I’m struggling with decluttering after hoarding for over 10 years

[anotherDayofThis]

I was a hoarder and started trying to sort my home out over a year ago.

Had a break as had a baby during lockdown and since august I’ve restarted the effort and I am exhausted!

There’s too much stuff !!!! Every DAY I’m getting rid of approx 3-4 bin bags full. I’m seeing no improvement yet and I’m so desperate to get it done by nov so that I can then decorate for Xmas and relax for once but I’m losing motivation.

I’m making the mistake I think of not doing one area at a time ? As in I’ll think ‘oh I’m in the kitchen the foods cooking il do that one drawer’ then later ‘dc in the bath , I’ll sit here by the door decluttering the books’ or ‘dc watching CBeebies so I’ll declutter the toys in the playroom’ and I just don’t do one job at a time so every room is partially done .

Any tips ? Or something that will motivate me as it’s Sunday and I just want to sit down but I know I have to get on and declutter more and I’m exhausted

Well done OP!!
My family members are serious hoarders and I know how difficult it is.
You just wanting to change is incredible but actually throwing stuff out is amazing! So although you feel like not much has changed it really has!

I would definitely take photos of every room as it will be easier to see the difference.

You have made a difference no matter how small on each room but I would definitely concentrate on one room at a time just so it’s quicker to see the difference and you don’t get disheartened.

I would look into how to make things easier. A lot of charities will collect large items for free.
Clothesgenie will send you bags for clothing which you leave outside your door for them to collect and they will weigh and pay you for them.
Put some stuff on Freecycle and give it away for free - you could arrange a time and put it outside so they don’t need to come in.

You are getting rid of things so you are making a difference it just might take a while to notice.

I admire all you're doing here OP.

Holding onto the things that help you live your life and getting rid of things that are unhelpful or restrictive. Don't forget to keep an ear out for unhelpful thoughts too. The ones that say you're not good enough, should be stronger, have wasted time and opportunity. Bag them up too.
All emotions are valid. Some thoughts are unhelpful.
Enjoy your afternoon

@anotherDayofThis started on bedroom working left to right. Which is all DHs stuff he came home to see all his crap spread out I said sort it because if I chuck he will go mental. He pleased exhaustion from a bike ride 🙄

Eek

I have been so inspired by you OP that I have spent the whole day gutting out my son's room. Maybe 8 bags of charity shop. And loads of little recycling bags. Still haven't finished. Kind of helped by the fact that I am on steroids for an infection due to covid which have made me hyper so I thought I might as well utilise all that energy.

How did you get on today?
Do you feel you've made progress?

You're definitely right not to try and sell stuff that definitely slows the process down.

I found listening to podcasts and you tube videos as I worked helped me keep focus and stopped me getting overwhelmed with the process. I liked The Minimalists, Joshua Becker, The Minimal Mom, and A Slob Comes Clean.

Thanks for this thread you started OP. I gutted out my living room cupboard and threw out bags of festering sweets from years ago, found missing jigsaw puzzle pieces, threw out random broken toys. I feel like I am winning at life today. It's just inspired me to start gutting out my little ones' bedroom next. Lots of outgrown clothing needs to be bagged and taken to the charity shop.

Seems others are also getting the decluttering bug😂

OH finally tackled the piles of his stuff I had left on the bed. Threw out half a bin bag full. I was surprised 🤣

I hope you've had a productive day OP. 3-4 bags removed regularly is no mean feat!
I have also been on a long term declutter. I've lost both parents in recent years, which has meant a lot of stuff coming into the house to sort through. Combined with a DH who is in denial about his messiness, 2 young DCs who are junk magnets, and my own tendencies to hold onto more that I need to, it has been a mammoth task. It has mostly been down to me whilst DH keeps DCs out of my hair too, and regularly feels like 2 steps forward, one back as more stuff appears.
I find what works best for me is alternating between a visible area of clutter (eg kitchen worktops) and hidden clutter (eg wardrobes), as I find a clear noticeable difference really motivating. I need to easily see a difference at the end of the day, otherwise it feels a bit 'what's the point?'. This often means moving between different rooms, but if I need a quick fix I revisit a small room (like the porch or bathroom) which has already had the proper declutter but once again is a bit disordered, and blitz it. It takes little time, but quickly reminds me how good things look once done.

my late parents were hoarders and so was I ....i reckon it took me about 6 months to clear a 4 bed house....its important to focus...one room or cupboard at a time....be totally ruthless....dont sit and dwell over an item...hours just go by....bag up stuff and put in car or drop off within 24 hours so not tempted to retrieve items....i regret getting rid of maybe one item out of hundreds....!!

@anotherDayofThis

One thing I have realised throughout this is that for all the years I was hoarding and disorganised and making no effort to clear it dh didn’t pressure me and now that I am doing it he has taken over the other household jobs plus looking after dc when he’s not working to allow me to declutter and get it done. In a way as frustrating as the process is it’s been made very clear to me how much he is supporting me and I think maybe I’d taken him for granted before unintentionally

This is the nicest thing I have read in ages OP, well done on your progress and on your lovely family - this sounds like the start of a whole new chapter for you

Great thread!

I'm paralysed at the thought of stuff going into landfill. I then tell myself that when I die someone else will only chuck it out anyhow so I may as well do it now, very hard though.

Does anyone know if the UnfuckYourHabitat app still works for latest iOS - looks like it hasn’t been updated in a while. I’ve had a lot of apps recently I’ve paid for only to lose when Apple updates.

OP you’ve inspired me! All those bin bags going out gave to be making a difference, even if you don’t see it yet. If you keep going, you will.

@SleepyMathematician someone up thread mentioned it, then a few posts later said it's had a name change - a little less blunt!

Just finished clearing out my bathroom cupboard thanks to this thread.

You've motivated me to do my wardrobe today. I'm going to clear it out and put my summer stuff away. Check my underbed storage in case I need to throw anything out

Op it sounds like you’re doing a great job.

After ignoring my house for a few years I started to unclutter it. I lurked on a Mumsnet thread ‘get rid of a carrier bag of stuff a day’ and then started posting on the ‘get rid of one item a day’ - we’re now on thread 19 if you want to join us?

My approach was to tackle areas and get rid of things gradually as I was attached to a lot of stuff. It has got much easier to get rid of stuff as I know that I rarely miss the stuff I got rid of. I used to start a timer for 15 minutes and do an area and often found that I’d start to enjoy doing it and would spend two hours on it. Then I’ve followed various websites - flylady, apartment therapy, clutterbugs to give me ideas. Earlier in the year I downloaded the app toss which I like. It sends you to an area to declutter and you log the number of items you got rid of. I have downloaded the unfilth your habitat app mentioned above but actually think decluttering is just habit for me now. Whichever room I’m in i declutter as I go, so if I make a tea I’ll declutter a mug or find some gone off food.

I used to log the stuff I got rid of - but stopped at 1,000 bags. My house wasn’t that cluttered, lots of that was in the garage / shed / loft and we have lots of built cupboards. Anyway I can’t tell you how much happier I am. With two kids there’s still lots of mess but it’s so much quicker to tidy away and most things have a place so I no longer buy extra things (at one point I must’ve had 15 rolls of sellotape and wrapping presents was a nightmare as I roamed around the house looking for some) and I no longer buy stuff because I know what I own.

@tortoiselover100

I recommend reading Marie kondos the magic art of tidying. It's the most motivational book ever! I couldn't get the stuff out of my house quick enough x

I second this it's so helpful. I've lent the book out a few times. The clothes task is so overwhelming I'm hiding from it. I think it helps to invite someone to help.

On a positive note I MADE the dds and dp do the under stairs cupboard yesterday with me. I've realised that the dds are quite good at getting rid of things - they put together a load of craft kits and other toys and put them out on the doorstep to give away. I got the sweetest photo from my neighbour of her toddler nursing the Minnie Mouse doll she aquired from the dds.

Dp is a bloody nightmare for allowing things to leave the house. I still have a box of leads that don't belong to anything. But we are moving likely to an older house so maybe he has a point.

We can get in the cupboard again though! Huge bin bag of crap left the house 😂

Well done on making a start.
If you have Netflix watch maid. She cleans a house where the owners are hoarding. It's really interesting.

You are doing great. Its hard with small children. Now mine are 5 and 8 the toys get smaller and they are more self sufficient. So I have more opportunity to sort it. I dumped all the baby stuff into the garage and just getting through the mountain. So it's taken me 4+ years!

I'm in the middle of decluttering too and keep reminding myself that things are going to look worse before they look better. My Dad was a complete pack rat. When he died, it took us a fortnight of 10 HR days just to clear back to normal. 3 relations had lived in that house, one after another so it was like Time Team, back to 1920s.

Cleared out my wardrobe, got a bag of clothes for the charity shop and all my summer stuff away, winter stuff in the wardrobe. Feels so good.
How you doing anotherDayofThis ?

I got a lot done yest but made the unpleasant discovery of a lot of damp and mould behind some of the accumulated rubbish so spent the evening sorting that out 😬

@Annonnimoouse42

I'm in the middle of decluttering too and keep reminding myself that things are going to look worse before they look better. My Dad was a complete pack rat. When he died, it took us a fortnight of 10 HR days just to clear back to normal. 3 relations had lived in that house, one after another so it was like Time Team, back to 1920s.

I'm really dreading doing my clothes and the kids room because of the worse before better!