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Original poster

7 year old doesn't want grandparents at her birthday

130 replies

gordonramseyspuffa · 27/10/2021 08:05

I showed my 6 year old the list of people coming to her birthday party as well as her school friends, which includes her Grandparents (my parents.) She started getting agitated and asked if they "could be put in a different room?" Historically my parents have been very involved with my DC, very loving, very hands on, and love them to death and vice versa.

I asked her why she did not want them there and she said "they're just embarrassing and old." I feel quite hurt by this and not sure whether I should be insisting to her that she be proud of her family who love her and want to celebrate her birthday -or it's just a phase they all go through? I remember being a bit embarrassed of my grandparents but that was more when I was an early teen and wanting to appear cool, but certainly not as young as 7?

OP posts:
cameocat · 27/10/2021 08:09

Can you have a family party and a school friends party?

I agree that 7 is young to be aware of this being embarrassing. I wonder if there's more to the story that she hasn't told you? (Eg unkind friends, an incident etc)

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 27/10/2021 08:12

Wth is she 6 or 16
And no, I wouldn't be pandering to this by having 2 separate parties !

wendz86 · 27/10/2021 08:14

7 does seem very young to be embarrassed like that . My eldest is 10 and acts like she is too cool for school but would still be fine with her friends meeting her grandparents . Does sound like she must have got this from
Somewhere .

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds 7 year olds Behaviour & development Families
EverNapping · 27/10/2021 08:15

She wants to be a 'grown up' 7 year old in front of her friends, not her grandparents little 7 year old.

Perfectly natural.

Just have a separate event for family.

That way the party can be for the kids to just be kids.

mdh2020 · 27/10/2021 08:15

Your DD probably feels that your parents want her attention while she wants to be with her friends. I wouldn’t read too much into what she has said. The answer is to have two ‘parties’. We were invited to the first parties for our GC but frankly, they are boring. We were much happier when we switched to making a special visit to see them for their birthdays or having a family lunch in a restaurant and the GC get two celebrations.

Remmy123 · 27/10/2021 08:16

We usually keep family and kids party separate

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/10/2021 08:18

I'd be upset to but I wouldn't be asking grandparents to a birthday party with lots of 7-year-olds.

I'd have asked them to come earlier because lots of excited 7-year-olds is my idea of hell and I wouldn't want to have to entertain 2 adults as well. Being there before the party means then can enjoy some time with their granddaughter instead of just watching.

Yogawankonobi · 27/10/2021 08:20

Do you usually let your 7 year old speak about people like that and does she usually dictate who is around?

ballsdeep · 27/10/2021 08:22

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Wth is she 6 or 16 And no, I wouldn't be pandering to this by having 2 separate parties !
Neither would I. I'm sorry your dd is acting spoiled and be to honest, she is unkind. Just have a frank conservation that they are coming end of.
RobinWoodPrinceofLeaves · 27/10/2021 08:23

What a shame for your parents, but sometimes kids can be like this.

It reminds me of this video - maybe you could show them resources similar to explain that the people who love them the most won’t always be around. The link in this video is a bit cringed, and about a mother and son, rather than grandmother, but the point is there.

And they don’t get to decide what adults come, unless there is a better reason.

Fenelladepompom · 27/10/2021 08:26

Seems fair enough to me. Something has probably been said about grandparents by another child. It might have happened earlier than you would have wished but I don't think you should force the grandparents on her. It's HER PARTY after all. Do something else with the GPs.

NautaOcts · 27/10/2021 08:26

Are they coming to her party to ‘help’? Or will this be their chance to see her on her birthday? If it’s the former then tough! If she wants a party with friends and they’re kind enough to help then she doesn’t get to say they can’t be there because she’s embarrassed.

If it’s the second one then yes maybe it would be nicer for them and for her to see her at a separate time.

One of my dds was a bit like this last birthday, it was still sort of lockdown and she had gone all anti social, she wasn’t keen on the grandparents coming round.
But was perfectly happy to accept their present! I said ok so you don’t want to see them so you don’t want their gift then? And told her it was pretty rude. She’s a bit older though so it wasn’t embarrassment infront of friends, just not wanting to make conversation with adults.

learnasyougo · 27/10/2021 08:26

She feels like a different version if herself with her friends, and grandparents are at odds with that. She may not have explained it well. You also don't know what her experiences are at school, e.g overhearing someone talk about being embarrassed by grandma.
Have some compassion for her feelings. She isn't saying she doesn't want to see her gp just not at that event.
Try not to take this personally. Its not a rejection of them. Its just they don't fit into her idea of a kids party and who she wants to be in front of her friends. A separate event will also give your mum and dad better time with dad.

Fenelladepompom · 27/10/2021 08:28

learnasyougo says it better than me.

NerrSnerr · 27/10/2021 08:29

Are the grandparents likely to want her attention while she is trying to play with her friends or try to interfere with games with her friends?

I agree with pp that if they're there to help then fair enough but if they're wanting her attention they should see separately.

Bushkin · 27/10/2021 08:29

At that age parties were always for school friends not relatives. We would maybe do a separate birthday tea thing for close family.

Chocoqueen · 27/10/2021 08:29

We never combined family and friends at birthdays when I was a kid. Much better to have a friends party then another - smaller - thing with family, and I'll be doing the same with my DD. She'll be pulled in all directions otherwise and won't just be about to relax and have fun with her friends. I don't think her saying they're embarrassing is that bad either, she probably wasn't sure how exactly to word how she feels.

girlmom21 · 27/10/2021 08:32

I don't think relatives need to come to her party with friends. It's difficult enough as an adult trying to balance things so everyone gets the right amount of attention, let alone for a child.

WholeClassKeptIn · 27/10/2021 08:33

I think this is quite normal for this age.

It can be really tricky to be in "play with school friends" mode and "seeing grandparents" mode. After a certain age we split this. School friends party at X and grandparents/and or grown up friends round to tea/out to tea.

Its like having your parents in school at that age - it's mixing 2 different sides of you. Does she play games with her friends or go talk to grandparents.

Also completely normal from all the parties we've been to!

I think often as adults we are quick to ascribe adult feelings without seeing jow it is for a child.

LocoCoconanas · 27/10/2021 08:33

We generally have separate events for family. On the actual birthday we have family over, party with friends at a different time. But then grandparents don’t want to be around 30 screaming kids themselves Grin

Ducksurprise · 27/10/2021 08:33

@Yogawankonobi

Do you usually let your 7 year old speak about people like that and does she usually dictate who is around?
It is her birthday. She should have some say on the guest list. I bet you force your kids to hug and kiss relatives even when it makes them uncomfortable.

Op I agree that having them before work after might be better. If they are close and hands on she is probably more childlike with them than with her friends. There is a fine line between teaching them not to be embarrassed by their family and forcing them to do something they don't want.
O

tiggerwhocamefortea · 27/10/2021 08:33

I'd be nipping this one in the bud sharpish OP - you explain they go or no party 🤷🏻‍♀️

WholeClassKeptIn · 27/10/2021 08:34

Ah yes last few posts I missed have said similar!

imasurvivor2 · 27/10/2021 08:34

I feel sorry for her as she probably feels pulled in 2 directions of trying to have fun with her friends and being 'a grand daughter'. I'd definitely have 2 separate events or ask your parents to come at the end for the cake and to stay afterwards

XiCi · 27/10/2021 08:35

I think that yes, 7 years is very young to be embarrassed by GP but at the same time I can see why she wouldn't want adults and children mixing in the same room at her party. You very much just want to with your friends at that age. Dd is 11 now but thinking back to parties at that age I would usually have adults round to the house in the morning then a separate party in the aft for all her friends- trampolining, dance party etc etc. Parties where I've had partyplanners round to the house the adults have kept to a separate part of the garden (Aug birthday) and very much let the kids get on with it. Depends on your set up but yes I can see her POV wanting the children to have their own space