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Original poster

2 DC in private school or have 3rd baby and all in state school?

64 replies

nc87651 · 11/10/2021 16:41

Just as the title says really.

We have 2 pre school age DC. We're planning on sending them to private school.

But I desperately want a third baby. DH is on board with more children but his only reservation is being able to afford them all.

We can afford the fees for 2 DC for private education but 3 will push us over the edge. The alternative is having another baby but they all go to state school which we don't really want.

WWYD in this situation?

For reference both DH and I were privately educated so that's why we want the same for our DC.

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 11/10/2021 16:46

What if you went half and half?
So state for primary and private for y7-11 and back to state for 6th form?

parietal · 11/10/2021 16:50

when deciding on state v private, there are a bunch of other factors to consider. what suits your particular child & does that child need a specialised environment? Does your child have an SEN? What are the state options in your area? if you moved to a different area, would you get better state options (maybe more expensive house)?

State is not automatically better than private, especially at primary level & if there are no special needs.

Lifeinthescratcher · 11/10/2021 16:52

What are the primary and state schools like were you live? Will you be able to stay there if you have 3rd?

You need to decide whats more important to you, another child or private education?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education
Iggly · 11/10/2021 16:54

Well given that private schools aren’t automatically better - I would consider local states and look at areas with a good state provision. If you can afford to send two to private then I assume you can afford to move house to a location with good schools.

TheLongDrop · 11/10/2021 16:55

God, two and private.

Three changes everything and it's not just schooling that's more expensive !

DappledThings · 11/10/2021 16:55

Neither! Still with two and keep them at normal school. That's what I'd do but it's a completely subjective decision so I don't think anyone can tell you anything other than their own preference.

Original poster
nc87651 · 11/10/2021 16:57

@Lifeinthescratcher

What are the primary and state schools like were you live? Will you be able to stay there if you have 3rd?

You need to decide whats more important to you, another child or private education?

There's one decent state school and the rest are pretty rubbish.

We have the flexibility of moving.

OP posts:
Iggly · 11/10/2021 17:00

I would look at moving then. You’ll have greater financial freedom if you can find a decent state primary school and then decide on private for secondary - by which time you could have had a third child.

We moved for schools. Wanted decent state secondary school and didn’t want the private/grammar route either.

Seeline · 11/10/2021 17:01

You've got no guarantee that private would be better. Have you any idea how bright your DCs are? Would they be able to pass entrance exams into selective schools?

Kite22 · 11/10/2021 17:02

Is going to depend HUGELY on where you live, but what about looking into buying a house in the catchment of really good state schools ? Much cheaper in the long term, and return on your investment at the end.

Have a think about what it is that you are specifically looking for from a Private school.
Would you be able to "buy" your dc whatever it is that you think will be better there? Sprts lessons, music lessons, maybe a tutor if you feel they don't get enough teacher time in a bigger class?

VladmirsPoutine · 11/10/2021 17:04

2 and private is what I'd do. 3 distorts all sorts not just in the way of additional school fees. All that said, if the pull for a 3rd is too strong then have a 3rd and struggle through it.

Cruiser11 · 11/10/2021 17:07

I went for three in state schools but was able to move to an area with excellent state schools. Is that an option?

SpaceshiptoMars · 11/10/2021 17:07

Will they appreciate the private education? Or will they get to their late 20s and wish you'd saved the money for house deposits instead?

Chickoletta · 11/10/2021 17:11

We’ve got 2 at private. Would have loved more but just too much money and I would never do for some kids what I can’t do for all. DH is one of 6 and 2 (including him) were privately educated - has caused so much bad feeling.

If I had my time again, I think I’d have 3 and send them all to state primary and private at 11+ but too late now. Is that an option for you?

Original poster
nc87651 · 11/10/2021 17:13

@Chickoletta

We’ve got 2 at private. Would have loved more but just too much money and I would never do for some kids what I can’t do for all. DH is one of 6 and 2 (including him) were privately educated - has caused so much bad feeling.

If I had my time again, I think I’d have 3 and send them all to state primary and private at 11+ but too late now. Is that an option for you?

Yes that's our other option. State primary and then see how we go for secondary. I'll have to speak to DH about that as it's mot something we've seriously considered yet.

OP posts:
Poetrypatty · 11/10/2021 17:16

I'd go for number 3 and move to somewhere with a state primary you like. You can see what finances look like later and do private secondary or 6th form, but you don't need to make that decision now.

TheQueenOfDreams · 11/10/2021 17:17

We went for 3 at state and being able to afford private tutors if needed. We were also able to afford to travel more than if they’d been at private.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/10/2021 17:19

Can you afford everything a third child forces on you: bigger house, more childcare, bigger car, more expensive holidays?

I’d stick with a fabulous life for 2 personally

tiggerwhocamefortea · 11/10/2021 17:20

I was privately educated but I still wouldn't pay the fees they are charging now (I had an assisted place). Id go for the 3rd child every time - most of the people I went to private school with didn't amount to anything more than the ones I know who went to state school (in fact I know more ex private school pupils in prison than state!) I'd move to a different area with "better" schools

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 11/10/2021 17:23

@DappledThings

Neither! Still with two and keep them at normal school. That's what I'd do but it's a completely subjective decision so I don't think anyone can tell you anything other than their own preference.
I would say the same. Why do you want a third? Have you thought about the impact it will have on your existing children?

Will they appreciate the private education? Or will they get to their late 20s and wish you'd saved the money for house deposits instead

Also, are you sure that if you stick with two that you will be able to afford private education? Jobs come and go - have you got the money banked already?

And are you sure that your body will deal with a third child ok? I'd be inclined to quit while I was ahead, personally (and did, but after one!)

Pashazade · 11/10/2021 17:24

Also if any of them turn out to have SEN you can kiss goodbye to staying at a private school. In my experience anything more serious than mild dyslexia and you'll be asked to leave.

Doodar · 11/10/2021 17:27

what if they don't pass the 7+ etc. I'd move to an area with better state schools.

ChequerBoard · 11/10/2021 17:30

We had the same dilemma and stayed with 2 and did private prep school and then (excellent) state secondary.

No regrets.

StripeyBadger · 11/10/2021 17:35

I think that if you can’t afford to send a third to private school that you would find sending two very restrictive. It’s not just the fees but everything else that comes with it.

heinztomatosoup · 11/10/2021 17:35

We had 3 in private and ended up moving them to a state primary school when places became available as realised the education there was vastly superior, had social benefits etc. Then in secondary one got into selective state grammar and is currently applying to Cambridge, while the others are in their fantastic local comprehensive school where the education is most suitable for them.
I would not have given up the chance to have my third adored individual child for any money in the world.