Saw a chat taking the mick out of me in a meeting

AmyFl · 19/10/2021 18:22

They don't sound very nice, there's nothing wrong with being enthusiastic!
I'd rather work with you than people who are nasty to others.

CharlieP1977 · 19/10/2021 18:24

@Snoopfroggyfrogg

Hi all,

I feel a bit deflated and down.

I have just started retraining and was in an online seminar today presenting an article. Someone did their presentation after me, closed the window they were sharing and a chat screen was visible for several seconds to the whole group.

The person was taking the mick out of me with one or two other people from the class. What I saw was something about how I was being enthusiastic and a lot of laughter emojis and my name jumped out a few times although I'm not sure what it said further down. So, nothing horrible as far as I read but it's still not very nice that people I don't know well were taking the mick, and everyone saw.

I am actually quite nervous and have had to build up over the years to being able to present with confidence and speak publicly. I felt belittled and foolish especially as I am newer to the subject than a lot of the group. I did jokingly mention the chat when it popped up so it was obvious I had seen.

Personally, I would have messaged privately to apologise and say nothing malicious was meant by it but I have not heard from those involved. We haven't really been a group long and have been mostly working remotely so don't all know each other (some live in halls together but I'm older)? Would you do or expect anything more here or just take it on the chin and put it down to immaturity?

Hey OP,

Sorry you are feeling so deflated by this.

I would put it down to immaturity and I wouldn't waste your energy thinking about it again Hun. These people aren't important xx

SoniaFouler · 19/10/2021 18:25

Living in halls, so most likely 18/19? It’s mean but I’d put it down to immaturity myself. I feel sorry you saw it though, can’t have felt nice.

CocaColaTruck1 · 19/10/2021 18:27

How old are these people?! Seriously.
I think it's good you mentioned you seen it tbh. Letting them know you know.
Sorry it happened to you it's awful, don't let it get to you and your confidence that you've built up over the years.
Personally I'd far rather someone be enthusiastic than listening to a dull monotone voice for half an hour.

picklemewalnuts · 19/10/2021 18:29

Ignore it. They have made themselves look small and petty. Rise above it.
And don't make a silly mistake like sharing a screen with chat still open!

Scarydinosaurs · 19/10/2021 18:33

I take it they’re teenagers and you’re a mature student? I’d ignore it. It’s their childishness and you have to rise above it. They clearly lack the empathy to realise they should have messaged you and are going to avoid addressing it out of embarrassment.

saltontoast · 19/10/2021 18:34

That sounds horrible OP. They should've apologised to you

BitterTits · 19/10/2021 18:38

I wouldn't ignore it. They need to understand that unprofessional conduct like this would be dealt with in the workplace and could damage their prospects. Idiots.

TenThousandSpoons · 19/10/2021 18:39

They sound awful and very immature. They absolutely should have apologised. Was there a teacher/trainer type person who should have a word with them? Good that you mentioned you’d seen it - hopefully they’re mortified. Try not to let it get to you, they’re not worth it - they sound like year 7 bullies.

nancybotwinbloom · 19/10/2021 18:41

They are dickheads op. It's really hard to present. I do this regularly for my job and I still hate it.

However it's easy to criticise when it's not you that has to do it. Regardless of what they said, they were not doing the presentation.

Well done for achieving this. Don't let them grind you down and keep going.

Usually most people in the audience are with you and supporting you and usually thinking I couldn't do this.

Don't let this knock you back.

Original poster

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 19/10/2021 18:45

Thank you so much for all of your lovely supportive replies- I do appreciate it. I felt too embarrassed by this to let anyone in real life to know it's upset me!

So it's a postgrad course so they're mostly early-mid 20s, rather than teenagers but still a good bit younger than me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 19/10/2021 18:48

The group leader hasn't said anything to me although I think she saw, it was on screen for a while. I am in 2 minds whether to raise it with her, kind of don't want to make it a 'thing' and just move on, but also am quite annoyed this behaviour is going on when people are doing their best to learn.

OP posts:

TertiusLydgate · 19/10/2021 18:49

I’m sure it was upsetting but you really need to forget about it - precisely what the people messaging will have already done.

chillied · 19/10/2021 18:50

THEY are going to be posting on one of those "how embarrassing" type threads. And they sound far too immature to work out how to reach out and apologise to you OP. Rest assured they are cringing.

Concentrate on earning good feedback from your tutors/trainers, that's who you need to impress, not these youngsters.

Look for friends beyond these individuals - other students on your course or students on different courses.

These online meetings give the opportunity to "pass notes" to each other in a way you can't in a real life scenario. Yes a good lesson for us all to keep our gossip "chats" through our phones while online meeting on a computer!

ineedsun · 19/10/2021 18:50

Do not ignore it, raise it with the tutor. If this is a post grad course, presumably there’s a professional element. They need pulling up on this. It’s bang out of order.

Rogue1001 · 19/10/2021 18:54

I'm so impressed ypu made a comment at the time.
Good for you....
Powerful
Strong
Straight
Assertive

Feel proud 💪 but also cos I understand why this has rocked you.

Absolutely fine to mention it to the group leader. Especially around professionalism and a heavy hint that (a) an apology would be appreciated and (b) a strong expectation this will never happen again.

You have the moral high ground. Hold your head high and keep carrying on.

But here's a hug for how rubbish you must be feeling x

8Sense8 · 19/10/2021 18:54

I would much rather listen to someone enthusiastic. It's great that you've developed that skill. They sound like they have a touch of the green eyed monster/fear of not measuring up plus a big dose of immaturity. Try to let it wash over you. Don't let them see it bothered you. They sound silly and a bit pathetic. Keep your cool. Keep being you. You can't please people like that. But you can be the best version of you. (A cliche but true).

Newhorizon21 · 19/10/2021 18:56

Agree with @BitterTits

@Snoopfroggyfrogg why shouldn't you make this 'a thing'. The other (younger) students need to be reminded/warned that actions have consequences, & that what they did today is unacceptable & hurtful. I can't believe that they couldn't also see the chat reminder 'visible to all ( or similar). This is essentially equality and diversity

forrestgreen · 19/10/2021 19:09

I presume you're paying for this course, so yes I'd raise it with the leader. If only to teach them that this is a professional setting and that's not how we behave. We're not still at uni after a night out.
Well done for presenting, I find it awful.

Smashingspinster · 19/10/2021 19:15

Without knowing what was in the chat, it is hard to say. We assume gossip is always nasty but studies show that most chatter people indulge in about other people is positive. It is also possible that it was nasty and mean spirited too, and that you have a group trying to establish themselves and bullying to do it. I think if you know the group leader saw it you should speak to them privately and ask what was in the thread. At the moment, you are making assumptions (which is totally normal, we all do this, and they are always negative) but without checking them out you may be interpreting this incorrectly and getting upset for nothing. Kudos to you for what you are doing, it is awesome to be going back to studies like you are (and you will probably do a lot better than the younger ones).

TractorAndHeadphones · 19/10/2021 19:24

Op I can understand why you feel belittled if you had to battle to build up confidence - but everyone else here is making this a bigger deal than necessary.
First of all you don't know what they actually said. Some people (like myself) use laughter emojis for anything and everything.
Secondly you are expected to handle yourself in a professional environment. If everybody ran around reporting every small thing like they were schoolchildren managers would spend the majority of their time on nothing else. Bar harassment, bullying (and even then the advice is to document over a period of time, raise it with colleague first and then tell your manager) you will encounter people with less than ideal behaviour everywhere and be expected to deal with it.

Have you tried directly asking them to their face ? 'Oh hello, noticed you were chatting about me, didn't know I was so popular' faux sweetness

Crystalglass · 19/10/2021 19:25

I would 100% raise it with the tutor.

They shouldn’t have to Police adults in this way, but sadly it would seem they have to in this case.

How pathetic that people of that age thought it was ok to post this in a chat that everyone else could see. It’s rude, makes them come across as insensitive and immature. It’s the kind of behaviour that you would expect (but not condone) from teenagers - taking the piss out of someone who cares enough to be hard working and enthusiastic.

If they were in my class I would tell them to grow up or get out!

Original poster

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 19/10/2021 19:26

Thanks for the further lovely comments!

Thanks smashingspinster it's a good point- however in terms of what I saw, it wasn't anything unforgivable but it was definitely laughing at me, not with me. They were mentioning me being enthusiastic in a bit of a snarky way. Probably more bonding and having a laugh amongst themselves than anything. You remember how kids at school would vie to appear as nonchalant as possible about the work?

OP posts:

Aquafizzle · 19/10/2021 19:27

They'll get a land once they start I'm the world of work.

Enthusiasm and energy in a presentation is a very positive thing and it sounds like you really smashed it! That's the most important take away.

They're immature and have that cynicism that comes with it.

You've done really well so be proud of yourself. They haven't private messaged because they're mortified that their chats were seen.

TractorAndHeadphones · 19/10/2021 19:29

Also to add OP - take this as a good lesson in how to deal with people who doubt you. There will be a lot of this throughout your career. In order to progress you must do things that you never thought yourself capable of. If you allow yourself to be affected by what other people think you will be overwhelmed by impostor syndrome.
As a woman in technology i am here thanks to my thick skin. Of course I've had to actually report a few people in my time - but when you deal with unprofessional people gracefully other people sit up and take notice