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Original poster

Is this really cheeky or how it should be?

77 replies

PackedintheUK · 15/10/2021 15:38

New father has chosen not to take paternity leave now, but to take it as two separate weeks later in the year. (Teacher, will attach each week to a half term holiday).

That's fine and within the legislation.

However he's also insisting he has the right to attend all midwife appointments and in these early days, they are very frequent. I think I was visited daily to begin with?

Right that he should be given the time off for them or no, his wife will have to attend alone.

School does usually allow "reasonable" time off to attend medical appointments for children, but staff don't generally ask for routine things when there's another parent at home. Maybe they should?

OP posts:
Original poster
PackedintheUK · 15/10/2021 15:39

Sorry, I should have said he was given time for all appointments before the birth, but this is different?

OP posts:
audersandbaby · 15/10/2021 15:39

Sounds like how it should be to me!

Bluntness100 · 15/10/2021 15:40

I think it’s fine and his wife may need support, I would not stop a new father providing that.

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Original poster
PackedintheUK · 15/10/2021 15:42

@Bluntness100

I think it’s fine and his wife may need support, I would not stop a new father providing that.
Isn't that why he should take the PL now, if that's what they want? He' ll effectively get another 10 days of leave.

Maybe just sensible use of the system, but I don't think that's how it's intended to be used.

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 15/10/2021 15:45

I don't think it's a legal entitlement and this suggests that he was only entitled to attend 2 antenatal appts with no mention of postnatal ones: maternityaction.org.uk/advice/rights-at-work-for-fathers-and-partners/

It would be nice if he could be there, but it depends on the disruption it would cause to his workload as to whether its practical to agree to the time off.

Rosesareyellow · 15/10/2021 15:47

I agree with you OP - that’s what paternity leave is for. I’ve never heard of someone taking it later in the year. Makes about as much sense as going back to work straight after birth if you’re the mother and then taking it for a year when your child is older Hmm

SmellyOldOwls · 15/10/2021 15:47

Sure you never know what time the midwife is calling out, he'd be better off taking a week now and another week later.

SmellyOldOwls · 15/10/2021 15:48

And how is he going to manage to be there for the birth? A lot of times the first week of paternity leave is spent sitting around during induction/the first stages of labour etc

IDontThinkSoNo · 15/10/2021 15:49

Time off for partners is to attend ante natal
Appts not post natal appts

IDontThinkSoNo · 15/10/2021 15:49

@SmellyOldOwls

Sure you never know what time the midwife is calling out, he'd be better off taking a week now and another week later.
That’s not allowed, it has to be taken in one Block
LolaSmiles · 15/10/2021 15:50

He cam apply for the appointments as leave of absence and it's separate from his paternity leave.

Really we should be happy there are men who want to be getting involved in family life. The more men who do, the more we'll start to break down the increasing divide between men and womrn once children come in the picture.

Original poster
PackedintheUK · 15/10/2021 15:50

@SmellyOldOwls

And how is he going to manage to be there for the birth? A lot of times the first week of paternity leave is spent sitting around during induction/the first stages of labour etc
No it's not, paternity leave doesn't start until baby is born. This baby has been born.
OP posts:
TakeYourFinalPosition · 15/10/2021 15:50

I’m not sure that daily postnatal visits are the norm - or at least, I’ve been told to expect a midwife the day after birth and that there may be another visit on day 5; but nobody has mentioned more than that?

Otherwise, it’s as @DysmalRadius said, there’s a legal entitlement to attend the two major antenatal appointments, but not for postnatal ones.

Rosesareyellow · 15/10/2021 15:51

And how is he going to manage to be there for the birth? A lot of times the first week of paternity leave is spent sitting around during induction/the first stages of labour etc

No it’s not. Who can time their labour like that? Men don’t have to stay in work when their partner is in labour because they haven’t booked leave Confused

LolaSmiles · 15/10/2021 15:51

That’s not allowed, it has to be taken in oneBlock
Not if the couple choose to structure their leave using Shared Parental Leave.

He'd actually be entitled to take several blocks of several weeks if the couple chose to.

BeMoreHedgehog · 15/10/2021 15:52

He has no right to be at the midwife checks and I would actually be concerned that he maybe won’t “allow” his wife to have visits whilst he is not present.

IDontThinkSoNo · 15/10/2021 15:53

@LolaSmiles

That’s not allowed, it has to be taken in oneBlock Not if the couple choose to structure their leave using Shared Parental Leave.

He'd actually be entitled to take several blocks of several weeks if the couple chose to.

Yes but op talks about 2 weeks paternity leave, not shared parental leave, they’re 2 completely different things
Rosesareyellow · 15/10/2021 15:54

I wouldn’t have needed support for midwife appointments - you need support all the rest of the time when you’re getting used to being with and caring for your new born. Not taking the first two weeks off is ridiculous - sounds like he’s just saving the time off to suit him later, his partner isn’t going to need that level of support when the baby is a couple of weeks or months old will she?

haggischaser · 15/10/2021 15:54

My daughter has had a baby recently
She had a midwife visit day 2 and day 5
That was it

LolaSmiles · 15/10/2021 15:57

Yes but op talks about 2 weeks paternity leave, not shared parental leave, they’re 2 completely different things
They are, but I know a lot of people who have used shared parental leave still spoke about maternity / paternity leave in conversation.

If the school are allowing 2 blocks either side of a half term then it sounds like it's being done under SPL.

2Two · 15/10/2021 16:04

No entitlement for the father to be there at postnatal midwife visits. If he wants that, he needs to take leave.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 15/10/2021 16:05

This suggests that if 2 weeks leave are taken they must be consecutive and it is only 2 antenatal appointments that leave can be claimed for not postnatal. www.gov.uk/employers-paternity-pay-leave

MiloAndEddie · 15/10/2021 16:07

How many post natal checks are there? I don’t remember there being many.
I would’ve needed help for the day 5 one because it was the other side of town and I’d had a CS so couldn’t drive. Otherwise I could’ve done the rest by myself.

MoreAloneTime · 15/10/2021 16:07

@BeMoreHedgehog

He has no right to be at the midwife checks and I would actually be concerned that he maybe won’t “allow” his wife to have visits whilst he is not present.
That. Unless there is a drip feed coming there is really no need for him to a be at midwife checks.
Aderyn21 · 15/10/2021 16:08

I think he's taking the piss. Admittedly I last had a baby 14 years ago, but the midwife visited every day for a couple of weeks and didn't stick to specific appointment times. He's being a chancer if he expects big chunks of time off for these appointments in addition to paternity leave.