How do I change my fucked up attitude to food?

[Namechange768]

I'm so fed up. I have such a totally messed up attitude to food, have for years. I'm pre diabetic and totally addicted to sugar. I have cravings, then guilt, I skip meals, then binge, I eat in secret, I try low carbing then have chocolate. I have so many emotions around food and no self control.
I've tried and tried to have self control and discipline but I'm home all day and it's very hard. But even if it's not in the house I go out and buy it.
I literally don't know what to do. I have no energy or motivation either.
Totally disgusted with myself.

Read Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. Changed my life, I recommend it to everyone who struggles with binge eating

I feel the same. I met a lady today who is a nutritionist and does life coaching. It sounds really wanky but I'm going to do sessions to explore why I keep choosing food that makes me feel shitty and come up with better ways to meet whatever emotional need I'm clearly not addressing properly. I do believe getting to the root of why I knowingly make bad choices will help me be able to make better choices most of the time.

I know where you are coming from in fact you sound just like me BUT I have had a bit of a break through recently. I’ve been doing a lose version of low carb (think Second Nature type thing) for the past month and actually i can see myself sticking with it.
Basically I cut out all refined carbs but still have some lower sugar fruit (tomatoes, berries, cherries), some grains when I fancy them and the odd piece if dark chocolate. I eat full fat everything for dairy including coffee with cream which I love.
I’m not going to lie - the first few days / week is hell as you come off the sugar addiction but if you keep your salt intake up with something like bone broth it really helps. If you stick with it, after a few days, you will adjust and start to feel much better. You’ll stop having crashing energy slumps and feel
good again. You’ll also binge less as it’s harder to override the feeling of being satiated with low carb as the foods are more sustaining. Maybe give it another try? the weight ones off slowly but steadily and there’s no reason to feel deprived on it.

@PurpleDaisies

Does he cook at all?

There are lots of healthy vegan meals based around veg, tofu etc rather than the processed stuff.

He does cook or I cook vegan food for both of us.

@YouBringLightIntoADarkPlace

I've just ordered meal replacement shake power for the same reasons .Hope it works.

We do both love tofu.

Ps make sure you drink loads of water and maybe take a fibre supplement if needed. Low carb can make you a bit constipated while you adjust to it.

If you're not sure your GP will be easy to speak to try: www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/

Helpline open till midnight or online chat x

@Namechange768

We do both love tofu.

Excellent. That can be cooked in lots of healthy ways. What else do you enjoy eating?

When I need to lose a bit of weight, I really focus on meal planning healthy, veg based meals with lot of lean protein, measured carbs and fats. Batch cooking helps so there’s always something in the freezer.

Honestly.. listen to the podcast. All the nutritional advice in the world won’t help if you are using food to change how you feel/ manage your emotions.

I don't have the answer, but I wanted to lend some solidarity to you, you this is me right now and I feel exactly the same it's awful!

Mullohollandmagoo want to private message? Offer moral support!

Are you actually overweight op? How well or not is your diabetes managed?

I'm not diabetec, I'm pre diabetec.
So I am not meant to have sugar which makes it more tempting!
I have a bmi of 26 I think so slightly overweight.

I'm addicted to sugar, pretty sure it's not meeting any emotional needs though, I just absolutely love the taste of it. It's a very common addiction, I feel for you.

How long have you gone cold turkey on the sugar/ carbs?

It is literally a cold turkey withdrawal process and can last a couple of weeks and then suddenly the cravings go

I’m the withdrawal process you’ll need electrolytes, if you don’t you feel very low energy and reach for the sugar

I don't think me being a greedy fuck is an emergency!

That isn’t what you’ve actually described though.

When my GP advised me about diabetes when my blood numbers were high, she said “this is where you start paying attention” She described all the things that could happen with diabetes, then talked me through what I needed to to.

I had a look at all the stuff she signposted me to, then I joined weight watchers and have lost a stone in 3 months.

This is your ouch moment, you have a chance to change your future health. You need to do what you can to make a difference. From what you’ve said, that may include some counselling.

I'm going to give a shout out to 'potatoes not Prozac'. It was recommended by a friend's therapist and it's changed my life. I lost 1.5 stone easily and now don't crave sugar at all! Honestly it's life changing. And you get to eat a potato with butter every night

Best thing is it starts in slow steps and says the slower you do it the better. First step is just eating breakfast every morning. There's no guilt at all or diet plan. You end up cutting out all refined sugar but it's so slow you don't even notice you're missing out. It is all about how some people are 'sugar addicts' and that we will be all our lives and it's honestly just a fantastic book. It's old too so it's cheap!

I did it for a few months and did have electrolytes but just gradually fell off the wagon.

@Namechange768

I'm not diabetec, I'm pre diabetec. So I am not meant to have sugar which makes it more tempting! I have a bmi of 26 I think so slightly overweight.

Sorry I'm ill clearly can't read!

Exercise helps with pre diabetes and insulin in the body so that could be an option.

I'm asking about weight as I'm obese and just had bariatric surgery so I get the not being in control thing. I also had pre diabetes & insulin resistance and was hungry all of the time. So I know how this can effect you.

I had a long pathway to surgery via the NHS and one of the things we covered in group sessions was why diets don't work and the deprivation cycle. As you are a healthy bmi I'd focus on exercise and eating healthier but not cutting out ffod groups or never having treats. As it's not sustainable and it creates potential for binging /being off plan. I know it's a cliche but it is about lifestyle change.

Also I'm on antidepressants too do you think your dose works for you? I know I eat more when I'm low.

If your BMI is only 26 you can't be doing too much wrong

@YouBringLightInToADarkPlace

I did 7 months of a milkshake-only diet in order to completely break my relationship with food. I lost a lot of weight but primarily the reason for it was to give myself really strict boundaries- I wasn't allowed ANYTHING other than 4 meal replacements, tea, coffee and water. Not necessarily the healthiest way but honestly it was so liberating- no decisions to make.

@YouBringLightInToADarkPlace which shake replacement did you use?

If your bmi is only 26, you’ve probably only got a few kg to bring you into the healthy range. Have you worked out how much? That would be a great target to aim at.

I just checked properly its 27.
I'm 10st 5 and 5ft 1.
I look enormous.
Until my late 20s I was about 8 stone and could eat what I liked but few years ago I was starving constantly, had blood tests and found out I was pre diabetic.

I understand OP. I have this exact same relationship with food. I managed to stop for a good few years but it feels like it's creeping back. Today was a bad one and I too felt sick. And it messed up my whole mood for the evening. I feel enormous and can't stand myself or my body. It's so frustrating to have successfully eaten well for so long... When I'm eating well I can't believe I ever binge ate or ate loads of crap and yet suddenly I can be back there. It's bizarre.

However today instead of berating myself for hours like normal I tried some mindfulness acceptance and self compassion. So I tried to go off my normal self loathing, disgust script...

Acceptance: this will probably always be a thing that's there for me. It'll probably always be something I battle, and something I give in to from time to time. It's OK. I know roughly why I ended up being a binge eater.
For me the acceptance isn't permission to carry on but recognition that I'll always find it hard and fuck up sometimes. Somehow it's helpful. Rather than wondering why I'm such a fucking useless gross idiot, I recognise it's a 'thing' within me and maybe stopping constantly wishing it wasn't there will help it have less power. Accepting it's presence makes me less panicky when I feel it iyswim?

Self compassion: This is a common behaviour. Many other humans struggle with it. You are not particularly gross or abnormal or horrible. You do something many people struggle with everyday and you are not uniquely bad.
Look up Kristin Neff. Shared humanity is part of self compassion and again I find it helpful. Not in 'oh loads of people do it so it's fine way' but as a way of reducing my self loathing and recognising I'm human too, with flaws and faults and fuck ups... Like everyone else.

Berating ourselves and feeling awful and punishing ourselves by being mean to ourselves does nothing to help. It's doesn't undo the eating. It certainly doesn't stop it from happening again. I think I believe if I bully myself enough it'll be enough to finally stop me next time, but that's never worked.

So. Deep breath. Tomorrow is another day. You aren't a bad person you're just a bit messed up in some way and this is how it comes out. We can do this. You might think my post is wishy washy bullshit but you haven't done anything to deserve feeling so awful