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Original poster

I’m struggling with decluttering after hoarding for over 10 years

108 replies

anotherDayofThis · 17/10/2021 09:23

I was a hoarder and started trying to sort my home out over a year ago.

Had a break as had a baby during lockdown and since august I’ve restarted the effort and I am exhausted!

There’s too much stuff !!!! Every DAY I’m getting rid of approx 3-4 bin bags full. I’m seeing no improvement yet and I’m so desperate to get it done by nov so that I can then decorate for Xmas and relax for once but I’m losing motivation.

I’m making the mistake I think of not doing one area at a time ? As in I’ll think ‘oh I’m in the kitchen the foods cooking il do that one drawer’ then later ‘dc in the bath , I’ll sit here by the door decluttering the books’ or ‘dc watching CBeebies so I’ll declutter the toys in the playroom’ and I just don’t do one job at a time so every room is partially done .

Any tips ? Or something that will motivate me as it’s Sunday and I just want to sit down but I know I have to get on and declutter more and I’m exhausted

OP posts:
Pumasonsatsumas · 17/10/2021 11:33

I like the Mari Kondo approach of sorting by type rather than room. So do all the clothes, then all the books, then all the toiletries, etc.

Original poster
anotherDayofThis · 17/10/2021 11:39

Thankyou so much everyone I’m reading this while I have an enforced break (baby needed feeding and a nap!)
I had managed to get a big corner of the living room done and have found and sorted what seemed like 7000 various chargers and plugs most for items we don’t even have anymore !!

OP posts:
flowersmakeitbetter · 17/10/2021 11:42

There's no right way so don't overthink it.

Just do a bit every day. Maybe set an alarm for 30 minutes? Use that as the minimum amount of time each day.

It took you 10 years to get to this point so it stands to reason it's going to take you a little while to get sorted. You just need to keep going.

Tickledtrout · 17/10/2021 11:43

@anotherDayofThis

I think doing my wardrobes has confused me…they were full to the point of creaking. I’ve got rid of approx 10 bin bags of stuff and they are still full 🤦‍♀️ Not creaking anymore but full so I feel like I’ve put in so much time and energy and still not seeing the big results I wanted
Ok. What would success here look like for you? Can you say what you would be happy with? Is it a wardrobe with outfits ready to wear, for example? Do you need to vacuum pack up summer clothes for example. Or work clothes? Maternity wardrobe?
Tickledtrout · 17/10/2021 11:44

@anotherDayofThis

Thankyou so much everyone I’m reading this while I have an enforced break (baby needed feeding and a nap!) I had managed to get a big corner of the living room done and have found and sorted what seemed like 7000 various chargers and plugs most for items we don’t even have anymore !!
That's a great morning's work
Original poster
anotherDayofThis · 17/10/2021 11:47

@Tickledtrout I think success for me would be a home I feel relaxed in , that just doesn’t have piles of clutter on every surface and where I can actually open drawers and cupboards and they aren’t overflowing with rubbish.

I’d like to have a capsule wardrobe definitely as i usually wear the same outfits in Rotation anyway but I’d made the mistake of getting other things for when i lost weight/looked better/felt better/went out but then those occasions haven’t happened so I have a lot of new clothes that represent goals I didn’t achieve and that is a bit depressing

OP posts:
Rina66 · 17/10/2021 11:51

I watched lots of Marie Kondo on Netflix in lockdown. Whilst I think she's quite extreme, I do think the spark joy thing she does is a good idea. I'm trying to apply it now when I'm buying clothes, if I don't get the 'feeling' I don't buy it.

It's so hard letting go of things, but you feel so good once it's done and it's surprising how little you miss stuff - I've found the key for me is not buying so much and being much more considered whether that's clothes, make up, toiletries, home bits, food or alcohol.

Original poster
anotherDayofThis · 17/10/2021 11:51

One thing I have realised throughout this is that for all the years I was hoarding and disorganised and making no effort to clear it dh didn’t pressure me and now that I am doing it he has taken over the other household jobs plus looking after dc when he’s not working to allow me to declutter and get it done. In a way as frustrating as the process is it’s been made very clear to me how much he is supporting me and I think maybe I’d taken him for granted before unintentionally

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 17/10/2021 11:56

I’ve put in so much time and energy and still not seeing the big results I wanted

Imagine all those bin bags piled up on your drive.

YeOldeTrout · 17/10/2021 11:57

One room at a time would give you benefit of sooner sorting that room and seeing that you CAN do this. Marie Kondo categories within each room?

coodawoodashooda · 17/10/2021 11:59

@SoupDragon

I’ve put in so much time and energy and still not seeing the big results I wanted

Imagine all those bin bags piled up on your drive.

Yeah i love to do that on the way to the dump.
guessmyusername · 17/10/2021 12:01

I have found doing a bit or area at a time soon mounts up. We started during first lockdown but apart from the tip we struggled to find anywhere to take stuff (eg charity shops were closed) so we had a bit of a break. But earlier this year we decided to move next year so have a bit of time and working slowly round the house. Only a couple of areas to go. It is a lovely sense of achievement when it looks tidy!

coodawoodashooda · 17/10/2021 12:05

The best part is that it makes daily household tasks so much more manageable.

Tickledtrout · 17/10/2021 12:16

[quote anotherDayofThis]@Tickledtrout I think success for me would be a home I feel relaxed in , that just doesn’t have piles of clutter on every surface and where I can actually open drawers and cupboards and they aren’t overflowing with rubbish.

I’d like to have a capsule wardrobe definitely as i usually wear the same outfits in Rotation anyway but I’d made the mistake of getting other things for when i lost weight/looked better/felt better/went out but then those occasions haven’t happened so I have a lot of new clothes that represent goals I didn’t achieve and that is a bit depressing[/quote]
You're certainly not alone in that. Are you selling these unworn gems on?
There's a bit of guilt and regret in the stories you tell about yourself here. Self blame isn't your friend here. Maybe all these unworn clothes show your dreams and ambitions. Not just for a certain body or events but a longing for confidence, self esteem etc. Can you imagine how you work on these in ways that don't involve buying clothes ( and forgive yourself here too, as many of us are guilty of buying an outfit to look the part or boost our confidence).
You're allowed to feel a bit dissatisfied and disappointed with life- even with a great DH and a lovely baby- without being a bad person.
How much help are you getting with the emotional side of hoarding and decluttering?

Original poster
anotherDayofThis · 17/10/2021 12:21

Not selling just taking to charity shops. I feel like selling stuff holds me back as soon often people dont turn up then I have these items in the house still and I need to get rid of things quickly.

Emotionally whilst ive had no help I’m trying to only keep really sentimental stuff not just all of it and I’ve been taking photos of some things so I still have the memory of it but not the bulk of stuff.
I do think a lot of the hoarding was from when I had a very bad few years (hence the regret / guilt) so getting rid of these things is definitely making me feel better

OP posts:
PennyWus · 17/10/2021 12:22

Have you watched the Anne Marie Kondo series on Netflix? That would really make you motivated, I think!

Good luck with the decluttering. I'm currently facing sorting out my mum's stuff, as she has recently died, and it seems like a HUGE amount of work. What to keep, what to chuck, what to find new homes for, what to bother trying to sell. I figure, I'm going to do a little bit at a time, like you, and then just remind myself I'm only human, and the deadlines I've set myself are only MY deadlines, so not to beat myself up about it. All progress is progress, however small.

Iheartbaby · 17/10/2021 12:22

I think your method is good if you don’t have much time, if you keep doing little bits while cooking or your child is in the bath it really does start to make a difference.

Soon your child will be in the bath and you will realise there isn’t a drawer or anything to do because you have done more than you realised.

Also don’t bring anything new into the house in the next few months, apart from Christmas presents.

It sounds like your making really good progress although it doesn’t feel like it, just do something everyday, even while the kettle is boiling.

Lockdownbear · 17/10/2021 12:23

Op your doing well. Definitely focus on one room. 2-3 bags of stuff a day is a lot of stuff, but their must be some satisfaction knowing that stuff has gone.

Once things are more manageable it will get easier. I'm definitely on the decluttering is an on going process, especially with kids who accumulate stuff.
You have a young baby, they take over the house, baby stuff, bouncers, cribs, toys, sterilisers, something of theirs in every room.

tortoiselover100 · 17/10/2021 12:24

I recommend reading Marie kondos the magic art of tidying. It's the most motivational book ever! I couldn't get the stuff out of my house quick enough x

Custardslice3 · 17/10/2021 12:28

Well done for what you've achieved - from one hoarder to another I can completely empathise and think it's amazing that you've got to the place where you are getting this done, and being supported your DH with it. I've been listening to a podcast called 'A Slob Comes Clean' which I find quite helpful. I put it on as I'm sorting to keep me motivated and pick up some little tips along the way.

SoupDragon · 17/10/2021 12:29

I prefer to do bits of each room when I happen to be in there as it doesn't seem like so much of a chore then - it's just filling in time.

You need to find the method that works for you and stick to it. Eg. personally I hated Marie Kondo. It didn't inspire me at all, just made me roll my eyes.

SoupDragon · 17/10/2021 12:31

I also had a "done" list rather than a "to do" list which seemed more positive to my mindset.

Lockdownbear · 17/10/2021 12:41

@SoupDragon glad I'm not alone in not liking the Marie Kondo method.

I watched her on netflix but it was a bit Hmm to me. Some of it makes sense like don't hang onto stuff because it was a gift.

But I much prefer when did I last wear it, when will I next where it, if the answer is Gawd knows, its time for it to go.

Op one reason it might not feel decluttered is much of your clutter I'd hidden in cupboards. Have you got more cupboards than you need?

DH is a nightmare for we're running out of space, buy more storage rather than, let's clear out.

VeronicaBeccabunga · 17/10/2021 12:50

I make a little diary note of things donated, so it makes me feel like I'm a generous benefactor rather than hanging on to things anxiously 'just in case' . You could add photos to remind you of the volume of stuff you have moved on.

For example my recent list goes:
Two bags of clothes to Oxfam shop.
Lots of crafts bits and pieces to nursery.
Big box of books to hospice shop.

I find people thanking me for my cast-offs very gratifying and confirms that I'm doing the right thing.

MyPatronusIsAPenguin · 17/10/2021 12:52

Another one here who doesn't like Marie Kondo or Mrs Hinch. In fact any posts that mentioned her I immediately skipped Grin