Last night I dreamt that Sarah Vine had taken up vlogging... tell me about your dreams about public figures!

[ShivFuckingRoy]

She had a new boyfriend and he was in the vlog along with her children. I thought it was a bit weird she was suddenly putting her children on the internet. She was into vintage stationery.

I promise I’ve only read 1 or 2 articles by her, she doesn’t need a restraining order against me.

Please make me feel less mad!

Had this one over the summer when I was taking some strong antibiotics:

I discovered that Peter Kay was my secret uncle and that he had been away from the public eye because he had become a devout Muslim. He was living in a caravan and when I went to visit him he invited me to go to the mosque with him. When we got there he handed me a bright green dress to change into and said that all Muslim women wear green in the mosque. I wasn’t sure that this was true but did it anyway. When I got to the bit where the women sit I found that there was no space, so I stood in a little corridor with John Lennon and Elton John, who both said that Peter Kay/my uncle had invited them too.

At the end of prayers in the mosque Elton and John were invited up on stage, where they sang a cracking version of ‘Benny and the Jets’ that Segwayed into ‘Lady Madonna’.

The fact that John Lennon has been dead for 40 years didn’t factor into my dream. I had been reading a book about The Beatles but as for Peter Kay and Elton, no idea why they were involved!

I dreamed that Donald Trump ejaculated over my shoes.

I had rejected his advances and my punishment was to sit on a wooden chair in front of him and let him do that

Thankfully it was a short dream.

I dreamt Denise Welch told me off for smoking in my caravan. (I don't smoke and I don't have a caravan)

Also Stephen Fry and I larked around on the ramparts, during a wedding at a castle. He promised to give me his personal mobile number but never did, and every time I see him on TV, I feel a bit let down.

Finally, I was in the way of Scottish actor Bill Paterson because I was doing my hair with GHD's, in the doorway of a tiny old fashioned shop in a harbour side village and he was trying to get out.

At the end of prayers in the mosque Elton and John were invited up on stage, where they sang a cracking version of ‘Benny and the Jets’ that Segwayed into ‘Lady Madonna’.

Cracking!

Laiste that’s horrific. I’m truly sorry.

I dreamt that I saw Jeff Bezos outside Morrisons and he wanted me to pop in and buy him a meal deal.

I was in London and saw Rob Brydon outside his house. He greeted me by name and asked me not to mention it on social media. I agreed obviously.
Then I woke up.

I’ve told this before
I had the most awful nightmare that it was my birthday (it wasn’t but at the time it was about a week away)
Donald trump climbed up a ladder into my bedroom,clutching a cake
I blew the candles out and he undid his trousers and took his ‘little Donald’ out
I woke up just in time not to give him a bj

My fella really didn’t have to laugh quite so hard…

I am a bit disturbed at the relatively high frequency of Donald Trump sex dreams.

I know! They are disturbing but very on brand for him.

I had a dream the other night that I was at a buffet with Larry David and Ted Danson. I had to squeeze past Larry to get to the food, and I wondered if he would use the incident in a "Curb Your Enthusiasm" sketch!