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Original poster

Boys in filed alone

54 replies

2boys21 · 10/10/2021 17:38

Hi me and the ex spilt up a couple months ago . He has the 2 Boys on a Friday/Saturday night for the weekend 3 times a month. On the 4th week he just seems them for the day on a Sunday.. the boys are 5 and 6. The 6 year old has autism. (Ex does not believe he has it )

Anyway today he took them to his ex wife's house. He has adult children and they go there for a get together kind of thing. Which is fine.

The problem is my 5 year old tells me they went to the filed. I don't know this filed ds5 tells me you walk down the road a bit at the bottom you have cross the road. And then there's a filed. So it seems they can't see the filed from the house. He then tells me T went with them who's 9. When I asked did daddy go with you he says no. So then I said did any grown ups go with you. He says no.

I told him when we first split I was worried that he's never done any actual parenting. He told me he brang up 3 girls he's fine. All he's doing is proving I'm right. Other things have happend as well.

Am I wrong in thinking it's his responsibility to look after them not a 9 year old boy ?

And how do I get it sorted out so I know they are actually being looked after

OP posts:
SD1978 · 10/10/2021 17:42

To stop the inevitable- I assume you meant to say field- as many people seem to jump on spelling issues. Can you clarify with their dad? Depending on how far away it is, and for how long, he may have thought is was ok- different people parent differently. Do you have or have had any other safety concerns? Is he usually good at supervising them? We're there any other kids there? I wouldn't go in guns blazing without trying to get some more information first.

dementedpixie · 10/10/2021 17:42

Do you mean a field?
Did they have no supervision?

girlmom21 · 10/10/2021 17:44

Do you mean that they went to a field down the road with a 9 year old and they had to cross one road?

Do they know how to cross a road safely?

If they do, I think its not the end of the world.
Is your autistic child quite severely autistic? Are you more worried about him than the 5 year old?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds 6 year olds 9 year olds Families
Kanaloa · 10/10/2021 17:44

I’m not sure here - I would want to clarify what actually happened just because my just turned 6 year old says stuff like this sometimes. Like she’ll tell me her teacher let them out on the playground alone with no adults but then after a bit of poking it transpires that there was a teacher assistant but what she meant was her teacher didn’t come out.

Is it possibly something like that, maybe one of his adult siblings was watching? If not I wouldn’t like it at all. Was it a play field like a playground or literally just a field?

AFuturisticalSound · 10/10/2021 17:44

Im assuming you mean a field, I would get some adult confirmation of what happened if you can, small children don't always get things right

Original poster
2boys21 · 10/10/2021 17:45

@dementedpixie

Do you mean a field? Did they have no supervision?
No supervision. No adults there
OP posts:
QuestionEverythingBaby · 10/10/2021 17:45

Hmm it's not ideal a 9 year old looking after a 5 and 6 year old.

QuestionEverythingBaby · 10/10/2021 17:46

Was it just a field or a play park type thing?

Original poster
2boys21 · 10/10/2021 17:48

@Kanaloa

I’m not sure here - I would want to clarify what actually happened just because my just turned 6 year old says stuff like this sometimes. Like she’ll tell me her teacher let them out on the playground alone with no adults but then after a bit of poking it transpires that there was a teacher assistant but what she meant was her teacher didn’t come out.

Is it possibly something like that, maybe one of his adult siblings was watching? If not I wouldn’t like it at all. Was it a play field like a playground or literally just a field?

No ds5 would definitely tell me the right thing. It's definitely just a field. And definitely no adults
OP posts:
MrsFin · 10/10/2021 17:49

Perhaps there were adults and it's just that the boys didn't see them.

Funnylittlefloozie · 10/10/2021 17:49

Oh fgs, of course she means a field - inability to read for context is NOT a superior trait.

OP, I would be really cross if my ex let a 5 and 6 year old go to a place away from the house with a random 9 year old. Kids need freedom, but thats a recipe for trouble. Tbh, I would be having strong words with your ex, and not sending the kids any more.

Kanaloa · 10/10/2021 17:50

Oh I wouldn’t care for that then. If nothing else it’s just dangerous, a 9 year old can’t be responsible for a 5 year old plus a 6 year old with additional needs. Anything could happen.

Bonsaibreaker · 10/10/2021 17:51

Just talk to him about it and explain that the boys are too young to be left without adult supervision outside of the garden.

Mynameismargot · 10/10/2021 17:53

I dont known if its a big deal? It would depend on the area I suppose? We live in the country and my kids have been to many a field alone, so long as I know the field is safe. Does T live there? If he does and he is well used to the field is it that big a deal or just a wee adventure for them?

NewtoHolland · 10/10/2021 17:54

No nine year old is 100% reliable. It's hard because you don't trust your ex and it sounds like he does things very differently to you and I'd find that really off too letting such young children out without an adult. But also there's the issue of dynamic and no kid wants to be responsible for reporting back to either parent/ being caught up in the conflict.. so handle carefully I think xx

TheChip · 10/10/2021 18:04

How far is down the road a bit? If I walk to the end of my street we come across a field. To get to the end of my street there's only 4 houses though.
So it might not be as far as you think. The road could be a turning like a back alley leading to the back of the houses.

You dont really know that the adults can't see the field from the house. They might just need to stick their head out of the door, or walk to the gate.

I'd of let my kids play on the field with friends at the end of my street at that age for a little bit, popping my head out to check on them.

You will have to ask your ex. Your kids obviously have friends there, so they would like to play with them sometimes.

Original poster
2boys21 · 10/10/2021 18:05

@NewtoHolland

No nine year old is 100% reliable. It's hard because you don't trust your ex and it sounds like he does things very differently to you and I'd find that really off too letting such young children out without an adult. But also there's the issue of dynamic and no kid wants to be responsible for reporting back to either parent/ being caught up in the conflict.. so handle carefully I think xx
Hes done simlar before where they have been walking along the beach area. He's let them on the rocks. And in the sea on their own. He was at a guess about 6 foot away from them on the beach part . But the rocks were slippery he had one child one direction one in the other. The sea was (choppy) ds6 went to deep and he had to shout 6 times before ds responded. (He showed me a video ) I spoke to him and he said it won't happen again.
OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 10/10/2021 18:06

It depends on the area a bit. My dc were certainly playing out at that age with no grown ups, but we are in a safe rural area.

Obviously not OK in some areas though.

The thing is, you can discuss it, but to some extent he is able to make decisions like this for the dc in his time just as you can make decisions in your time (assuming nothing abusive is going on).

TheChip · 10/10/2021 18:09

@Stompythedinosaur

It depends on the area a bit. My dc were certainly playing out at that age with no grown ups, but we are in a safe rural area.

Obviously not OK in some areas though.

The thing is, you can discuss it, but to some extent he is able to make decisions like this for the dc in his time just as you can make decisions in your time (assuming nothing abusive is going on).

Thats a great point. I'd be pissed off if my ex tried telling me what I could and couldn't do with our dc when they were in my care.
Yogawankonobi · 10/10/2021 18:17

Agree with pp, depends on the area. I wouldn’t be overly worried but then I don’t know him, your dc or the field in question.

Kanaloa · 10/10/2021 18:53

But one of the children is autistic. Yes, some autistic children would be fine, but given that the father ‘doesn’t believe’ in the child’s autism, what are the chances that he had assessed the risk correctly for the child’s needs?

Original poster
2boys21 · 10/10/2021 19:01

@Kanaloa

But one of the children is autistic. Yes, some autistic children would be fine, but given that the father ‘doesn’t believe’ in the child’s autism, what are the chances that he had assessed the risk correctly for the child’s needs?
It also worries me what (if) there was an accident. Does the 9 year old send the 5 or 6 year old for help . Does the 9 year old go for help and leave them both/1 of them. This is only the 2nd time they have been to the house so they don't know the area.
OP posts:
TheChip · 10/10/2021 19:08

Do you let yhe children play out with friends at home?

Original poster
2boys21 · 10/10/2021 19:11

@TheChip

Do you let yhe children play out with friends at home?
No they only have friends in school and we live quite far from the school. And to be honest unless I could see them I would not let them anyway.
OP posts:
MushMonster · 10/10/2021 19:14

It fully depends on the area, how far it is, and if your children and their sibbling are happy to play on their own there.
Which does not help your issue here, because you do not know the area....