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Original poster

Is this really cheeky or how it should be?

77 replies

PackedintheUK · 15/10/2021 15:38

New father has chosen not to take paternity leave now, but to take it as two separate weeks later in the year. (Teacher, will attach each week to a half term holiday).

That's fine and within the legislation.

However he's also insisting he has the right to attend all midwife appointments and in these early days, they are very frequent. I think I was visited daily to begin with?

Right that he should be given the time off for them or no, his wife will have to attend alone.

School does usually allow "reasonable" time off to attend medical appointments for children, but staff don't generally ask for routine things when there's another parent at home. Maybe they should?

OP posts:
BubblinTrouble · 15/10/2021 16:13

I know a few people who’ve deferred paternity leave. One person did it later on as in the first few weeks MIL was staying so no need to have all the support then. Once MIL left paternity leave started. However these were people in corporate jobs with enhanced paternity leave e.g. 4 weeks off rather than just two. So I know some people move things around.

Mulhollandmagoo · 15/10/2021 16:16

@BeMoreHedgehog @MoreAloneTime

My understanding from the post, is not that he is telling his wife he has the right to be there and she isn't allowed to attend without him, but rather telling his work that even though he has chosen not to take his paternity leave straight away he has the right to take time off to attend with his wife in addition to his paternity leave.

I think he's fine to do that, I think we need to move away from people perceived to be 'taking the piss' by putting their families wellbeing before work, its an incredibly outdated attitude

Bluntness100 · 15/10/2021 16:16

Oh I see what you mean I didn’t realise the baby was born. Yes I think it’s a bit cheeky to delay paternity leave to extend holidays then ask for the time off for all midwife appts.

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MrsRobbieHart · 15/10/2021 16:18

He’s being cheeky. He’s essentially asking for extra paternity leave. Not sure why his wife would need support for post natal midwife visits tbh.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 15/10/2021 16:23

@MrsRobbieHart

He’s being cheeky. He’s essentially asking for extra paternity leave. Not sure why his wife would need support for post natal midwife visits tbh.
Agreed he is being incredibly cheeky. If this was an option then everyone would delay paternity leave and just take the extra days off.

Also agree that midwives don't generally give you a time for postnatal visits. The best I ever got was morning or afternoon but most were just we will be over on Wednesday etc. He could effectively have the whole day off and them not turn up until 5pm so he could have been at work.

Tillysfad · 15/10/2021 16:29

That smacks of extended half term instead of using paternity/maternity leave the way everyone else does (for things like early days when midwife is visiting daily and mum/baby need support).

Women couldn't take parental leave like this. They don't get to tack having a baby onto a half term and make a fortnight of it.

I don't think it's cricket.

ThePlumVan · 15/10/2021 16:33

He’s a CFer and needs to take his PL now, otherwise get back into class and do the job he’s paid for.

No way does she need him at these appointments- this in itself is a bit weird.

SmellyOldOwls · 15/10/2021 16:34

@Rosesareyellow

And how is he going to manage to be there for the birth? A lot of times the first week of paternity leave is spent sitting around during induction/the first stages of labour etc

No it’s not. Who can time their labour like that? Men don’t have to stay in work when their partner is in labour because they haven’t booked leave Confused

Mine always started his PL when I went into hospital for induction Confused
donquixotedelamancha · 15/10/2021 16:36

he's also insisting he has the right to attend all midwife appointments and in these early days, they are very frequent. I think I was visited daily to begin with?

I've never seen a school policy which allows time off to attend other people's medical appointments. Dependent leave at our school is only one paid day a year. It's certainly not STPC.

You just follow whatever your policy is. If this isn't some extra allowance your school has then it's unpaid leave- if you authorise it.

haggischaser · 15/10/2021 16:36

I think if this baby had been born with significant health issues I could understand this

If the wife has PND I'd get that too

Otherwise he's taking the piss

Early appts they get weighed , talk about the colour of poo and how your nipples feel

Not much you can't let DP know when he gets home

SunsetStyle · 15/10/2021 16:41

Midwife calls are for the mother's health. No need for the father to attend.

Aderyn21 · 15/10/2021 16:49

I think we need to move away from people perceived to be 'taking the piss' by putting their families wellbeing before work, its an incredibly outdated attitude

His family's wellbeing doesn't depend on him being there though. He just wants to be there, which isn't the same thing. And for him to be at an unnecessary midwife appointment, someone else will have to cover his job.
People are paid to be at work - fine to take time off for paternity leave or if your child is ill and you need to take them to the Dr. But employers are not unreasonable for wanting you to be at work during the time they are paying you and to not be willing to incur extra costs because the employee would prefer to be elsewhere.

ThePlumVan · 15/10/2021 16:56

‘@haggischaser

I think if this baby had been born with significant health issues I could understand this

If the wife has PND I'd get that too’

I’d this was the case then why delay PL ?

HollowTalk · 15/10/2021 16:57

But if the mother has PND then surely he's better taking the time off now?

I think he's trying it on. He's thinking of having a couple of nice weeks off around half term and he also wants time off now. Being there for the midwife visit is ridiculous. If he wants to talk to the midwife about his wife's depression for instance then he should be off work with his wife now.

miltonj · 15/10/2021 17:00

God knows why the man would need to be there at those post natal home visits. They're to check the woman's stitches, mental health etc and weigh the baby. In fact my husband was sent out of the room! If he wants to be there that frequently in the first two weeks, then he needs to use that as his paternity leave. He obviously just wants holiday later.

HollowTalk · 15/10/2021 17:01

I've a feeling he just fancies a day on the sofa rather than to be there to support his wife.

HollowTalk · 15/10/2021 17:01

Is he generally a lazy arse, OP?

Idontlike · 15/10/2021 17:09

I think he's fine to do that, I think we need to move away from people perceived to be 'taking the piss' by putting their families wellbeing before work, its an incredibly outdated attitude

He is taking the piss though, he had the option to be at home on paternity leave but has chosen to take that at a different time. He can’t have it all his own way.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 15/10/2021 17:20

Some senior teachers were allowed to delay their pl, ordinary teachers were told they had to have them after the birth. But, none of them had leave to attend midwives appointments.
I can’t remember my dh going to midwives appointments, it was about my post natal recovery.

Granllanog · 15/10/2021 17:27

I think he is taking the piss!!!

Why should he expect to be there for every postnatal visit while not using his paternity leave? I had daily home visits for over a week after dd was born..........never knew exactly what time the midwife would be there, she came when she could best fit me in!!

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/10/2021 17:28

@Rosesareyellow

I agree with you OP - that’s what paternity leave is for. I’ve never heard of someone taking it later in the year. Makes about as much sense as going back to work straight after birth if you’re the mother and then taking it for a year when your child is older Hmm
This.
haggischaser · 15/10/2021 17:46

[quote ThePlumVan]‘@haggischaser

I think if this baby had been born with significant health issues I could understand this

If the wife has PND I'd get that too’

I’d this was the case then why delay PL ?[/quote]
True

Was just trying to find a reason why he might feel he needed to attend everything

BeMoreHedgehog · 15/10/2021 17:47

No. Sorry, don’t agree with you. Why on earth does he need to be there whilst the midwife checks stocked/wounds, checks for thrombosis, checks feeding methods and safe sleeping for baby. I trained as a midwife (although I didn’t graduate due to a completely separate issue) and a man insisting on time off to be present for post partum visits would have set alarm bells ringing.

Tilltheend99 · 15/10/2021 19:26

The midwives appointments are not daily. They might have to take the the baby to additional appointments depending on baby’s health and weight gain. If wife had a c section she might need help getting the baby there etc Good on him for taking an interest in his child during first few weeks. There is not enough paternity entitlement in this country. For some reason men are looked down on for taking the full two weeks which is really sexist. I think people should use all benefits they are entitled to .

Tilltheend99 · 15/10/2021 19:32

@BeMoreHedgehog
Normally men take the first two weeks for paternity which is when most of these appointments happen so actually most men are probably in the house when midwife talks about feeding and safe sleep. It’s important information for whoever is a caregiver to the baby. It would be more weird if husband was there but had no interest whatsoever.