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Original poster

Do you feel for evil people?

64 replies

Seldon · 07/10/2021 10:20

I want to start by saying this is a sensitive topic. I also wonder whether I might be wired strangely.

This thread is inspired by recent events in the news but I don’t want to mention names.

Whenever a horrific crime is committed there is a clamour for some awful consequences for the criminal. I logically agree with the punishment but when I think about the life of that evil person, I can’t help but shudder and feel something. Sympathy is not the right word, but it’s not a nice feeling. I am often the same with a film, when the baddy gets some awful comeuppance at the end.

Do others ever feel like this? I am certainly not interested in me being “right” and no doubt a lot of people will say no, they feel nothing. I’m just interested to wonder if this way of thinking is normal.

OP posts:
Naaaaah · 07/10/2021 10:24

I think you can feel a mixture of emotions. Empathy towards what their upbringing may have been like and what trauma they may have suffered, aswell as revulsion for their crimes and a wish to see justice served. It's not an either/or scenario.

Arabelladrinkstea · 07/10/2021 10:26

Yes, because I imagine them as little children - and then think of what must have happened to them to make them do such evil things, there’s lots of studies out there showing abusers have almost all been abused.
It’s a horrific cycle and so I send love and healing to the innocent ‘inner child’ of the person who has committed an evil act.

ACNHMAMA · 07/10/2021 10:29

I am in a line of work where unfortunately I only see the bad side of people/the things they have done wrong. I have to be quite hard about it TBH and rarely feel sorry for these people.

It is easy to say that people are 'evil' and try to visualise them as monsters etc. When in reality, it's not that simple. 'Evil' people still take the kids to school, send their mum a Christmas present, go for Sunday lunch with the family and all of the other normal things us normal people do. Similarly, there are plenty of 'normal' people who do vile, evil and disgusting things IMO.

LukeEvansWife · 07/10/2021 10:36

I don't feel anything for either the perpetrator or victims to be honest. I don't know if it's because I have ASD or whether there is something wrong with me but I don't have empathy or hate in relation to these kind of incidents.

I do know that things are generally more complicated than they appear

gardeninggirl68 · 07/10/2021 10:37

Yes op, I get what you mean. I feel this way too

I wonder about the 'bad person' as a child and how life was for them and feel empathy for the person they once were

LukeEvansWife · 07/10/2021 10:37

I will say though that most people are 'bad' to some extent so logically it's an extension of this

RosaBaby2 · 07/10/2021 10:38

Yes, definitely.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 07/10/2021 10:39

Yes, I often do. I wonder what led the person to do that and feel a sort of sadness that someone could be so fucked up.

LaBellina · 07/10/2021 10:39

Yes I know what you mean OP. And then I wonder how why they did what they did and how they became ‘that’ person. And I wonder how much influence we actually have on the people we have become once we’re adults.

MeridasMum · 07/10/2021 10:42

I used to think not until I was called for jury duty on a murder case.
The accused was found guilty unanimously- there was no reasonable doubt - and was given life imprisonment.

Whilst I was appalled at the detail of the crime, I took it quite hard that I (with fellow jurors) had decided that this relatively young man would spend 25 years in prison. I feel very guilty about that which surprised me about myself.

I often wonder if I'd feel such guilt if he had committed the same crime on someone that I loved. I doubt it.

Dieselweasel · 07/10/2021 10:42

Yes, I think I know what you mean. Anger about something terrible that a person has done can take over, overshadowing our natural human empathy. But I find it very difficult to relish anyone else's suffering for long.

A personal example - someone in my family did something really, truly awful to me and in doing so destroyed our relationship. They're a "bad person" in the traditional sense - selfish, dishonest and cruel. And I judge them for it. I hate them for it. The awful thing they did could also have endangered my child which fills me with a particular rage. Sometimes I feel so angry toward them I could wish them dead, or something terrible happen to them so they will feel as bad as they made me feel. But, at other more reflective times, I imagine them feeling regret, missing our relationship, or even if they are just a total sociopath - missing out on the joy of feeling connected emotionally with other people. Missing out on that feeling of contentment and fulfilment in one's life that I can't imagine they possibly feel, the way that they are. And I pity them. I don't want them to suffer - I just wish they were a less horrible person. I know I'd rather have my life than theirs, and I'd rather be who I am, than them.

Wishing pain upon or relishing the pain of others, even "evil" people is bad for your soul and your happiness, imo. It's a different thing than accepting you may need to inflict suffering upon them as an inadvertent "side effect" of protecting others, or having a working society - that's pragmatism.

romdowa · 07/10/2021 10:43

Yes and I've often wondered am I odd for this. I often think is there any part of them at all that is sickened by what they've done, did they struggle with the decision to do it and how they came to be the kind of person who could so such a thing. We've had a lot of family murder suicides in my country over the last number of years and I often think how parents can kill their kids etc how that happens because it can't all be mental illness.

sqirrelfriends · 07/10/2021 10:44

@Arabelladrinkstea

Yes, because I imagine them as little children - and then think of what must have happened to them to make them do such evil things, there’s lots of studies out there showing abusers have almost all been abused. It’s a horrific cycle and so I send love and healing to the innocent ‘inner child’ of the person who has committed an evil act.
Same, I still want the truly evil ones to put away for life though.

I know someone involved in working with young offenders (some petty crimes, some sadistic and evil) and they pretty much exclusively had hard upbringings and came through from fostering. Is it their fault, or are they the product of their experiences? (Im not saying every care leaver ends up like this, I have several friends who were adopted or fostered who turned out great).

One of my biggest worries in life is that my DS wont turn out well, be kind and caring and have a good moral compass. I just hope I'm a good enough mum to teach him.

dogsrock15 · 07/10/2021 10:45

I think of them as a baby, a child and a young teenager and I wonder what happened to make them go from being born an innocent baby to becoming what they have become. I do feel empathy for the child they once was. I don't feel any empathy for them as an adult though. no matter what horrible things they may have gone through as a child as an adult they know right from wrong.

MangoSeason · 07/10/2021 10:46

My gentle, elderly uncle was brutally beaten to death by 3 men in a random home invasion in 2009. An eccentric, gentle, possibly autistic man who was so law-abiding that he wouldn’t drive for 24 hours after eating trifle with a dash of sherry in it.

I want the murderers to serve 100% of their long sentences. I do not believe they can ever be rehabilitated or ever contribute anything to society. I also feel desperately sorry for them. Not in a bleeding heart way, although I acknowledge they all had the usual history of being horrifically abused as children and all had a degree of FASD.

To do that to someone, you must be missing a part of your humanity and your soul. I can’t imagine any of the three men at any stage of their lives would ever feel peace, contentment, happiness, cheerfulness and joy. They must feel cold every waking hour and I do feel sorry for them as I believe they are dead inside.

Original poster
Seldon · 07/10/2021 10:50

Interesting replies, thanks. It’s not how I thought the thread would go and it seems this mixture of emotions is not so odd after all.

OP posts:
Geamhradh · 07/10/2021 10:56

As pp says, these monsters were newborn babies once. Newborn babies aren't evil.
I think the one shining example of this was the James Bulger killers. They were children. They were children, who, if their mums were on MN, would have been cossetted to glory, no teacher would ever have been allowed to tell them off etc etc.
They were 10 years old. And murderers.
What the fuck happened to them for that to happen? (Rhetorical- I know we know)

Geamhradh · 07/10/2021 10:57

@MangoSeason

My gentle, elderly uncle was brutally beaten to death by 3 men in a random home invasion in 2009. An eccentric, gentle, possibly autistic man who was so law-abiding that he wouldn’t drive for 24 hours after eating trifle with a dash of sherry in it.

I want the murderers to serve 100% of their long sentences. I do not believe they can ever be rehabilitated or ever contribute anything to society. I also feel desperately sorry for them. Not in a bleeding heart way, although I acknowledge they all had the usual history of being horrifically abused as children and all had a degree of FASD.

To do that to someone, you must be missing a part of your humanity and your soul. I can’t imagine any of the three men at any stage of their lives would ever feel peace, contentment, happiness, cheerfulness and joy. They must feel cold every waking hour and I do feel sorry for them as I believe they are dead inside.

That's a very good post. Flowers so sorry for you and your family.
ParkheadParadise · 07/10/2021 11:04

NO
I have no sympathy for Evil Bastards.
My dd was Murdered by an evil bastard. If that happened to your child I doubt you would have any sympathy for evil bastards.
He walked free from court on a not proven verdict. Months later sitting at traffic lights in my home town he walked across the road with his new girlfriend he went on to kill her dog and leave it on the doorstep. I was ready to put my foot down and kill both of us, I didn't care what happened to me and I wanted him dead. Dd2 was in her car seat in the back of the car that's what stopped me.
He died 4 years after from a drug overdose. I was fucking raging that he died from an overdose and no one had Murdered him. I didn't know I was capable of such hatred until I met him.

MeridasMum · 07/10/2021 11:11

@ParkheadParadise

NO I have no sympathy for Evil Bastards. My dd was Murdered by an evil bastard. If that happened to your child I doubt you would have any sympathy for evil bastards. He walked free from court on a not proven verdict. Months later sitting at traffic lights in my home town he walked across the road with his new girlfriend he went on to kill her dog and leave it on the doorstep. I was ready to put my foot down and kill both of us, I didn't care what happened to me and I wanted him dead. Dd2 was in her car seat in the back of the car that's what stopped me. He died 4 years after from a drug overdose. I was fucking raging that he died from an overdose and no one had Murdered him. I didn't know I was capable of such hatred until I met him.
I'm so sorry that you've gone through this Thanks
Geamhradh · 07/10/2021 11:12

@ParkheadParadise

NO I have no sympathy for Evil Bastards. My dd was Murdered by an evil bastard. If that happened to your child I doubt you would have any sympathy for evil bastards. He walked free from court on a not proven verdict. Months later sitting at traffic lights in my home town he walked across the road with his new girlfriend he went on to kill her dog and leave it on the doorstep. I was ready to put my foot down and kill both of us, I didn't care what happened to me and I wanted him dead. Dd2 was in her car seat in the back of the car that's what stopped me. He died 4 years after from a drug overdose. I was fucking raging that he died from an overdose and no one had Murdered him. I didn't know I was capable of such hatred until I met him.
Flowers We've spoken before I think under different user names.

So so sorry.

ssd · 07/10/2021 11:12

I dont ever feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for the victims. People have a choice between right and wrong.

sqirrelfriends · 07/10/2021 11:13

@ParkheadParadise

NO I have no sympathy for Evil Bastards. My dd was Murdered by an evil bastard. If that happened to your child I doubt you would have any sympathy for evil bastards. He walked free from court on a not proven verdict. Months later sitting at traffic lights in my home town he walked across the road with his new girlfriend he went on to kill her dog and leave it on the doorstep. I was ready to put my foot down and kill both of us, I didn't care what happened to me and I wanted him dead. Dd2 was in her car seat in the back of the car that's what stopped me. He died 4 years after from a drug overdose. I was fucking raging that he died from an overdose and no one had Murdered him. I didn't know I was capable of such hatred until I met him.
I'm so sorry Parkhead Thanks

I would feel the same in your position.

Original poster
Seldon · 07/10/2021 11:14

@ParkheadParadise

I’m also very sorry for what you went through

OP posts:
EatSleepRantRepeat · 07/10/2021 11:24

If it gives you any closure @ParkheadParadise, it's very unlikely that killing him would have made you feel better, and lots of evidence you would have felt much worse. It just amplifies the suffering - your family would suffer from consequences for you, the evil bastard's family would suffer even further through the body ID and court process. Hate just breeds more hate.