

But having a chilled one this half term, as each morning is flop, screens for kids, I do some housey stuff/gardening etc (DH unwell) then in the afternoon it's been soft play, town, castle, cinema, etc, each 2-3 hrs then home. Pretty cheap and kids loving it, as am I!

BogRollBOGOF · 28/10/2021 19:55

Yes.

The ASD diagnosis was a relief!

We
Do
Not
Do
Crafts
(or baking)

DS needs a plan. A plan B helps too. He needs down time. Choices make him shut down. It's easier as he's got older and easier to read and anticipate, but we still get plenty of Victor Meldrew days where everything is wrong and antagonising.

Then there's the compulsive sibling squabbling.

The problem with threatening to leave is that it tends to punish the wrong child and the antagonist would be pretty happy to go and push the buttons to make it happen.

Having a 7 seater car is good as I can treat the least annoying child to a ride in the boot to keep him away from the aggravating one. (Social distancing long before it was trendy)

Fortunately I wasn't the #makingmemories type because we don't make that kind of memory Grin

danni0509 · 28/10/2021 20:00

@SiobhanRoy if it makes you feel better, my 7 year old made my mouth bleed yesterday teatime pumpkin carving because he couldn’t use the sharp knife, followed by a 40 minute meltdown and smacking me in the face (he does have SN and is a bit extreme!!) 😅

DuesToTheDirt · 28/10/2021 20:05

@0blio

This is my dd too. I have stopped telling her about things in advance because she gets overexcited and her behaviour spoils it for everyone else.

Oh, I've just had a light bulb moment here - I always felt hard done by that my parents spoiled the excitement and anticipation of doing or going somewhere nice by not telling me in advance about it, now I can see why Halloween Grin

We once had a lovely day out ruined by DD's bad behaviour, at the time she hated everything about the 'awful place'. By the following week her memories and opinion had changed completely and she had had such a good time there she wanted to go back! 🤦‍♀️

We once had a lovely day out ruined by DD's bad behaviour, at the time she hated everything about the 'awful place'. By the following week her memories and opinion had changed completely and she had had such a good time there she wanted to go back!

We took our girls ice skating once. DD2, who was maybe about 7, was a total pain. It was group sessions with an instructor, and she refused to listen to the instructor, wouldn't do as he said, pouted and kept turning away with a cold shoulder. She was totally rude and spoilt it for all of us except DD1, who could ignore her and get on with her own thing.

When we left she asked if we could go again the following week! Over my dead body...

DuesToTheDirt · 28/10/2021 20:05

Oops, double quoting there!

RacketeerRalph · 28/10/2021 20:18

Almost always! I'd planned a trip to the park (not out of the ordinary) but had planned to take DS on his new bike that he's really excited about and meet his cousin with their new bike along the way. Within seconds of setting off DS start whinging, and doesn't stop. When we meet his cousin all they do is bicker. Should have just stayed at home!

DressedUpAtAnIvy · 28/10/2021 20:30

I have low expectations and am not very ambitious. Since covid started I never tell my children about anything in advance because so many things didn’t happen. Our excursions go pretty well.

lollipoprainbow · 28/10/2021 20:42

I've been run ragged trying to get a Halloween outfit for my dd9 today and there is sod all out there !! Left it too late I guess, cue a massive meltdown she's agreed to wear black leggings, a skeleton hoodie and dye her hair purple !!

Remember at Easter trying to make the cute little Easter nests. I tried heating up the marshmallow to mix with the Rice Krispies and ended up with a rock hard sticky mess!! My dd had a meltdown and I ended up chucking the mini eggs at her to sat instead !

WakeUpTired · 28/10/2021 20:47

Our days out are generally a mixed success, but I have to say pumpkin picking last week was utter shite.

So busy, expensive, muddy, and all over in about 30 seconds. Lunch in the farm shop cafe cost a small fortune and took an age to arrive.

Never again.

thaegumathteth · 28/10/2021 21:48

@0blio

This is my dd too. I have stopped telling her about things in advance because she gets overexcited and her behaviour spoils it for everyone else.

Oh, I've just had a light bulb moment here - I always felt hard done by that my parents spoiled the excitement and anticipation of doing or going somewhere nice by not telling me in advance about it, now I can see why Halloween Grin

We once had a lovely day out ruined by DD's bad behaviour, at the time she hated everything about the 'awful place'. By the following week her memories and opinion had changed completely and she had had such a good time there she wanted to go back! 🤦‍♀️

Yes I think other parents think we are odd but I try not to tell dd about things in advance if I can because it's just too much . Sometimes I really want to get excited and look forward to something but I know it'll overwhelm her. Lead up to her birthday this year was ...... intense
MrsLeclerc · 28/10/2021 22:16

I’m laughing remembering our first family trip to the zoo with DS when he was 1. I had this idea that it would be relaxing, we’d stroll around and he’d love the animals…

He had a meltdown in the car on the 45 min drive there rather than napping like we’d thought he would. He did a wee through his nappy and onto his smart shorts as soon as we got out of the car. He was miserable and refused to look at any of the animals. He cried unless he was being carried. We sat in the shade on the grass to try for a nap but he wasn’t having it. Then he slept all the way home.

I’m glad that was the first trip as I learned quickly to keep my expectations low and not to mess with nap time! Grin