Upsetting encounter. What could I have done?

[Mrsfrumble]

Walking through a rough neighbourhood with my family today, I was approached by a heavily pregnant woman who was in a bad way. She told me that she was scheduled to have her baby by caesarean tomorrow, but the “voices in her head” were telling her she was going to die in surgery, and wanted me to reassure her that it wasn’t true. She also told me she was addicted to crack and felt breathless all the time. I did my best to reassure her, that breathlessness was normal in late pregnancy and caesareans were a common and safe procedure, but I felt completely out of my depth. I asked her if she anywhere to go and someone to look after her, and she told me she lived in supported accommodation. I would have gone with her to make sure this was true, but my young children were with me and I could tell DS (who is autistic) was frightened and wanted to get away.

I can’t stop thinking about her now. She was in a bad state; dirty clothes, rotting teeth and sores on her face, and must have been so frightened to have approached a stranger in the street for reassurance (I think she came to me because I was obviously a mother). I can’t stop thinking about how her baby will be born addicted

What else could I have done for her?

@Skinnymimi

Nothing. She is a crack addict with voices in her head. You protected your own DC and did the best you could. I would have screamed at her to back the F off if she approached me. Crack addicts tend to be unpredictable and you couldn’t risk that.

The unpredictable person in this situation appears to be you . You would have screamed at her? Literally screamed. Really?

its true though...crack addicts are very unpredictable. You dont know if its a potential scam to get cash or valuables....if they have a used needle, knife...anything goes if a potential source of funds is in front of them

would you take a chance with your small children present? no. most wouldn't,but it feels nice to type out the little fantasy of stopping, helping and supporting doesn't it? in reality, you would be wary enough to back off

I think you did all you could do, in the circs.

You did all you could have done. I imagine she meant no harm but she was a stranger so you have to be slightly wary and can hardly walk her home when you've got your DC with you. It's unlikely, but you had no way of knowing if it was a confidence trick. It may have been different if you were child free and walking with a partner or friend.

Also, you're not a trained professional or a support worker and she clearly has access to NHS help of some kind if she's going in for a c section tomorrow. Just because she asked you for help doesn't mean that you're in a place to give it or have the resources to. And you did exactly what she asked- you listened, answered and talked kindly to her.

The poor woman has clearly had a horrible (patch in her) life and it sounds like you gave her a bit of comfort when she needed it most.

I'd probably log it with the non emergency services in case she goes AWOL.

You'll probably think about her on and off for years because you're human and you have empathy. But you did more than many would have and I'm not sure you could have done more ❤️

You offered her kindness and reassurance which was within your remit.

The medics will take care of the baby.

With the benefit of time and distance I would suggest to phone 101 for a police welfare check. Or an ambulance.

But I look back on a number of uncomfortable encounters where I did nothing and felt terrible for a long time afterwards. I'm sure the woman was under a lof of care but not 24/7.

Don't beat yourself up OP ... you acknowledged her existence and gave her a kind word....she will be known to services....the unborn is likely on a child protection plan already

You gave her your time, let her get her feelings out and reassured her. You did so much more than most people would OP, especially since you had young ones with you.

As others have said, she will be on the system. If she's booked in for a c-section then the NHS and social services will definitely be involved, I imagine with a plan for her baby when they arrive.

It would sit heavily on my mind too. You feel so powerless in situations like that, but remember that you gave her your time and your kindness. I hope she gets the help she needs.

If it's weighing on your mind you can still call 111 or 101 and let them know what happened, her name and where she was staying (if you got any of that info- otherwise just the place you had the conversation with her), that you felt concerned and are just making sure she is ok. She should be on both police and community mental health radars, as well as social services. But other than that you did everything right OP don't worry.

You gave her the time of day when others probably wouldn’t have. That’s enough. You really couldn’t have done much. to you for caring.

*much more

All the people suggesting that she should’ve called the police and/or ambulance service - this is the reason that police officers don’t have time to investigate actual crime! Or paramedics don’t have time to come to actual sick people.

This woman lives in supported housing - she will be known to all kinds of services. Short of incarcerating her she will inevitably be living in the community. Hopefully Social Services do the best thing for the baby.

@Skinnymimi

Nothing. She is a crack addict with voices in her head. You protected your own DC and did the best you could. I would have screamed at her to back the F off if she approached me. Crack addicts tend to be unpredictable and you couldn’t risk that.

You are literally what is wrong with the world

@SweetBabyCheeses99 if she was hearing voices she was probably having symptoms of a mental health problem, and ambulance would almost certainly have attended if called - and wouldn’t have felt that their time was wasted.

Thanks for all the replies. I must admit that, after more than 20 years of living in London (many of those in some rather “edgy” neighbourhoods), I assumed a scam when she approached me. I was expecting to be asked for money (she did ask for £10 after telling me how badly she needed a hit, but didn’t seem surprised or pushy when I - truthfully - said I had no cash) and was caught off guard by her request for reassurance. She was carrying some shopping and walking quite purposefully so seemed to be on her way home. It was only after we parted that I wished I could have gone with her to check.

I didn’t know that I could call 999 for a mental health crisis. I will try the logging with 101 online; I didn’t ask her name but could describe her. To be honest we were in an area where community relations with police are not good and I probably wouldn’t have tried calling them in front of her.

This woman lives in supported housing - she will be known to all kinds of services

Yes but at that present moment she was wandering the streets, talking to strangers about voices in her head and being short of breath. None of the many services she was known to were helping her at that particular moment.

@SweetBabyCheeses99

All the people suggesting that she should’ve called the police and/or ambulance service - this is the reason that police officers don’t have time to investigate actual crime! Or paramedics don’t have time to come to actual sick people.

This woman lives in supported housing - she will be known to all kinds of services. Short of incarcerating her she will inevitably be living in the community. Hopefully Social Services do the best thing for the baby.

She sound 'actuallly sick' to me. Christ the heartlessness

As others have said, do not feel guilty.She will probably be known to social services and will be receiving help.I agree calling the police might have been a god idea, for a welfare check, but you weren’t to know .You had your children with you and their safety had to be your priority.

@SweetBabyCheeses99

All the people suggesting that she should’ve called the police and/or ambulance service - this is the reason that police officers don’t have time to investigate actual crime! Or paramedics don’t have time to come to actual sick people.

This woman lives in supported housing - she will be known to all kinds of services. Short of incarcerating her she will inevitably be living in the community. Hopefully Social Services do the best thing for the baby.

This just isn't true. This is an absolutely valid reason to contact the emergency services. She is a vulnerable, heavily pregnant drug addict wandering around talking to strangers in a rough neighbourhood and clearly having a mental health episode. It is absolutely the kind of thing emergency services should be told about.

You do realise that simply calling police doesn't suddenly make a police officer teleport from a murder scene, right? The control room triages and assigns priority to cases, and if they don't think she needs to be seen, then she won't be. If they send someone, it's because they think it needs to be dealt with.

Also investigative crime is usually the CID, not uniformed officers.

@Skinnymimi

Nothing. She is a crack addict with voices in her head. You protected your own DC and did the best you could. I would have screamed at her to back the F off if she approached me. Crack addicts tend to be unpredictable and you couldn’t risk that.

So you’d have thought she’d be unpredictable but you’d have screamed fuck off??? Bollocks you would.

@Ionlydomassiveones I lived next to addicts for 10 years.

There are so many more mentally ill people on the streets near me at the minute. Things seem to have gotten so much worse since lockdown.
At least you stopped to listen to her, so many people won't even do that.

I was walking to a friends house and heard a thud behind me, a pregnant lady had fallen off a wall and hit her head. She was bleeding and clearly in need of some help. No one else even stopped.

I walked her back to her supported accommodation and told the staff what had happened. Before I left she begged me to take her baby and give it a good life. It still breaks my heart to think about. These people need more support. The system is broken.