Is it normal for all the nice things you plan with kids to end up a fiasco??

[SiobhanRoy]

Example: Halloween. They love Halloween so this year I’ve gone to lengths to make it fun and exciting for them.

Tonight’s activity - pumpkin carving with Dad. Started so well. Everybody happy.

Ended up with dad carving the damn thing himself while the 7 year old had a screaming tantrum because he wouldn’t let her use the sharp knife herself. Meanwhile the four year old flushed a whole toilet roll 🤦🏻‍♀️

Or a trip pumpkin pumpkin picking last weekend. Mud. Tears. Exhaustion. I want to go hoooooome mummy.

Play date for four year old today with her bestie. They barely played because 4 decided (after being excited all day) to sit and draw and completely refuse to engage with her pal. She’s an awkward wee sod sometimes.

So yeah. I mean why bother.

You're dead right about the YouTube vids. Especially Diana 🙄 they are never just playing in the mud!

What pp said about carving: buy the kit with a serrated blade, then all the adult needs to do is punch a little hole and the child can saw out shapes. It takes ages but they really can do it themselves.
But otherwise, yes, most events with high hopes don't work out perfect. We are all the same people even when we're having a good time to a difficult toddler will still be difficult, a tired parent will still be tired etc.
Instagram and Facebook show a perfect moment, not a perfect whole day, so it happens to everyone!

As @GroggyLegs says - lower your expectations, then lower them again! I only do local park etc with our own drink and snacks. They can pick up leaves or whatever. Go for a walk in the forest. Anything which is just about free.

I let my 8 and 6 year olds carve their own pumpkins yesterday! They did comment that ‘daddy wouldn’t let us do this’ and I had a moment of panic that I was being extremely foolish but they were really careful and had a great time!
I remember taking them pumpkin picking 2 years ago thinking it would be lovely, but they were cold and grumpy and didn’t see the point in the activity. Tried again this year and they loved it!

I needed to read this thread! I have two DC 5&2. I also have these lovely ideals in my head of what we 'should' be doing but I often don't do it or put it off because I can see what the reality will be
When we DO try the things, there's often drama.
I felt we were doing our kids a disservice by not carting them about to all these amazing places and things, but this makes me feel better!

Hmmm. Yes, but I think there are ways to minimise:

• I think through activities in advance and set expectations (we’ll carve pumpkins together! You can do xyz. You’ll need help with the knife though as it’s dangerous)
• same with days out. Stuff that works well I repeat, I only try new things when I’m feeling resilient.
• I think if contingencies and get outs. We live in a big city so for days out we often get public transport there and a taxi back.
• lots of days out (museums, zoo) are too much for young kids. Under 10s get tired easily. One of the reasons I love living in the city is we can go back often. I take my three year old to the museum a lot but often we’re only there for 2 hours, see his favourite stuff each time, have lunch and then get a taxi home. If I want to see something properly I go another Time by myself.
• I take the kids for one on one when possible and March to their interests and age range.

Other stuff… ahaparenting.com and her books (Calm parents, happy kid and especially Calm Parents, Happy Siblings) are great at parenting to build positive sibling relationships and reduce fighting and bickering.

Flushed the whole toilet roll down the toilet

Oh my goodness, yes! Mine are much older now - 2 teens and a tween and still sometimes we have this sort of outcome when we try and do something nice! Increasingly, the eldest does his own thing which makes thins easier but is a bit of a sad solution to the problem 🤣

I remember clearly disaster trips and activities from when my children were little.Funny enough I remember them more vividly than the good ones.We all laugh about it now and of course my kids deny their behaviour, sometimes they accuse me of making it up or exaggerating for the shock factor

I have no advice, because I never cracked it.Some things just did not work out, no matter how much money I spent or the time and energy I devoted to it.

Keep the faith, you too will recall these stories and really laugh about it.

This is so true. On Pinterest everything looks so much neater and more fun than my family manage it to be.

One of my biggest trials is getting anyone in my family to just go to the toilet when it is actually convenient to.

"I'm going to the toilet. You two come with me now, before we get on the hour long cable ride up a mountain"

"I don't need the toilet. I already went"

"Squeeze some out"

"No"

"Just squeeze some out"

"No"

My DH: "if he says he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to go"

.....

20 minutes later and I'm half way up a fucking mountain, in a sealed glass box, arguing with my DH and frantically downing a large bottle of water so that my 7 year old can replace it with piss, while 20 Spanish people look on in horror.

Meanwhile, the 10 year old is videoing it "to show Matilda"

Aaaaaahhhh holidays.

@thaegumathteth

Yes - dd in particular gets overwhelmed with excitement about things and ends up ruining them for herself

This is my dd too. I have stopped telling her about things in advance because she gets overexcited and her behaviour spoils it for everyone else.

mumofthemonsters we're starting to get to the stage where we can look back and laugh! Often started by one of the DC saying, 'why am I not in that photo?' 'Well...'

@TemporaryNameGame

This is so true. On Pinterest everything looks so much neater and more fun than my family manage it to be.

One of my biggest trials is getting anyone in my family to just go to the toilet when it is actually convenient to.

"I'm going to the toilet. You two come with me now, before we get on the hour long cable ride up a mountain"

"I don't need the toilet. I already went"

"Squeeze some out"

"No"

"Just squeeze some out"

"No"

My DH: "if he says he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to go"

.....

20 minutes later and I'm half way up a fucking mountain, in a sealed glass box, arguing with my DH and frantically downing a large bottle of water so that my 7 year old can replace it with piss, while 20 Spanish people look on in horror.

Meanwhile, the 10 year old is videoing it "to show Matilda"

Aaaaaahhhh holidays.

sorry but this is hilarious 🤣

Yes.
Real life is not Instagram.

Yes! I've just lowered my expectations and stopped buying into the "making memories" fad. I get on with all the fun stuff and if the kids was to join in at certain points they can.. no pressure.

I completely get you. Despite mine being 8, 10 and 12 now, I still haven’t learnt that the reality is often not like the expectation. But, on the flip side, sometimes the most mundane days with nothing much planned can end up being really lovely. So, this half-term, I’ve deliberately kept it low-key and it’s actually been pretty nice and chilled. Hope yours improves, op.

TemporaryNameGame

Yes.

But the photos look nice.

I have one with us all soaked wet through, smiling as though we're having the best time ever, even in fact I had just sworn never, ever to go on holiday in Britain again. I love that photo cos it reminds me never to trust sm and of the other disasters we had along the road to being good parents. About to enter the sneery teenage years, so looking forward to a different kind of misery.

Yup. The best thing is to try to offload this shit these activities onto someone else. We have MIL staying this week and she's a keen swimmer and into arts and crafts so I've been kindly letting her "make memories" with DS while I catch up with work . We have some very nice lanterns to go in the window now and a tired out child napping on the sofa, while I feel great for once. MIL is also napping. I may have to intervene tomorrow though... I'm quite fond of MIL and don't actually want to kill her !

Same here, absolute nightmare, I'm glad we aren't they only family who feel this. Two girls 8 and 10. We've got to the point now where if days out and trips cost a chunk of money I'd literally rather save the money for a time where they aren't here.

They have competition head on them all the time. We will plan something which we know they will both be excited for. Whichever one gets excited for it first, the other will go out of their way to make a scene or sulk or ruin the day just because they think the other one has got 'their own way' with something they want to do. We cannot ever plan for something for the two of them or make them both happy. It either has to be one or the other but they 100% make it this way. Entitled much! Id rather use the money for myself the way they act these days 😂

@TemporaryNameGame 🤣🤣🤣🤣

God yes all the time! I look around and everyone else seems to be having idyllic family moments! Clearly not from reading this, maybe they just mask it well.

I have a 9 and 4 year old. We keep it simple on the whole. But right now DH is pumpkin carving on his tod 🤣

Took DD (5) to a local beach today, which is a relatively easy day out for us. She decided she didn’t want fish after repeatedly demanding fish and chips on the way there, so wouldn’t eat the food we’d got for her. She was then hungry and crying for snacks, but wouldn’t eat the apple and babybel I’d brought. She whinged about not being allowed to go to the gift shop, and grumbled the whole way home. I wish I’d not bothered.

We stopped doing ‘days out’. They love to run and be free so we just go to different play areas/parks/walks.

This. Legoland/BuildABear - total fucking meltdowns all the way round, whinging, demanding endless snacks, stuff from the gift shop etc. Local park she’s been to 1,000 times and the offer of half an apple - happy as Larry.

This is my dd too. I have stopped telling her about things in advance because she gets overexcited and her behaviour spoils it for everyone else.

Oh, I've just had a light bulb moment here - I always felt hard done by that my parents spoiled the excitement and anticipation of doing or going somewhere nice by not telling me in advance about it, now I can see why

We once had a lovely day out ruined by DD's bad behaviour, at the time she hated everything about the 'awful place'. By the following week her memories and opinion had changed completely and she had had such a good time there she wanted to go back! 🤦‍♀️