How do I change my fucked up attitude to food?

[Namechange768]

I'm so fed up. I have such a totally messed up attitude to food, have for years. I'm pre diabetic and totally addicted to sugar. I have cravings, then guilt, I skip meals, then binge, I eat in secret, I try low carbing then have chocolate. I have so many emotions around food and no self control.
I've tried and tried to have self control and discipline but I'm home all day and it's very hard. But even if it's not in the house I go out and buy it.
I literally don't know what to do. I have no energy or motivation either.
Totally disgusted with myself.

I have been looking in to intuitive eating and the anti diet movement to stop the cycle i have long way to go but definitely feel better

Been there done that, got the t-shirt and I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, it's horrible. Two things that have really helped me work through this to come out the other side.

First - Make every day a fresh start and talk really kindly to yourself. Stop punishing yourself about the things you have or haven't eaten yet. Second - Don't restrict your foods or label them "bad or good". There really is no such thing, its just about having the right quantities / enough variety. Focus on enjoying what you are eating at the time you are eating it, and remember food is just fuel for your body. It really isn't going to solve all your problems.

Work on breaking the connection between your emotions and eating. If you enjoy cooking, make it a positive experience. If you don't, stock up on lots of quick and healthy meals / snacks which will have positive benefits. Get rid of all the triggering foods which you binge on. If you lapse, it's ok, just start again the next day!

If you ignore pre-diabetes it will turn into diabetes. I did, and then 5 years down the line I was diagnosed with T2 during pregnancy, they said I would have had it for a couple of years even though I did not think I had any symptoms (turns out I did, but not symptoms you would think of such as frequent urination etc so I never put two and two together).

I used to binge eat carbs and it was such a difficult cycle because for diabetes the spikes in blood sugar can give you crazy hunger, I would try to be "good" but could only hold out so long and then eat my way through any carbs I could get hold of.
As I was ashamed of my binges they would only occur in secret. So a tip would be that while you are trying to stop binges, don't be alone. Don't start a very restrictive low calorie diet, gradually reduce. Fibre is your friend when it comes to diabetes, and of course protein and fat to replace some carbs. Each diabetic has different triggering carbs, personally I can't tolerate more than one slice of wholemeal bread for breakfast, and brown rice is worse for me than wholewheat pasta. If you can buy/borrow a blood glucose monitor to see which carbs are most triggering for you then it may help you psychologically to know that while potatoes are out, moderate amounts of bread is OK.

Losing weight will help with stopping pre diabetes turn into diabetes, but better blood sugar control, and exercise should be a more immediate concern. I wish I had not ignored pre diabetes, I was already more susceptible due to family with it, and now I am 34 facing decades of being careful with diet, worrying about premature death, at greater risk of heart disease, kidney disease, nerve damage, eye damage, risk of ketoacidosis, risk of T2 turning into T1....I wish I had known how awful diabetes was and shocked myself into taking more care to avoid it.

In short: don't be an idiot about it like I was

Sorry as if my previous post wasn't long enough, I should add that you really need to talk to your GP or the diabetes nurse at your practice to get help about your binge eating. Diabetes/diabetics are expensive for the NHS, and I'm sure they would want to help you get out of the pre diabetic range and stay out of it as long as possible. So even if you think you being a bit greedy isn't something they would deem important, preventing diabetes is definitely something they would deem important

Thank you.
So I've made an appointment with a nutritionist, life coach, therapist type person who specialises in pre diabetes. Got an appointment on Monday.
Thank you everyone

@Namechange768

Thank you. So I've made an appointment with a nutritionist, life coach, therapist type person who specialises in pre diabetes. Got an appointment on Monday. Thank you everyone

Life coach?!?

Please ensure the above "professionals" are actually professionals so they do not waste your money.

It is fantastic that you are taking the first steps :)

I used to really crave sugar. I started buying those moo yoghurt in a tub. They are so creamy and delicious and I mix them with Dorset nutty musueli. Honestly I haven't had chocolate since. I do eat them every day and can't wait to eat my yoghurt xx

Toolazy it's a free consultation to start with so no money commitment if I don't think it will help.

It will be interesting to see what they recommend. Where did you find them?

I found that consciously having something sweet at the start of the day - in my case, a protein shake because I can't stomach a proper breakfast - has made it easy to eat healthily through the rest of the day. My lunch is usually something like fish, rice and salad (so another portion of carbs and one of protein/good fat) and then there isn't a feeling of urgency or desperation about food in the evening - and I have the energy to remain active throughout the day. I then have pretty much whatever I fancy for dinner.

Combining that with being active and exercise for my emotional wellbeing and enjoyment and I'm about 3-4 stone lighter today than I was in May.

I suspect that the way I'm doing it (also have to be gluten free, so very limited bread/pasta as it's too much effort to seek out replacements all the time, but no problem with rice or potatoes/sweet potatoes whenever I want them) is keeping both my calorific intake lower and my blood sugar on a more even keel, avoiding crashes or the dips where getting high carb, low nutrition food feels like an emergency.

The main thing is I'm not beating myself up over what I eat and I don't feel unwell at all. I get hungry usually shortly before it's time to eat, sometimes I misjudge it if it's a particularly long or active day and start feeling a little ropey on the way home from work, but there's always something I can grab easily at home as an 'I'm not going to make it to dinner'.

It feels pretty good, anyhow.

I'm the same, I'm sure I'm at least pre-diabetic. I'm maybe 1 stone overweight, and I eat biscuits, chocolate and cake because it tastes nice and a lot of the time I'm bored. I do think for whatever reason I am all or nothing. I've done the low carb, I had gestational diabetes and for my baby I did it really well. But it's hard and a packet of own brand biscuits is so cheap and lovely with a cup of tea.

Sugar addiction. Very common, don't beat yourself up over it. Sugar causes these spikes and crashes. You're not greedy, the sugar you do eat is making your body crave more. Many millions of people in the same boat (me included, when I let sugar back in it takes me into a spiral).

@Namechange768

Toolazy it's a free consultation to start with so no money commitment if I don't think it will help.

I had a similar sounding free consultation on Thursday. Even that initial chat seems to have lifted a weight off my shoulders and I have felt more able to eat consciously and not just mindlessly shovel crap into me. I hope it goes well for you.