Boys in filed alone

[2boys21]

Hi me and the ex spilt up a couple months ago . He has the 2 Boys on a Friday/Saturday night for the weekend 3 times a month. On the 4th week he just seems them for the day on a Sunday.. the boys are 5 and 6. The 6 year old has autism. (Ex does not believe he has it )

Anyway today he took them to his ex wife's house. He has adult children and they go there for a get together kind of thing. Which is fine.

The problem is my 5 year old tells me they went to the filed. I don't know this filed ds5 tells me you walk down the road a bit at the bottom you have cross the road. And then there's a filed. So it seems they can't see the filed from the house. He then tells me T went with them who's 9. When I asked did daddy go with you he says no. So then I said did any grown ups go with you. He says no.

I told him when we first split I was worried that he's never done any actual parenting. He told me he brang up 3 girls he's fine. All he's doing is proving I'm right. Other things have happend as well.

Am I wrong in thinking it's his responsibility to look after them not a 9 year old boy ?

And how do I get it sorted out so I know they are actually being looked after

That’s very odd. Do you think she’s lying to save her Dad or is your DS mistaken? I which one my money is on!!! 🤔

I completely understand your frustration and concerns over contact. It would make me anxious, too.

But...would these things be viewed as big enough issues to change anything if you were to seek more solid contact arrangements through court. Or would court just open the door for him to have even more time.

Personally, I dont think they would. I think they'd just be viewed as different parenting styles.
Yes, it's horrible that he threw dc thing in the bin, but it's not abuse.
Yes he should be more understanding of the pull ups, but the fact he isn't, also isn't abuse. I've told my dc in the past that they are big boys and should try without them. It's not abnormal.

As for the field side, I wouldnt see it as a 9 year old being responsible for younger children, but 3 children going to play together.

Not keeping a close enough eye on them when out at the beach that day. All parents have at one point or another found themselves in a situation where they could have had a closer eye on their kids which would have prevented something from happening. In your dh situation, thankfully nothing happened.

I'm not dismissing your concerns. They are valid, and you know the situation more than any of us on here. We can just go off the snippets you tell us, and from what you have told us I'd be concerned that it wouldn't go the way you'd hope in court if you took it there.

But that is just my view as a stranger on the Internet.

Did you speak to the father about the field? Is that how the daughter contacted you about it?

@QuestionEverythingBaby

That’s very odd. Do you think she’s lying to save her Dad or is your DS mistaken? I which one my money is on!!! 🤔

Well ds5 is still saying the same thing. Although ds6 is harder to communicate with. He's saying the same as well. I don't think I believe the daughter/dad. If I was to ask for the address of where his ex wife lives they would not give it to me because they know I could check Google maps.

She also says that I'm automaticly believing the words of a 5 year old over an adult. It worrys me that she thinks like that.

Anyway I did tell the conversation go for a bit. To see what she said but she's all for her dad. I pointed out that no matter what I say she's going to be for her dad and she will automatically take sides even if she does not realise she's doing it. I also explained that it's between Me and him and do you see anyone fighting my corner? No because I have to do it alone.
I also told her that during our conversation she had not acknowledged my concerns at all . Just kept going on about how I was hurting everyone and how awful doing it through a court would be

Oh and she said the boys always come back to me safe and unhurt. But thats because nothing has happened yet

@TheChip

I completely understand your frustration and concerns over contact. It would make me anxious, too.

But...would these things be viewed as big enough issues to change anything if you were to seek more solid contact arrangements through court. Or would court just open the door for him to have even more time.

Personally, I dont think they would. I think they'd just be viewed as different parenting styles.
Yes, it's horrible that he threw dc thing in the bin, but it's not abuse.
Yes he should be more understanding of the pull ups, but the fact he isn't, also isn't abuse. I've told my dc in the past that they are big boys and should try without them. It's not abnormal.

As for the field side, I wouldnt see it as a 9 year old being responsible for younger children, but 3 children going to play together.

Not keeping a close enough eye on them when out at the beach that day. All parents have at one point or another found themselves in a situation where they could have had a closer eye on their kids which would have prevented something from happening. In your dh situation, thankfully nothing happened.

I'm not dismissing your concerns. They are valid, and you know the situation more than any of us on here. We can just go off the snippets you tell us, and from what you have told us I'd be concerned that it wouldn't go the way you'd hope in court if you took it there.

But that is just my view as a stranger on the Internet.

Did you speak to the father about the field? Is that how the daughter contacted you about it?

At the moment he had then every weekend apart from 1 a month as he wants that time for his adult daughters. He could not have them anymore because of work. And the kids school. He's a 90 Min drive away.

You keep missing the words that he used about the bread ds made . He said yeah loads of rubbish put it on the bin. When ds had been all excited and proud of himself. The pull up thing I get what you mean but ds has autism he's already aware that he brother is ahead of him so why say stuff to make him feel even more shit?

The filed thing yes 3 children playing together that only works if all 3 are old enough tk look after them shelves? That's not the case here

With the beach thing you can't afford to not watch them the sea was pretty rough/choppy as well.

There's times he's let the kids play in the car and ds has his head hanging out the window and cars passing

The over loading the car so somone ends up without a seat belt or sharing.

Not holding their hand when crossing the road

Court etc definitely isn't the route I want to take though I just want my kids to be safe that's it.