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Original poster

How to stop my neighbours intruding my privacy?

61 replies

Earthling1 · 12/10/2021 20:02

My neighbours are lovely people.

They have 3 grown up children.

My neighbours are in their fifties.

They are lovely and sometimes bring us food over.

They are annoying at the same time though. For instance sometimes they call and WhatsApp us. If we don't pick up the phone they will climb over our garden wall ( it's low on the side we share with them) and appear in front of the living room door and knock on the glass. Usually because they want to see our 14 month old son.

I find this incredibly annoying. This happens at all times of the day, even late around 8 pm when we're relaxing, watching Netflix and settling down.

I work full time as well so need the time in the evening to wind down.

Sometimes the living room doesn't look presentable. Sometimes I don't look presentable or I am dressed in a way, which I don't want my neighbours to see.

We never turn up at their house without being explicitly invited.

For instance, the other Saturday morning they came through the garden to my living room door again. They had flowers with them to congratulate me as I'm pregnant again. Obviously lovely, but I was in my morning robe and only was wearing bra and underpants underneath. I felt quite embarrassed.

What should I do? I feel horrible because they are such lovely people and yet I'm pissed off at them. xx

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 12/10/2021 20:03

Plant flowers under that wall and then when they do it next time ask if they need something could they possibly knock on the front door as last time they accidentally damaged the flowers

SpacePotato · 12/10/2021 20:03

Be a big girl and bloody tell them to stop it!

SunLovingMum · 12/10/2021 20:17

Plant prickly bushes or roses where they’re crossing in to you garden in the first into each.

However, you really should speak up. Tell them you’re finding working, motherhood and pregnancy a lot and you need your rest. You’d really appreciate if they’d allow you time to morning / weekend so please refrain from popping over as you feel obligated to host when you really need your rest

BrilloPaddy · 12/10/2021 20:17

They sound very kind, to be fair, but it's a bit cheeky to bang on the window and look in. Time for some blinds or voiles, and to start locking the door.

pinkyredrose · 12/10/2021 20:19

If they're truly nice people then they'll listen when you ask them to stop doing it. It would drive me demented!

WildfirePonie · 12/10/2021 22:23

Get a 6ft fence up asap! That sounds truly unbearable.

Wolfiefan · 12/10/2021 22:25

Delete WhatsApp
Tell them to go home and not to climb over the fence in future.

FictionalCharacter · 13/10/2021 03:10

They’re not lovely, they’re horribly intrusive and don’t respect you. If you don’t want them to get even worse when you have a new baby for their entertainment, assert yourself right now and guard your privacy, and your children’s. What they’re doing is very abnormal and rather sad. They need to find something else to do.

WTF475878237NC · 13/10/2021 03:13

You don't need any flowers as excuses. Just say you appreciate how kind they are but you would prefer them not to come into the garden and to arrange when they come over in advance.

CatonMat · 13/10/2021 03:14

Tell them your doctor has ordered you to rest more.

DownUdderer · 13/10/2021 03:19

They're not bothered with being intrusive and that's rude, they're not respecting normal boundaries. Therefore don't worry about being blunt with them. Hurting their feelings shouldn't be more important than your life being intruded upon.

FluffyWhiteBird · 13/10/2021 03:32

Large fence and trailing plants to train up it as an excuse if you need one.

When they knock, peep round the door, only opening it a few inches and say sorry I can't talk right now I'm not dressed, say you'll text them when you're free for a visit then shut the door. Do this every time it's inconvenient for you. They'll stop doing what they're doing if they don't get the response they want.

Get curtains up so you can draw them morning/evening and they can't see in and assume you're "doing nothing" and free for a visit. Then you can safely ignore them.

Switch phone off a couple hours before bed and until you've had breakfast and got ready for the day, so you're not disturbed by calls etc.

Is your bedroom big enough for a comfortable chair or small sofa? If you escape upstairs for half hour during the day they can't peep in then and see you're home.

Or just be assertive and tell them you usually only have visitors when it's pre planned so you'd like them to only drop by with prior arrangement.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 13/10/2021 05:48

Agree just sat next time that you're exhausted and would get message before they come over to check it's a good time and if it is a good time you'll let them know.

IrishMamaMia · 13/10/2021 05:59

Oh god what a nightmare. Could you send them a firm message asking them not to climb over the wall for starters? This could be followed up by a solicitor's letter if they don't obey.
I would probably stop talking to them unless it's neighbourly business. I need my space.

ApolloandDaphne · 13/10/2021 06:17

Just speak to them. Tell them you are tired due to parenting your young child and being pregnant and you don't want them visiting at ad hoc times. Be firm that
any visits must be pre-planned and not to just turn up if you don't reply to their messages.

Sittinginthesand · 13/10/2021 06:19

Don’t adjust your life because of them. Just say ‘oh hi, thank you for flowers, so kind! I’m really sorry, this is a bit awkward, but would you mind not climbing the wall and stick to using the front door - I find it really embarrassing when I’m half dressed! Would you like to come round at x time?’. If that doesn’t work then say it more firmly. Nice neighbours are very useful so I’d try to remain friendly with them if possible!

Londonlassie12 · 13/10/2021 06:21

Sounds like they see your garden & house as an extension of theirs...

LadyCampanulaTottington · 13/10/2021 06:25

People are calling them insensitive and rude but the OP hasn’t told them she’s unhappy. Are we all expected to be psychic now?! Hmm

Just tell them OP. Explain that as nice as it is that they are friendly, caring and generous, you value your privacy.

Fdksyihfd · 13/10/2021 06:27

Just say nicely to them that you’d rather they didn’t come to your back garden as with the pregnancy you’re often not feeling well. A fence would obviously work too but it’s an expensive way of saying not to do it as that will send a clear message too

Wigglegiggle0520 · 13/10/2021 06:32

@LadyCampanulaTottington

People are calling them insensitive and rude but the OP hasn’t told them she’s unhappy. Are we all expected to be psychic now?! Hmm

Just tell them OP. Explain that as nice as it is that they are friendly, caring and generous, you value your privacy.

It’s incredibly rude to climb into someone’s back garden. You don’t need to be a psychic to realise that.
Andrew2020 · 13/10/2021 06:34

I think you need a new pond that runs the length of the fence, doubly fenced off obviously, to keep your children safe…

Fdksyihfd · 13/10/2021 06:41

@LadyCampanulaTottington I don’t think it really follows that just because they’ve not been asked not to do it then it means it isn’t rude. I don’t need my neighbours to tell me not to knock on their door at 7am to collect a parcel (as an example) I just know that’s rude

onelittlefrog · 13/10/2021 06:49

Oh my god, just tell them! That's so intrusive.

Roussette · 13/10/2021 06:58

My god, some of the replies in here are batshit
Buy plants, buy curtains and keep them drawn, sit in your bedroom and don't go downstairs.
Why do people think it's ok to change your lifestyle and/or spend your own money to stop this?
The very first time it happened I would've been saying...
What in EARTH are you doing in my back garden looking through my window at me? Don ever do that again

LadyCampanulaTottington · 13/10/2021 07:07

[quote Fdksyihfd]@LadyCampanulaTottington I don’t think it really follows that just because they’ve not been asked not to do it then it means it isn’t rude. I don’t need my neighbours to tell me not to knock on their door at 7am to collect a parcel (as an example) I just know that’s rude[/quote]
Not everyone thinks dropping in to someone is rude, especially older generations. It’s not hard to imagine that people have varying opinions on what are the correct social behaviours.

Personally I would hate it and never do it but unless you say something, they won’t know that what is ok for them is not ok for you.