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Original poster

What age do you stop insisting DC wear hand-me-downs?

68 replies

ScamTheSchool · 21/10/2021 15:48

DS11, DD9

DD9 is refusing to adopt DS's old crocs to wear around the house because they had DS's feet in them. They have been thoroughly cleaned, they are plain green and still usable.

I relented on the winter coat because I managed to get her one which was 60% off as his old one had rockets on it but we are currently at a standoff because she doesn't want his old rain coat (plain blue with yellow detail, still in good condition). She doesn't have anything against the colour blue in general so I'm not sure how much is "I want to choose my own clothes" vs "I don't want my brother's old clothes, how come he gets new" vs "It's toxic, he used to wear it!"

Am I being an awful mum to say tough, its a perfectly good rain coat, wear it?

OP posts:

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 21/10/2021 15:51

My youngest wears hand me downs but she's two. I think as they get older they will probably want their own choices and that seems fair.
I wouldn't have liked to wear my brothers old clothes by your children's kind of age.
If I couldn't afford a replacement that would be different but if I could I would do it

elliejjtiny · 21/10/2021 15:56

I feel bad now because ds2 wears ds1's hand me downs all the time, they are 15 and 13. Most of ds1's clothes were 2nd hand or hand me downs too. They are the same sex though which makes it different I suppose. I always buy ds2 jogging bottoms as well as he hates jeans.

converseandjeans · 21/10/2021 15:56

I think that's a bit old to be wearing brothers old clothes. Also rockets for 9/10 year old? I haven't been able to get DS to wear anything like that since he was about 4 and he used to wear Gap type clothes. Not everything is new but he's wearing Adidas or Nike. We used to be really short of cash & would ask for nice coat as Christmas pressie from my Mum or something.

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Caspianberg · 21/10/2021 15:57

I think they get a mixture.

Regarding the raincoat, I would say a new raincoat costs £40. She can either choose to spend the £40 on a new raincoat, or the £40 can be spent on something else for her that she actually doesn’t have, that isn’t hand me down. Either clothing or for bedroom. That way she sees the benefits of sticking to some hand me downs.

GTAlogic · 21/10/2021 15:58

I remember having to wear hand me downs from my elder sibling. These clothes were then passed down through all our cousins and eventually back to my younger siblings. Afaik some are still in circulation around my cousins' dc! I hated having to wear them but didn't really know why. I now don't make my dc wear hand me downs if they don't like them; instead I pass them onto cousins of a similar age or to the charity shop.

5thnonblonde · 21/10/2021 15:58

It’s tough as it’s not a huge age gap- she can probably still remember him in it all. Mine all share but with a 5 year age gap so the eldest can’t remember half the stuff- it’s more an anonymous box in the wardrobe that clothes come out of rather than ‘x’s old coat’.

9 is when they start to get quite style conscious too- could you compromise on it only being certain items and explain that saving money on eg crocs gives you money to spend on nice boots or something she really wants

Pyewackect · 21/10/2021 15:58

When they started school.

gogohm · 21/10/2021 15:59

Never, dd1 has dd2's coat, they are at university (Dd2 is a couple of sizes bigger than dd1 now)

ElftonWednesday · 21/10/2021 16:00

When hand me downs stopped being a thing, as DD2 outgrew DD1 in spite of being four school years apart. When DD2 got to Y6 probably. They now "borrow" one another's clothes.

They both like a rummage around a charity shop, so choose their own second-hand gear now!

bobsholi · 21/10/2021 16:01

I have boys a year apart but exactly the same size. It wouldn't occur to me to pass things between them though as they have such individual tastes. I either pass things on to others or sell if I think I'll get some money for it. I usually source the DCs clothes second hand so they don't cost much anyway.

Hollyhead · 21/10/2021 16:03

I think you have to be quite tough - it’s not affordable from an environmental perspective not to reuse things like that.

WhatsWrongWithMyUsername · 21/10/2021 16:04

My DC2 also won’t touch anything touched/ breathed on/ been in the general vicinity of DC1.

Aged 10 and 12 but there’s a huge height difference, so generally DC2 doesn’t recognise the things I sneak into his wardrobe that come from my stockpile of old clothes. Particularly school uniform. But I also don’t seem to have things in all the right age brackets - surely DC1 had an age 8-9 winter coat, but maybe it was summer when he was that size!

Comedycook · 21/10/2021 16:05

I have a boy and girl with the same age gap. My dd will wear the odd thing that was her brothers...she wears his old hoodie for pe and wears his old coat if doing anything muddy and doesn't want her nice one to get ruined. But generally, no, she doesnt wear his old stuff. I think when the kids are the opposite sex, it's unfair to make them wear hand me downs if they don't want to

5thnonblonde · 21/10/2021 16:07

Mine are the same gender and same birth month just 5 years apart so it works v well (but that’s obv not much help to OP now!)

MiloAndEddie · 21/10/2021 16:08

The crocs I’d adopt a tough shit attitude on that. She doesn’t have to wear them out of the house.
The coat is trickier, if she’s always had a lot of hand me downs it can feel pretty rubbish to always have everything second. It wasn’t bought with her in mind. Could you sell it and put the money towards one she likes?

Original poster

ScamTheSchool · 21/10/2021 16:08

now I feel mean!
There are about 4 clothes years between them. I also remember hating hand me downs, but I never had any new clothes of my own, my sister got to choose. She does get to choose a lot of her clothes because she's a girl, so there's different types of clothes DS never wore.
T-shirts and jumpers I get out and ask her which she wants, pass the rest on. Joggers and shorts the same, but only expect her to wear his old ones in the garden or around the house, I wouldn't ask her to wear them out. Proper shoes, sandals and boots she gets new.

OP posts:

LadyCleathStuart · 21/10/2021 16:08

I have an elder DS and younger DD and beyond baby age I haven't put DD in any of DS's old clothes. I've always sold them on and just bought her different things.

Not a boy girl thing more a totally different child thing, both had different shapes and different likes/dislikes, favourite colours etc.

I would buy a 9 year old a jacket that she liked.

horseymum · 21/10/2021 16:09

I teach mine it's good from an environmental perspective too. Dd14 hands down to dd11 but younger one will soon overtake in height so it will be reversed. They are proud to look after their clothes and see another younger friend get some too. They get some things handed down from ds but he wears his stuff out more. Maybe the odd t-shirt or hoodie. When they were younger, I would have bought more neutral things for D's so they could be passed down, like raincoats, snowsuits etc.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/10/2021 16:10

DD2 choses from DD1s clothes. They are 10&8.
Some stuff isn't her style, or is the wrong shape (she's a sturdier build than her sister). Or is worn out.

Divebar2021 · 21/10/2021 16:12

It’s about choice. Does DS get to choose what he gets and DD doesn’t have a say by virtue of being younger? Does DS get new clothes versus DD’s hand me downs? I have nothing against hand me downs at all and would say my wardrobe was 50% preloved but I would resent having to wear something I didn’t like because it was still wearable. Would you wear your husbands clothes if they weren’t to your taste? I suggest letting her choose a suitable coat second hand from eBay and bet you can do it for £10 or under. My DDs currently wearing a preloved Gap parka that I got for £3.

MerryMarigold · 21/10/2021 16:13

I think it's quite old. My DD still wears hand me downs from friends but they are girls (now women's!) clothes. She lives a good slouchy jumper but wouldn't wear her brothers clothes. I think the raincoat is probably a bit boy looking, just the cut, pockets etc are all different from girls styles even if colors are ok in themselves, so it's 'embarrassing' if her friends would see her in a male looking coat.

sillysmiles · 21/10/2021 16:14

I'm in my 40's and I still wear my sisters "hand me downs"

Enterifyoudare · 21/10/2021 16:14

I never reused shoes. Mainly for hygiene reasons. And that a pair of shoes never lasted that long.

DS are 6YO and 8YO. We are getting to the age where we are phasing it out. Mainly because clothing is destroyed by the time the grow out of it. We have holes in knees, along with felt pen, paint and food stains on everything. DS2 is also starting to express his own tastes etc.

If I had DD/DS I wouldn't have used hand me downs part the baby stage. I was 3 years younger than my brother and I absolutely detested having to wear his hand me downs. I never got to wear anything remotely girly as a child as a result. It's a big thing when you're starting school and finding your place amongst your peers. My mum was also pretty controlling in a lot of things and it wasn't really until my teens I was permitted to choose my own clothes. Which was shit.

Please let your daughter have some of her own clothes.

MerryMarigold · 21/10/2021 16:14

I get most of her clothes on eBay which is a great way to save money and recycle.

Enterifyoudare · 21/10/2021 16:16

@Divebar2021

Agree 100%. You can still let her choose and be purchasing secondhand items or using your own hand me downs.

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