Upsetting encounter. What could I have done?

[Mrsfrumble]

Walking through a rough neighbourhood with my family today, I was approached by a heavily pregnant woman who was in a bad way. She told me that she was scheduled to have her baby by caesarean tomorrow, but the “voices in her head” were telling her she was going to die in surgery, and wanted me to reassure her that it wasn’t true. She also told me she was addicted to crack and felt breathless all the time. I did my best to reassure her, that breathlessness was normal in late pregnancy and caesareans were a common and safe procedure, but I felt completely out of my depth. I asked her if she anywhere to go and someone to look after her, and she told me she lived in supported accommodation. I would have gone with her to make sure this was true, but my young children were with me and I could tell DS (who is autistic) was frightened and wanted to get away.

I can’t stop thinking about her now. She was in a bad state; dirty clothes, rotting teeth and sores on her face, and must have been so frightened to have approached a stranger in the street for reassurance (I think she came to me because I was obviously a mother). I can’t stop thinking about how her baby will be born addicted

What else could I have done for her?

@Nocutenamesleft

Sorry

Just seen she’s in support accommodation

Still. There will be a team attached. Which deal with the ‘street’ you also have street angels. Those kinds of charities.

If you ever do come across this again. Then you could ask which accommodation and ring and explain you’re worried. They’ll get someone out to her ASAP.

We work day in day out 24/7. 365 days a year with these people. Most of whom have just lost their way. They are usually absolute sweethearts. The crack addicts are not to be trusted sadly though. I wish I had any other way of not having to say that. So don’t part with money

They did a study which said. Homeless people just wanted to be spoken to like a human being. Drug addicted. Whatever. Just spoken and treated like a fellow human

You fulfilled that beautifully today. Oh oh did more than most. She will forever remember you. I promise.

Lovely post. You do a great job.

OP, you couldn’t have done more realistically in the moment. Your DC needed to be your main priority.

@EspressoDoubleShot but how can you know for certain that she is in supported housing? Because she said she is? Addicts say all sorts of things because they’re in the grip of an all-consuming addiction and are often desperate for their next fix. Please, when there’s even a chance that a baby’s life could be at risk, don’t assume anything - report every time.

@Sparklfairy sure… last time I went to help the crazy lady of the street, she attacked me (and was surprisingly strong …) No chance on earth I would even risk putting my DC in the middle of this.

We have tried to help on occasion (well Dh has) and you get sucked into a vortex of need that as an individual you can’t help. We were walking to a night out and a lady like you describe was in a drunken / drugged state dh tried to help sat with her tried to work out where she lived to get her home etc but it’s too hard. Now we have a kind firm decent conversation and extricate yourself.

And that was the last one pf a long list. I am not street smart. I am cashier at the all night off license smart. Crazy addict people do crazy addict things and will stab you for a pound.

@Skinnymimi I'm still not sure how screaming at her instead would have stopped her attacking you if she was so inclined

I do get about protecting children that are with you. Which is why I didn't actually suggest helping her or getting 'involved', just calm pleasantries while you make your excuses and leave. I hope this doesn't sound unkind written down, but they can be unpredictable, almost like wild animals. If you show aggression and instability, you'll get the same back.

@lllllllllll same as you I’m reading the thread. Op said supported accommodation
If she is that symptomatic and pg yes she’ll be known to teams, there will a prebirth assessment and a plan for mum and baby

Addict, that was someone else prejudicial hyperbole

@Sparklfairy I hear you but my experience tells me otherwise. If you immediately display aggression too, they leave. The second you start talking, you are screwed. Once again, my experience of years of night shift and the crowd that comes with it…

You listened and gave reassurance, that counts for a lot.

Next time you could always ask if there’s staff working in the supporting accommodation who might help? Alternatively MIND or her midwife might be helpful?

I would have called 111. She will be known to the police/ services.

You could still do this. Might make you feel better as it's clearly praying on your mind.

Addict, that was someone else prejudicial hyperbole

@EspressoDoubleShot eh?! The woman told OP herself that she was addicted to crack and asked for £10 because (again her words) she badly needed a hit. And you think it’s “prejudicial hyperbole” to describe her as an addict?

Yes. There’s some unsavoury prejudices and labelling on this thread
I know what I wrote, I maintain it
The face adds nothing really other than suggest your disapproval or lack of understanding

@EspressoDoubleShot so it’s not acceptable in your view to describe someone who’s addicted to drugs as an “addict”? I’ve heard it all now.