I’m struggling with decluttering after hoarding for over 10 years

[anotherDayofThis]

I was a hoarder and started trying to sort my home out over a year ago.

Had a break as had a baby during lockdown and since august I’ve restarted the effort and I am exhausted!

There’s too much stuff !!!! Every DAY I’m getting rid of approx 3-4 bin bags full. I’m seeing no improvement yet and I’m so desperate to get it done by nov so that I can then decorate for Xmas and relax for once but I’m losing motivation.

I’m making the mistake I think of not doing one area at a time ? As in I’ll think ‘oh I’m in the kitchen the foods cooking il do that one drawer’ then later ‘dc in the bath , I’ll sit here by the door decluttering the books’ or ‘dc watching CBeebies so I’ll declutter the toys in the playroom’ and I just don’t do one job at a time so every room is partially done .

Any tips ? Or something that will motivate me as it’s Sunday and I just want to sit down but I know I have to get on and declutter more and I’m exhausted

@Breathmiller that’s what I did last week ! I put away my summer stuff under the bed , I also got rid of a lot of it as I was keeping stuff that ‘might fit again one day’ and it was from 6 years ago so I got rid of a huge amount. I’ve got a space for another large storage box as well but not sure what I’ll put in that one but it’s good to know I have that space if I need it. Previously under the bed was so bad not even spiders wanted to live there (that was a job I dreaded as fully expected a few big ones esp this time of year but no it seems they have standards!)

Aim to get the living room cleared and decorated by Christmas.

Well done OP on tackling this! This has turned into a mammoth post so I apologise!

Maybe borrowing a concept from other fields (sport/habit-building) will help. We can't rely on motivation to do anything for a long chunk of time! Motivation is a short-lived fuel; it's there to get us started, but after that, we have to rely on a couple of things: discipline; habit, and deferred gratification, knowing the end result WILL be worth it even though it doesn't feel like it!

Think of this like the gym: you've been going 4-5 days a week solidly, and you felt great, but now the novelty has worn off completely, and you have no motivation, so it's all about those other three things.

Could you set yourself two slots a week that are decluttering time? And that's it? It's a habit, but it's manageable, so it won't feel like "Oh I should be doing this but it's so unfair, it's Sunday!". Do it on say a Tuesday morning before work for an hour, and then a Thursday evening, or just two hours on a Sunday. You still deserve relaxation time! The habit will be there, it will be less overwhelming and you might have less guilt.

Can you write down on a lovely piece of paper, five benefits of working through this process? What will you gain by doing it? Look at that when it feels too much.

On the wardrobe thing, could I make a suggestion? Not sure how feasible, but if you have a spare room... Set aside two hours. Completely empty your wardrobe, and have a few boxes/bin liners/containers for different categories for EVERYTHING! Work clothes/casual/underwear/accessories. Take a tiny capsule wardrobe of your favourite/most-worn things, back into the wardrobe (depending on your needs, eg if you need more work clothes because you have professional job). Everything else goes in the spare room for now. Once a week, take an hour or two to just do one of those spare room boxes/bags, and only put back in what you love. Anything else goes Donate/Recycle/Regift/Sell. Repeat until you've done all categories. That's how I would do it if I had your wardrobe problem; it's too much taking away from something very full, bit by bit, but building something from an empty wardrobe, you'll feel psychologically better and will be able to be more ruthless.

Good luck and keep plodding on! It will be so worth it and you should be really proud

You are doing so well! I know it can be overwhelming. I've helped friends and the thing I always say it's not about getting rid of stuff it is keeping the important stuff.

I think I would try to do one room at a time. But it is a process so I would do as much as you can and then revisit it later on.

Well done! Sounds like you've made great steps to clearing your house and your head. It's hard with a baby as well, I agree getting some help would make it a lot easier - either friends/family or a professional if you can afford it.
Definitely focus on one area at a time. A clear living room will make a big difference and inspire you to work in the next area. You'll have an area to escape to and can look forward to putting up a Christmas tree for baby's first Christmas.

I feel excited for you! I’d do another wardrobe cull. It’s always nice to think someone else will get use out of the discarded clothing. Take to a charity shop and donate. Shoes are great to cull, get rid of anything dusty, means you don’t wear them enough!
Good luck

Another well down from me it's an amazing start.

As you've identified moving forwards focus on one room at a time, the living room and then your bedroom would be my advice because then you have 2 calm clutter free room.

You and DH could do an hour evening together after the DC are in bed - doesn't have to be every day but again it's progress.

I am naturally a very untidy person but every 6-12 months I blitz my bedroom and then it's easier to keep on top of the floor drobe and it feels so so much nicer.

I am fortunate as DH is very tidy so he was always on board to do the DC toys and general house stuff.

With toys we only kept what was really loved and well played with to hand down to the younger ones, same with DC clothes what was in very good condition and I knew would fit the younger ones - I had 2 that are super super slim.

I think I read you had DC. Us too - in terms of clothes we had very little each and did a load of laundry every day and dried it overnight/24 hours. As much as possible was hung direct onto clothes hangers to dry with just pants and socks in the tumble dryer. No ironing and straight up into the wardrobes from where they were drying.

No baskets of clean washing or waiting to be ironed laying around. The DC helped with sock sorting playing match and making piles of pants from a very young age.

That really reduced stress, they had clothes that they loved to wear and choice but it wasn't over whelming for them or us.

Op I'd do the living room today as others have said I'd redo the wardrobes but that can wait until after Christmas.

I try and declutter every cupboard annually. It's an on going process. As much as it's tempting to have stuff you'll slim into but remember fashions change and you might want new stuff when you've lost a load of weight.
The place clutter gathers in my house is the kitchen worktops.

You are doing fab to get rid of bags of stuff daily.

Keep going
3 or 4 bags a day will surely make a difference soon. I agree with one room looking lovely. Good clean and candles on once dh in bed will motivate you

I think I only have motivational tips to offer as I am on a similar path but at a slower pace because of energy deficits associated with Chronic illness.

1. a tracker of how many bags have left somewhere you can add a cross, or take a photo of things leaving so you can see the volumes going. (Gamification of effort) you can also play along with things like the minimalism game- but that sounds like too small beer for you.

2. have a vision of how you want to feel in the space/ what your ambition is from declutter is. It’d be good if you have pictures which motivate you. Use this when you’re struggling to remember why.

3. pomodoro timing. Use the 20 min timer on your phone to make a start. Then 40. Chunking up time can sometimes make starting easier.

Good luck and you’ve got this!

I'm the same. I'm not a hoarder (often we think we are but we just have a lot of 'stuff' ) I find a lot of my issues with letting stuff go is logistics. Charity will often restrict you to 1-2 bags, you can't just bag up and take to the tip any more because it has to be categorised. Bin collections restricted too. Not just that it's wasteful to tip good items and bad for the environment. So I just end up with shite still looking at me.
I think the best solution for me is to recycle as much as possible and get a Hippo Bag. The best recompense to the environment for me will be not to get into the same situation in the future.
I don't buy fast fashion any more. I am buying soap instead of shower gels. I'm not driving for 'fun' anymore only for work which I cannot avoid.
If you are in SE Wales OP I'd be happy to help

OP,
I read this book and it changed my life:

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo

It allowed me to give myself permission to let go of so much stuff I have been holding; for all sorts of reason - sentimental, financial, practical etc. And it has great strategies which worked for me of how to declutter.

ie. don’t work room by room. Work item type by type. For examples, with your clothing, go through the house and collect your clothing - (from laundry, bedroom, lounge room etc) put all your dresses in a pile, jumpers in a separate pile, tshirts in a pile - and be prepared to be shocked at how many of each clothing item you have. Select from said piles only the items you absolutely love, currently for you, and that you have definitely worn in the last 6-12 months. Everything else throw.

This helped me a lot.

Good luck with your decluttering. Once you get there, you will feel lightness and ease from the weight of stuff being emptied out of your life

Thanks OP, you've motivated me to get started on our disaster of a spare room today. We moved in January and stuff got dumped in there that needed to go to charity/freecycle etc. The more that goes in the more I avoid it.

We've never had a spare room before, I had visions of a beautiful guest room. It's not. Even DS said the other day looks like grandma isn't coming to stay over any time soon

He didn't want to move and that was one of the positives we used for him. I need to do this for him and keep my vision of my guest room in my head!

I think decluttering in a scattergun approach is ok if it means you are actually doing it. I downsized, took everything with me then had nowhere to put it, so every cupboard was chock full. I wrote a list of every room, but I do work well with a list. I had every room written in terms of the space: bedside drawers, drawers 1-5, under bed etc and ticked off a space when it was empty sorted.
The biggest thing for me was making sure I didn't add new shit to the existing shit. When post comes in, deal with it immediately rather than dumping it in a pile or stashing it somewhere. Don't keep things to be put in a charity bag in cupboards until you have chance to get rid of it. Don't hang onto stuff just in case. Be ruthless about the things you know you absolutely don't need. It does take ages but once spaces become emptier, it is so rewarding. Just don't fill them back up!

Well done. Decluttered when we moved after twenty years downsizing too. Did one Room at a time. Husband still mutters about stuff he had to give up.

I shall winterize my wardrobe today you've inspired me thanks

Excellent post @TrueRefuge

I think the idea of just putting a capusle wardrobe in and boxing the rest to be done a bit at a time is an excellent idea if your clothes are still overwhelming you.

Also think doing the living room for Christmas is a great goal.

We are in the process of a lot of building work so whole sections of our house are a disaster, but I've found if I can have a nice area, even if its only part of a room done, with my comfy reading chair, my lamp, a clear coffee table with just a nice cuppa and a scented candle on it (my dcs are older, obv that would be madness with a toddler) and a nice bit of music on in the background then I still have a cosy relaxing nook and the rest doesn't bother me so much!

@anotherDayofThis

I feel your pain. I've got to move in 6 weeks and have 3 years of clutter to organise / get rid of.

You've inspired me to start with a wardrobe clear out today.

Well done OP! I did similar a few years ago. It looked like nothing was happening despite all the work, but then there were suddenly clear spaces.
I promise you, life is much easier with less stuff!
At the beginning I found www.flylady.net extremely helpful (I love the baby-step approach, and the use of timers) I still use a lot of the strategies as they are ingrained now.
I also really enjoy www.becomingminimalist.com

Scattergun approach works well for me.

Marie Kondo is great for people with big houses and stuff spread through multiple rooms.
Reailty in the UK 90% of people have all their clothes in one wardrobe and t-shirts etc in a chest of drawers. I have no need to tip my wardrobe and drawers on to the bed at the same time.
But she does make sense when it comes to not being sentimental about stuff.

Theres an app called unfuck my habitat that I found great when I did this.

If you’re feeling blank it will set you timered challenges depending on how long you’ve got. 5, 10, 30 mins etc

You can also make your own detailed lists of what needs done and it encourages you to upload before and after pics so you can actually SEE your progress not just what is still left!

Add in stuff you’ve already done so you can start with some wins listed

😂😂😂

They’ve changed it to be more socially acceptable

apps.apple.com/gb/app/unfilth-your-habitat/id542909191

I wish I could adjust this setting on real life people

Going forward, hopefully decluttering will become ongoing.

It's really helpful as they grow up.

As others have said, it is a marathon not a sprint.

Tipe I have:

Post and junk mail

Handle your post ONCE and ONCE only.

Junk mail goes straight in recycling box.
Get a shredder, anything with your address on it goes straight into the shredder (guard against IK theft).

Bills which are unpaid maybe go on your desk 'to do' pile.

This rule of not handling things twice is kind of a hard habit to cultivate, but a really useful one.

Also what someone else has said about becoming more aware of the things you bring into the house.

If you have the space, have three boxes which you can use to declutter one space at a time:

1. Charity shop
2. Rubbish (black bin bag)
3. Recycling.

I do admire you, decluttering is a potentially really hard thing to do in emotional terms. But with kids it is also probably one of the most useful things you could do.

Keep going.

And don't forget to reward yourself when you've done a bit.

I'm constantly decluttering. Each new lap of the house is easier and faster than the last one. I like the mumsnetter who said that rather than think of Marie Kondo's profound gratitude for each item that it is more helpful to think, 'can i be arsed to pick this up and tidy it away another day'? It certainly helps me get things cleared out. The thought of tripping over the random bit of crap another time.

I'm back on the decluttering since I have a cupboard and a downstairs loo I can't get into.
I found clutterbug recently on YouTube I quite like her. She talks through the specific attachments to crap quite well.