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Original poster

How do you make small talk for hours on end?

27 replies

PackedintheUK · 15/10/2021 22:43

I have a long day tomorrow in the company of a man I don't know particularly well. He's nice enough and easy enough to chat to in passing, but for 8 hours +?

How would you expect things to go once we get past how are the kids and what's happening at work?

OP posts:

MrsRobbieHart · 15/10/2021 22:46

What is the context of the day? Wedding? Work event? Will you be alone with him all day?

craftyminer · 15/10/2021 22:48

I bet you'll end up finding common ground and the chat will flow naturally and go from topic to topic

Needtostopfretting · 15/10/2021 22:50

There's plenty going on in the world to talk about right now..

Original poster

PackedintheUK · 15/10/2021 22:51

It was a rash decision to go to an entertainment event with someone I hardly know because neither of us knew anyone else who wanted to go.

There'll be other people there but we won't be "with" them.

We'll be entertained for part of it, but there's also a long drive and food, about 4 hours in total just us.

OP posts:

GrandmasCat · 15/10/2021 22:52

Remember you are not there to entertain him or feel the silence with chit chat, he may not appreciate it either. Just be yourself, talk when you feel like it and listen.

You can also try to make him do the talking with a very simple technique: just repeat the last phrase he said and he will keep going. Never fails.

RubyFowler · 15/10/2021 22:52

I would think you'll talk about whatever it is you're doing together? Or will spend some time quietly getting on with whatever it is. I think we need a bit more info to say.

RubyFowler · 15/10/2021 22:53

@RubyFowler

I would think you'll talk about whatever it is you're doing together? Or will spend some time quietly getting on with whatever it is. I think we need a bit more info to say.

Sorry I see you've updated in the time it took me to post.

MrsRobbieHart · 15/10/2021 22:54

Meh. Just let there be silences. You don’t have to fill them.

LadyLolaRuben · 15/10/2021 22:58

I find picking general topics, weather, films, holidays that lead me to telling one story onto another like my worst holiday ever and then I bad flight home I once had. Then asking if they've had similar experiences. Topics in the news e.g. asking for views on them. Anything you're doing at the time really, link it into general conversation. So if you're having a cup of tea I'd start by talking about how earl grey is nice and asking if they like it. If you see something as your walking past I'd say "that reminds me of a time when..." Threads that have been on here may be good for ideas. I love chatting! Good luck

nicecheesegromit · 15/10/2021 23:01

Take a playlist for the car. Talking about music is always a good one for me

Remember, people love talking about themselves- so if there is an awkward silence "What was your best holiday?", "Where did you grow up?" Etc

HeddaGarbled · 15/10/2021 23:03

I wouldn’t expect to talk throughout a long drive. The driver will need to concentrate some of the time and someone rabbiting on for hours without stopping will do their head in. Be quiet, or put some music on.

Over a meal, however, small talk can develop into big talk if both parties are willing.

FlowerArranger · 15/10/2021 23:05

Remember that there is no law that decrees that you have to talk during the entire time of a long drive. He'll probably appreciate a period of silence.

WhiskyXray · 15/10/2021 23:10

@nicecheesegromit

Take a playlist for the car. Talking about music is always a good one for me

Remember, people love talking about themselves- so if there is an awkward silence "What was your best holiday?", "Where did you grow up?" Etc

This reminds me of the conversation cards the couple order at the restaurant in The Meaning of Life.😬

It would be a rare person who could tolerate being asked such banal open-ended questions for hours on end.

MrsGatsby99 · 15/10/2021 23:15

Great suggestions here but it may be my Friday night tiredness talking but this all sounds a bit like too much hard work. Yes, you have to do some work to keep a conversation going but he has to do at least half the work. So, don't be afraid of some silences. Think of it like a gane of ping pong or tennis, you play a shot but he has to play it back. I have one nice but incredibly quiet friend when you end up having to do all the conversational legwork, it can be exhausting and i ended up feeling that he thought i was quite silly with my inane talk. On a long car journey, i decided not to talk to him until he spoke first, it took an hour. He was very taken aback by me and actually had to think of something to say.
Comfortable silences are the best though and then a few nice chats and comments. That is what i now have with DH.

Hope it goes well, OP, but don't feel under too much pressure.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 16/10/2021 01:58

Podcast for the car journey - then you can always talk about that if you get stuck.

Namechangeforone · 16/10/2021 02:12

Why small talk? Why not talk about actual real things? So much more interesting. And also a podcast for an hour

immersivereader · 16/10/2021 02:46

Just pretend to sleep?

arcof · 16/10/2021 02:55

Just ask him a lot of questions. If you hardly know him there's a lot of ground to cover.

Bloodybridget · 16/10/2021 03:22

Maybe the bloke will turn out to be like a very good friend of mine, who tells stories in the most long-winded way ever, with many a diversion and unnecessary detail. If so, all you'll need to do is grit your teeth.

ApolloandDaphne · 16/10/2021 06:19

@immersivereader

Just pretend to sleep?

We don't know that the OP isn't driving!

I would chat about the places you are passing, the weather, music if the radio is on, what he watches on TV (always good if you find things you have both watched). I am good at small talk so I can probably think of loads of things. If I don't know someone well I ask what their interests are. Remember you can offer back some things about yourself.

Underamour · 16/10/2021 08:00

Have you tried conversation threading?

Here’s an example “We’re off to the supermarket on Friday to get some bits”

You have several
“Threads” you can link to
“Oooh do you have anything exciting planned for the weekend?”
“Which supermarket do you go to? I hear there’s a new xxxx opening near you”
“How is your wife? I met her back in 2019 at the xxx gala.”

So you’ve picked up on the “we” the “Frisay” and the “supermarket “ to start a conversation with.

I like chatting rubbish about anything because you can talk for hours and hours about it so I might talk about current events/ shared memories or past I know they would relate to/ attempt to bond and have a laugh.

YouTubeAddict · 16/10/2021 11:02

Definitely don’t talk the whole way through the drive. This is the reason I often don’t accompany my husband to pick up DSS. Love DSS but the little chap will sometimes talk literally none stop, hardly taking a breath for two hours straight. It’s actually quite draining. I end up putting in my earphones when he does that. He’s 11 btw so more than old enough to know it’s ok to have silences. Sometimes it’s ok to just chill.

Original poster

PackedintheUK · 16/10/2021 22:01

Well I'm just home after setting ot at 1pm. We had a really lovely day. I couldn't tell you what we talked about and there were a few silences but it was all good

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 17/10/2021 00:08

Ah, bless you for up-dating - glad it went well 🙂

Bloodybridget · 17/10/2021 04:36

Great!

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