What age do you stop insisting DC wear hand-me-downs?

[ScamTheSchool]

DS11, DD9

DD9 is refusing to adopt DS's old crocs to wear around the house because they had DS's feet in them. They have been thoroughly cleaned, they are plain green and still usable.

I relented on the winter coat because I managed to get her one which was 60% off as his old one had rockets on it but we are currently at a standoff because she doesn't want his old rain coat (plain blue with yellow detail, still in good condition). She doesn't have anything against the colour blue in general so I'm not sure how much is "I want to choose my own clothes" vs "I don't want my brother's old clothes, how come he gets new" vs "It's toxic, he used to wear it!"

Am I being an awful mum to say tough, its a perfectly good rain coat, wear it?

I have an older DD and a younger DS - almost nothing gets passed down but I deliberately chose a unisex colour bike which DS now has. I'm pretty sure DD only rode it a handful of times. The only other things that got passed down is waterproof trousers, beach shoes and shin pads!

All 3 of mine have pretty much everything handed down Starts off with cousins, 2 years older than DS1, then through my 3 boys (2 years then 3 years gap).

They don't all wear everything as they are different builds & have different styles. But it is all in their wardrobes.

They don't mind in the slightest. Partly because it is what we have always done, also because I have told them that money saved by not buying new clothes equals more days out/ice creams etc. Plus they all think it's kind of cool to be wearing big cousin/brother's stuff. It helps that one cousin has a large stash of Superdry & other cool labels which get passed down!

FWIW, I also mainly wear secondhand clothes & am very open about it, as does DH, so we are no different to them in that regard. I also love to think how much good we are doing the planet (especially as old clothes get chopped up for rags or passed on afterwards).

I feel like you want to hand down every ite,s it too much!
It can feel like you never get anything new if all you are getting are your siblings old clothes.
Bundle it up and put it on Ebay then buy her a bundle from Ebay.

I never got to wear anything remotely girly as a child as a result
This is definitely not the case!! Although she often chooses t-shirts from the "boys" section. I have let them choose their new clothes since they could point!

Mine stopped at preschool age, except for very specialist things - I’m not buying new ski sallopettes for one weekend’s use when the existing ones are almost new, a unisex item anyway and just plain black.

But for regular day to day clothes, coats, shoes etc then around age 3 or 4 my daughter was fairly clear she didn’t like her brother’s taste in clothes, which is fair enough. It’s not like as an adult I’d wear second hand men’s clothes even just “around the house”. I think by your daughter’s age even suggesting she should wear an obviously boyish and quite babyish sounding coat with rockets on (which probably zips the other side for a start) was really quite unfair. If money is tight buy in sales or in charity shops.

DC are 17 and almost 15. Both wear hand me downs and always have. I've never made them wear something they didn't like though. Unless the only reason was "older dc has worn it"

They've always had some things new as well though as i think it's important to be allowed choice.

Admittedly DS1s current hand me down items are a leather jacket from my step dad and an Armani hoodie. Neither of which I would buy!

My younger daughter had hand me downs until she was about 15 when she caught up with her sister height wise. She used to look forward to certain items of clothing coming her way.

She always had the occasional new item of clothes, and new shoes (but not wellies).

Think of the environment! We can’t buy new stuff just because kids are precious. They have to learn that resources are finite. If she really doesn’t like it I’d agree with giving it to charity/ selling on eBay and getting her a preloved one of her choice.

I should add that I buy second hand for everyone in my family including myself, so I do set an example

I feel like you want to hand down every ite,s it too much!
No! Certainly not. She currently has 15 long sleeved T-shirt's in her drawer, none are from her brother, all are girl ones. 22 short sleeved, 3 are from her brother, 5 are from the boys section (character ones) and the rest have varying degrees of glitter, sequins and pink. None of her 4 usual jumpers are from her brother although there is a spare unworn one in the cupboard. None of her trousers are hand me downs. (Wrong style, shape)

My issue is with rain coats, fleeces and crocs!

My sister is 2 years older than me and I remember as a child thinking it was unfair that I rarely got any new clothes as I mostly had her hand me downs. But on the plus side I absolutely coveted some of her clothes so it was always brilliant when those got passed along! She’s now 40 and we still offer each other a rummage through any bags of clothes that are going to the charity shop for first pick.
I agree with pp that if your daughter is really not happy about the coat, try to get her a decent one of her choosing from eBay/charity shop and then sell or donate your son’s old one.

DS2 solves the issue by being too close in size to DS1 so I have to double purchase things like crocs.
School uniform is communal, but there's enough shorts to suit DS1's preferences and trousers for DS2 as DS1 never wears them.
Casual clothes often have an overlap where items end up in the wrong drawer and on the other child. There are also favourite items which one child only will wear.

Why not sell the jacket second hand on Vinted or similar and use the money to buy a different second hand jacket that is more to her liking. You won’t loose any money and DD will be happy to.

When it comes to children’s clothes you can find higher priced brands at much lower prices and generally in very good to reasonable condition.

Would be the equivalent of a hand me down with the added bonus for DD of DB not having been near it.

It must suck a bit being the younger one and getting second hand stuff. I’m the older one so didn’t experience this but know my younger sister got fed up sometimes. Maybe it’s not the clothes per se, she just thinks it’s unfair that he always gets new whilst she has to make do with cast offs.

Never shoes. I would not make them wear a hand me down they didn't like.

Get yourself on vinted. I’ve sold a few bits and def getting new (to us) wellies for DD on there next time she needs!

At that age I wouldn't make them unless they want to (DD happily wears her cousins hand me downs as she idolises her). I do hand down some school uniform between ds 1&2 but that's it (they are 8&9). I just think I wouldn't want to be the one always having hand me downs - it's not fair.

I should say I don't always buy brand new - just 'new to us' so not obviously worn already by his big brother. They are very close in age, so when younger nearly everything ds2 had was previously ds1's, he just rebelled as soon as he noticed.

Growing up my mother used to swap clothes with other families. All the parents knew that their own children wouldn't wear clothes than had belonged to their older sibling. It's kind of unfair to expect your dd to wear boys clothes as well. She will end up getting bullied terribly over it.

What you are doing is fine. She gets a mixture of new and hand me downs. You could negotiate on a particularly offensive item, as in sell off some other clothes until enough money has been generated for a ‘new’ eBay one, but I wouldn’t be pandering to ‘brother has had this on and therefore I will die before this touches me’ kind of indulgence. Remind her of the bad effects over consumption is having on the planet with her fifteen long sleeve tops!

Ds 12 has 6 older brothers... He can't wait to fit into their stuff!!
Ds 6 happily wears the decent stuff I kept from ds 12..
Dd's a year apart - dd1's stuff got shifted along(or shared) the wardrobe until ds1 became a Goth last year!!
Tell dd her using ds's old stuff to mooch around in leaves spare cash for treats!!

DD2 wears about 70% handmedowns and 30% new stuff.

They are 8 and 6 and the proportion of new stuff for DD2 is increasing all the time. Mainly because they are very different shapes but also because DC1 seems to destroy clothes.

Remind her of the bad effects over consumption is having on the planet with her fifteen long sleeve tops!
Lol that's my washing routine slovenliness! She wears them to school (no uniform).

This, for example is one of DS's old coats.

Sell DS's old clothes on ebay. Buy DD 'new' clothes (which she can choose) on eBay with the proceeds. Saves money, more environmentally friendly and she gets to pick stuff she likes.