2 DC in private school or have 3rd baby and all in state school?

[nc87651]

Just as the title says really.

We have 2 pre school age DC. We're planning on sending them to private school.

But I desperately want a third baby. DH is on board with more children but his only reservation is being able to afford them all.

We can afford the fees for 2 DC for private education but 3 will push us over the edge. The alternative is having another baby but they all go to state school which we don't really want.

WWYD in this situation?

For reference both DH and I were privately educated so that's why we want the same for our DC.

I would stick with two and be comfortable any day. Not just for money reasons but also your time, physical impact on your body, environment and the fact that you will sooner have older kids and your freedom back.

Two and private school.

your children will most likely benefit in one way or another through having another sibling

I don't think that's necessarily true. I resented having one sibling growing up because it meant we couldn't afford certain things. We are friends now as adults but didn't get on as kids and didn't really play together - I love my sibling obviously but I definitely would have benefited more from private school than from having them.

daisypondi couldn’t disagree with you more. I was a very bright child in a crappy state school and it didn’t benefit me at all. My bright daughter is at an outstanding state primary and isn’t being pushed to her potential because of the behaviour management issues in the class. I’ve always been looking at selective day schools for secondary but might make the move earlier as the low level disruption is starting to worry me now.

OP- I had the same dilemma and chose two assuming private secondary only and time to save. It is different if you are a sahm but I feel very stretched between my two already. A third would mean dropping activities, having less time for each of my children. It wouldn’t be right in our circs as our lifestyle would be diluted in many ways.

As a state school teacher we put every spare penny into private schooling for ours from Primary level. State school can’t even compare. Most schools have no money to even buy glue sticks. Big classes. Poor behaviour. My children have a wonderful educational experience compared to the children I teach.

@NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy

Private schools are not necessarily any better than state OP

On the whole, apart from one or two bad eggs, they absolutely are.

@Peanutsandchilli

I went to private school, my sister went to state. There's no guarantee that private school will suit all three children. I also don't believe there's a difference between a good state primary and private.

The difference between a good state primary and private is usually much better facilities, hours of sports each week, smaller class sizes, specialist teachers for music, art, science etc. and the school being able to afford more than one glue stick per child to name a few.

We now have three DC and moved my older DC to the local state school before the third was born - but we have an absolutely amazing state school locally. If it’s not sitting on 100 acres of parkland, it also certainly has more than enough glue sticks to go around and the teachers are wonderful. Both DC are in classes that are slightly smaller, not larger, and the differences come down to things like there are fewer instrument choices available in the music programme and there’s no private pool. Oh, and no forest school. I do miss that!

Whether or not it would be the right decision for you, I can’t say. I told myself that when we didn’t have to pay an enormous tuition amount every term we could certainly afford to pay for any lessons or clubs that the DC wanted to continue - the pandemic reshaped that a bit (DS1 dropped one sport in favour of another and chose a different orchestra instrument to learn) but things are going back to normal and I’m running to just as many after school activities as before.

It’s a tough decision though, OP, because it is a bit of a gamble. I’d probably feel very differently about it had ours not worked out so well.

I would probably stick with two. It's not just the fees, as they get older it will be opportunities like overseas exchanges, sports trips, choir trips etc.

It's a very personal decision however.

Let’s not forget at least 75% of independent schools filter children by entrance exam and that is very much a huge part of why their results are better.

I’d stick with two, for many many many reasons. Private school is one of the reasons but way down the list.

@CakesOfVersailles

I would probably stick with two. It's not just the fees, as they get older it will be opportunities like overseas exchanges, sports trips, choir trips etc.

It's a very personal decision however.

Fees for those things, even x3, are still far less than two sets of private school fees for us. We are also able to put by a lot more in savings for all three and will be able to make a larger contribution to their uni fees.

I went to a state primary and private secondary. Speaking entirely anecdotally, with some exceptions, the children that came from a state primary to the secondary seemed to have better educational outcomes- I have no idea why that is, maybe they appreciated the experience more as their parents were a bit more stretched getting them there. I wouldn't trade my primary experience for anything though, I was laughing non stop from beginning to end, best years of my life. I n fairness, I did appreciate the private education at secondary too, but in a roundabout way what I'm saying is have a third child if you want one. Think about what will give you all a joyful and fulfilling life. Someone else made the point re your income increasing too, presumably you may not be a SAHM forever so can adjust your situation if needed.

Fees for those things, even x3, are still far less than two sets of private school fees for us. We are also able to put by a lot more in savings for all three and will be able to make a larger contribution to their uni fees.

I meant the extras might be a lot on top of private fees. Certainly they are less than the fees themselves.