Upsetting encounter. What could I have done?

[Mrsfrumble]

Walking through a rough neighbourhood with my family today, I was approached by a heavily pregnant woman who was in a bad way. She told me that she was scheduled to have her baby by caesarean tomorrow, but the “voices in her head” were telling her she was going to die in surgery, and wanted me to reassure her that it wasn’t true. She also told me she was addicted to crack and felt breathless all the time. I did my best to reassure her, that breathlessness was normal in late pregnancy and caesareans were a common and safe procedure, but I felt completely out of my depth. I asked her if she anywhere to go and someone to look after her, and she told me she lived in supported accommodation. I would have gone with her to make sure this was true, but my young children were with me and I could tell DS (who is autistic) was frightened and wanted to get away.

I can’t stop thinking about her now. She was in a bad state; dirty clothes, rotting teeth and sores on her face, and must have been so frightened to have approached a stranger in the street for reassurance (I think she came to me because I was obviously a mother). I can’t stop thinking about how her baby will be born addicted

What else could I have done for her?

If you ever find yourself in this position again or anyone else finds themself in this position you can telephone the police and they can do s section 136 which will help keep the person safe especially given the fact she was hearing voices, such a sad situation really.

Well said. All the hand ringers on here would have ran a mile. That’s why they live in leafy enclaves and send their kids to private school. They talk about the higher moral ground but don’t actually live a life where they actually have to be confronted by it.

Umm no, I live in Manchester. Addicts are a regular sight. No screaming in faces occurs. Nor would I run a mile.

Sirensays indeed the system is broken people get sectioned then kicked out without proper treatment leading to a revolving door scenario costing the NHS a lot more in the long run.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Fuck me there are some heartless people on this thread. Do you think people get addicted to crack because the shops were shut that day and they were bored? That woman has most likely had a life of hell. It’s highly highly unlikely that she just wandered down a path of drugs. So many drug addicts have had awful, terrible lives. Would it kill you to have some compassion? OP tomorrow ring social services for that borough. Explain what she looked like and what she was doing. I’d bet you a tenner that they know her. I imagine that unfortunately she’s already on a plan and it’s highly likely baby will be removed at birth. Stress to them how ill she seemed, that she was hearing voices etc.

My best friends dad recently helped a ‘crackhead’ in a similar situation. He thought left her somewhere where she was safe. She actually followed him back to the train station where he was trying to get home and stabbed him repeatedly in the buttocks. He died four times on the operating table. She’s been put into a mental institution with an indefinite sentence. The op did have compassion. She had compassion for her young, frightened children.

@LizBennet

Well said. All the hand ringers on here would have ran a mile. That’s why they live in leafy enclaves and send their kids to private school. They talk about the higher moral ground but don’t actually live a life where they actually have to be confronted by it.

Umm no, I live in Manchester. Addicts are a regular sight. No screaming in faces occurs. Nor would I run a mile.

I live in the drug abuse capitol of England, I also see addicts everywhere. One approaching you when you have small children with you, talking gibberish, begging for money, hearing voices and all the rest of the shit that happened had luckily never happened to me, but is definitely go for running for a mile

So I volunteer with the homeless. I also volunteer with most that are heavily entrenched within addictions

You did a great job. I’d ring a local homeless shelter and see if they have a street team. If they do. Explain what happened etc. They’ll get someone out to her to check. They’re usually all known and if she’s about to give birth. Social services should also know about her.

She’s be high priority at this point. But with emergency beds. They tend to be kicked out during the day

Did she ask you for anything other than reassurance?!?

Sorry

Just seen she’s in support accommodation

Still. There will be a team attached. Which deal with the ‘street’ you also have street angels. Those kinds of charities.

If you ever do come across this again. Then you could ask which accommodation and ring and explain you’re worried. They’ll get someone out to her ASAP.

We work day in day out 24/7. 365 days a year with these people. Most of whom have just lost their way. They are usually absolute sweethearts. The crack addicts are not to be trusted sadly though. I wish I had any other way of not having to say that. So don’t part with money

They did a study which said. Homeless people just wanted to be spoken to like a human being. Drug addicted. Whatever. Just spoken and treated like a fellow human

You fulfilled that beautifully today. Oh oh did more than most. She will forever remember you. I promise.

You did the right thing, OP. You listened to her and offered some reassurance. You treated her like a fellow human and your words will have silenced the voices in her head for a few minutes. If she lives in supported housing and is booked in for a CS then she is known to the relevant services. Her baby will probably be born addicted but it is likely that foster carers are already lined up.

You did a good thing today.

I imagine that unfortunately she’s already on a plan and it’s highly likely baby will be removed at birth.

@Handsoffstrikesagain what do you mean, “unfortunately” she’s on a plan? Are you actually suggesting she shouldn’t be?

That poor child, what an appalling life to be born into.

I would also log what happened with police and social services just in case they’re not aware of her. I know that’s unlikely, but I wouldn’t assume anything when it concerns the safety of a baby or young child.

@SweetBabyCheeses99

All the people suggesting that she should’ve called the police and/or ambulance service - this is the reason that police officers don’t have time to investigate actual crime! Or paramedics don’t have time to come to actual sick people.

This woman lives in supported housing - she will be known to all kinds of services. Short of incarcerating her she will inevitably be living in the community. Hopefully Social Services do the best thing for the baby.

I can assure you that the ambulance service would be interested.

Sth not entirely dissimilar happened to me recently.

Lady with bleeding head wound approached me - not pregnant, but otherwise similar to the woman who spoke to you. She was telling me someone had done this, but then said no they didn't. Walked off when I offered to call ambulance/police. I ended up phoning the police anyway. Got a call back an hour or so later, by an officer asking a few more questions about appearance, location, etc and said 'Oh that must be xyz - yes, she's well known to me, we'll check on her'.

So may be worth calling 101 this evening retrospectively anyway.

@Handsoffstrikesagain that part of your post was worded badly but thanks for the clarification.

OP please ring the police and social services just to log. I’ve just had a thought - I know people are saying she’ll be known to the NHS and SS because she told you she’s booked in for a c-section. But how do you know that is definitely the case? I know it’s highly unlikely that she’s lying, but she’s a stranger, struggling with addiction and the bottom line is, you don’t actually know anything about her. Like I said, if a baby or child’s safety is at risk I wouldn’t take any chances.

I live in another big city and early as I was on my way to work on a very cold winter morning I was approached by a woman with no coat and no shoes on, she didn’t seem very with it and was probably on drugs but she was also clearly distressed about something, although wasn’t coherent enough for me to work out exactly what. I spoke to her to try to calm her down and offered to call the police for help but she refused, I was near my house and invited her in to warm up but she refused that too, I think I’m the end all I could do was give get the small amount of change I had on me but once she’d walked away I called the police (not on 999, I can’t remember if I used 101 or the local police number) to report a vulnerable person and gave a description and the location of her and they said they’d send someone out. I don’t think there is always much else you can do in that situation but she stayed with me for a long time as I worried about what happened to her

I’m sorry that sounds really hard. You can look up the crisis team number, also social services usually have a main number you can call. In similar situations I have also supported someone to go to A&E.

It’s very hard when you have your own children although mine have been with me when I’ve helped people before and they are amazingly good at understanding it once it’s explained.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

And in regard to my comments about compassion, i also very clearly explained that I was asking the people on this thread that said they’d have shouted things.

I think one person said that they would shout or scream in her face....one

@Handsoffstrikesagain fair enough. But like I said, the OP shouldn’t assume that SS are involved and should report just in case. If she is already known then no harm done. If she isn’t then it’s vital they are informed.

Midwife here. OP, you showed her kindness and a friendly word. It is very, very unlikely she will be keeping her baby. She sounds like her life is one of suffering, but among her memories she will have the one of a kind stranger who listened to her and was nice. Who knows, one day if she has the chance to turn her life around, she may think of you and gather strength from your words.

Yes I would have. My two children’ safety will always be my priority. Before any stranger, furthermore a gibberish talking obviously unhinged one, pregnant or not. And all the club of good thinkers and doers who know so well the “street life”, well so do I. Good samaritan stories end up badly, more often then not.

@Hellocatshome

This woman lives in supported housing - she will be known to all kinds of services

Yes but at that present moment she was wandering the streets, talking to strangers about voices in her head and being short of breath. None of the many services she was known to were helping her at that particular moment.

Living in supported accommodation still means individuals come and go and don’t have their free movement restructured. She’s a tenant in her own flat, she can come & go as she wish. Certainly there probably a plan,risk assessment to manage risk but nonetheless she can move about freely. No community service will be there 24/7. The particular moment was evening, no there will not be a worker with her. The principle of social care is the least restrictive safe option.

If she’s pg and in supported housing she’ll be known to services
Perinatal
CMHT
Gp
Local authority children & families
She’ll have had a prebirth assessment and there will be a plan for mum and baby

@Skinnymimi screaming like a banshee at an unpredictable crackhead is probably the worst thing you could do and would likely antagonise her. You're not as streetwise as you think. Calm conversation and reassurance (followed by a swift excuse and leaving) breeds the same with them, it's when you unsettle them that you need to worry.