2 DC in private school or have 3rd baby and all in state school?

[nc87651]

Just as the title says really.

We have 2 pre school age DC. We're planning on sending them to private school.

But I desperately want a third baby. DH is on board with more children but his only reservation is being able to afford them all.

We can afford the fees for 2 DC for private education but 3 will push us over the edge. The alternative is having another baby but they all go to state school which we don't really want.

WWYD in this situation?

For reference both DH and I were privately educated so that's why we want the same for our DC.

2 in private every time. I don't like not having options. What if one of your older ones struggles in the state primary? Then you won't have the option to move them to private. A good private school is such a nicer experience for them and you.

Three and only send them for secondary school. There are a lot of outstanding primaries out there.

Stick with 2, think of the environmental impact

Private schools are not necessarily any better than state OP

@nc87651 remember it's no just about school fees. It's supporting them in their other activities and also through university

No one else can make the decision for you though. Think of how you and your DH feels being privately educated has benefited you. And I don't mean in terms of academics.

@StripeyBadger

I think that if you can’t afford to send a third to private school that you would find sending two very restrictive. It’s not just the fees but everything else that comes with it.

I mean, not really. We'd be saving £19k a year on tuition (after tax!). Another few grand on uniforms and trips isn't really going to break us. It the fees.

[quote chopc]@nc87651 remember it's no just about school fees. It's supporting them in their other activities and also through university

No one else can make the decision for you though. Think of how you and your DH feels being privately educated has benefited you. And I don't mean in terms of academics.

[/quote]

It's hard to measure. DH was in an all-boys academic hot house and really thrived. I think private school was wasted on me but that's easy to say. I went to uni and have a good degree but stumbled from job to job and became a SAHM.

For my older DC I think they would really benefit from small class size as they are very bright but shy.

I tend to think private school benefits the average child, not the bright one. For a bright child, I’d go state. I would stick with two children regardless.

Well it depends on the private and state schools in question, and your DC. Only you can really answer that one.
Thinking of my own situation with two children in private school, I would never give that up for a third child. However, it’s such an individual choice.

I'd stick with two and go private.

I wouldn't have a third if I knew it would significantly disadvantage my existing dc.

I'd have two and go private.

How would you feel about getting a dog (or other pet) instead of a third baby ?

There is a popular independent school in my village, and one decent state primary. Lots of parents move here and put their children in the state school for primary (or first 5 years at least). Ive talked to lots of parents about this and the vast majority feel it was a good decision as their kids had local friends and took part in local activities with them outside school, it meant they experienced life outside the private "bubble" and the parents also had a variety of local friends (including me!). Incidentally a write a few of them have 3 or 4 kids and one neighbour has 5!

Stick with 2 kids (they really are enough).
I think my kids state primary was as good as the local private school.
Obviously not as well resourced but the teaching and ethos were excellent.
However I don't think there are many secondaries you can say that about. My kids secondary is definitely less "good" than the many private schools in the nearest city.
I think they will still do well enough though, and they are happy.

@ItsReallyOnlyMe

I'd have two and go private.

How would you feel about getting a dog (or other pet) instead of a third baby ?

We already have a dog I could always get another one!

I would just have the two children and send them private, it will open up more opportunities in life for them and they will receive a better Educational experience.
To my mind it's about giving the children you all ready have the best chance in life, that's why I never had a third as I knew I would not be able to afford everything I wanted for them if I had more. X

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. We decided to stick to two and go down the private route. So far we're very happy with the decision.

Occasionally I do get a bit broody but it does pass and it's only when friends have newborns 🤣 in the reality of life we are out of the baby stage and really enjoying two "kids".

3 and state school. Move to a good area. Private school isn't going to guarantee a great life but an extra baby / sibling would be great for you and for your dc.

@ZenNudist How do you know?
A new sibling might be great for existing children, or it might not, for lots of reasons.

Do what we did and go for the third and then reassess finances in 5yrs when 3rd baby actually is ready for school!!! A lot of people like to think /plan for their financial situation getting better as their career progresses, and a lot can change in 5 years.

Worst case you may no longer be able to afford to send any! Or you may have enough to send 5 children to private!!

When we had our first and second we couldn’t afford any private, days forward 7 years and we can afford to send all 4. Have your 3rd baby.

I’d stick with two and give them a better life. Having a third is inconvenient and risky.

@ZenNudist

3 and state school. Move to a good area. Private school isn't going to guarantee a great life but an extra baby / sibling would be great for you and for your dc.

To be fair, your final point is not a given

I went to private school, my sister went to state. There's no guarantee that private school will suit all three children. I also don't believe there's a difference between a good state primary and private.

This was one of the factors in our decision. That, combined with being out numbered and a whole host of logistical reasons. I’m 40 this week, our eldest has just started school and I can’t shake off the yearning for a newborn. Tricky one.

Could you send them to state primary and private for secondary?

Have your third, your children will most likely benefit in one way or another through having another sibling. Move somewhere with a good state primary and a good private secondary, giving you more time to save.

If your going to have reasonable age gaps then use state for infants and some of juniors? We have state schools near me where kids get 9 A* so you could even do state up to year 8.