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Original poster

Just got married in secret

80 replies

MrMrsJones · 05/10/2021 14:37

So this morning I got married to my amazing boyfriend and we haven't told a sole, except our two neighbours.

🥰🥰🥂

OP posts:
Beahappy2a · 05/10/2021 19:36

Congratulations!!!!

I wish I could do the same! Unfortunately I think my partners family would disown us if we did!!!

AlternativePerspective · 05/10/2021 19:46

I’m going to go slightly against the grain here.

While I think that eloping is a great idea, and if I ever get married again I would probably just pop out and do it over lunch, I think that not telling his family and having a fake wedding a year after is wrong. Sorry. And it also has potential implications.

If something were to happen to either of you, in the eyes of the family you won’t be each other’s next of kin. Do you really think that is the time for them to find out you’re married and kept it deliberately secret from them?

What if one of you dies? Again, the family may not want to include the other in making funeral arrangements etc, and being involved is going to mean telling them after the death of their loved one that actually, that loved one was married and didn’t want them to know.

And having a fake wedding so far down the line is just such a sneaky underhanded thing to do. If you’re happy to be married, then why would you want to act as if you’re not?

I don’t get that.

Original poster
MrMrsJones · 06/10/2021 07:26

Because its what we want to do I guess 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 06/10/2021 07:30

And having a fake wedding so far down the line is just such a sneaky underhanded thing to do. If you’re happy to be married, then why would you want to act as if you’re not?

Why's it anyone's business whether they're married or not? They've done it for practical reasons.
Their wedding next year will be to celebrate their marriage. It doesn't matter when they actually signed the legal documents.

Hydrate · 06/10/2021 07:56

Congratulations!

Polkadots2021 · 06/10/2021 07:59

Thus is totally cool. Congrats guys 🎆

Derbee · 06/10/2021 08:14

@AlternativePerspective I agree with you.

I just think about how devastated all our family who love us would be, and I just could not do that to anyone.

AlternativePerspective · 06/10/2021 08:34

But if it’s just for practical reasons then there’s no need to celebrate it at all is there?

I totally get the “marriage is just a contract,” line, but when you arrange a big wedding you do so with the idea that it’s to celebrate the love you have for one another. If that doesn’t come into it then there’s no need for the wedding, and as it’s obviously not important to the OP that the family celebrate the bringing together of two people given they’re not planning to actually tel them and were planning on letting them believe that next year was the actual wedding, I can’t see the point.

If a family member told me that they’d got married yesterday I’d think “good on them.”

If a family member spent a year talking up their wedding, let the family look forward to it on their behalf, talk about how they would soon be married, let family and friends buy new outfits, possibly spend money on travel and accommodation and presents, and it turned out that it was essentially just a party because they were married anyway and had been lying to everyone for a year but didn’t want to say because they wanted the family to come to the party on pretence it was a wedding I’d probably lose all respect for them. And I can’t imagine that people wouldn’t talk about it behind their back.

AlternativePerspective · 06/10/2021 08:35

I mean congratulations on being married and all that, but given you don’t actually want your family to know there’s no need for a wedding, just tell them. You can still have a party.

Original poster
MrMrsJones · 07/10/2021 17:13

We want a "wedding" with all our family and friends and don't want to spoil the magic by telling people we are already married.

OP posts:
TheDuchessOfBeddington · 07/10/2021 17:34

@MrMrsJones

We want a "wedding" with all our family and friends and don't want to spoil the magic by telling people we are already married.
You can’t pretend on the day you know. They’ve really clamped down on that recently. It’s illegal for a celebrant to attempt to deceive the public.

I know of a celebrant that allowed a couple to sign a fake register that they downloaded off the internet, for the purpose of tricking their families (they had got married in NYC the year before for visa reasons). Anyway the celebrant was caught doing this and was removed from the humanist society of scotland and her career was absolutely destroyed.

There is no way a celebrant (or certainly not a man/woman of god) will work with you on ‘the wording’ to deceive your relatives and help you keep the ‘magic’. Not these days anyway.

Honestly woman give your head a wobble, I think the romance of it all is stopping you from thinking straight! Wink

Just tell everyone now. You could send out wedding announcements that double as a save the date for the celebration party.

Notaroadrunner · 07/10/2021 17:48

Let's hope none of the family choose to frame a copy of your wedding Cert for your first (traditionally paper) anniversary Grin

Derbee · 07/10/2021 18:03

@MrMrsJones

We want a "wedding" with all our family and friends and don't want to spoil the magic by telling people we are already married.
An ex friend of mine did this a couple of years ago. Everyone paid for hotels, outfits, gifts, etc etc for a total farce. The couple had got married a few months before, and were tricking everyone into thinking the wedding was the genuine wedding. When we all found out, because you do find out, everyone was furious. None of our group of friends speak to her anymore, and I know she’s fallen out with a lot of her family.
Tulips15 · 07/10/2021 18:11

Congratulations!
My parents did this, well they eloped, on valentines day-36yrs ago!
I love their story!
If I marry, I plan to only have our children present!
Will you have a party with all to celebrate at some point ?

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 07/10/2021 18:30

@MrMrsJones

We want a "wedding" with all our family and friends and don't want to spoil the magic by telling people we are already married.
So you plan to deceive everyone for the next year? Sorry, that level of deception is, for me, unforgivable. I certainly wouldn’t want to come to your sham wedding. By all means marry in secret but please don’t lie to everyone.
Original poster
MrMrsJones · 07/10/2021 18:35

@Tulips15

Yes and this is what people are getting knicker twisted about 🤣🤣

If people find out so what, we will have a lovely day, good food, free bar, good band.

And we say some lovely words in front of our friends and family.

If people ask why we did it a year in advance its because my partner thought he was going to die before the ceremony, no reason to think that but he just did.

OP posts:
DogBirthday · 07/10/2021 18:43

What a bunch of pedants and party poopers on this thread on OP's wedding day Hmm I'm sure she can make something up about Covid concerns etc.

Congratulations OP!! FlowersWine

Abraxan · 07/10/2021 18:46

@Mischance

You are married properly now. If I were you I would skip the big wedding - there are better things for your money to be spent on.

How will you have this "proper" wedding? - you can't register a marriage twice! Auto-bigamy!!?? Grin

We had a church blessing a fortnight after our real wedding several years back. Most, if not all, people did know we're were already married.

However from the ceremony alone you'd have not been able to tell. It was the same service.

We also still 'signed' the register - it was the church register rather than the official marriage registers.

threestars · 07/10/2021 18:53

Congratulations!
Marrying early due to health reasons is to make sure things are sorted legally - I completely understand why your husband would want to do this.
Why should you give up your wish to have a big celebration because you felt it needed to be sped up?
Those who would be furious about turning up to the celebration when the legal bit has already been done are people who I'd rather didn't come at all as it should be a celebration of you as a couple so full of supportive people, not those who think these celebrations are an inconvenience unless everything is done as they think it should be done.
Enjoy the rest of your evening!

Dillydollydingdong · 07/10/2021 18:55

Sounds a bit fishy to me Wink

AlternativePerspective · 07/10/2021 19:07

If people ask why we did it a year in advance its because my partner thought he was going to die before the ceremony, no reason to think that but he just did. sounds like your partner would benefit from some therapy.

GemmaRuby · 07/10/2021 19:15

Congratulations on your wedding OP.

I do think you should re-brand your big wedding as a “wedding celebration” or some such thing and not try to pretend that people are watching you actually get married. Deception is always hurtful, regardless of the reasons.

Derbee · 08/10/2021 10:08

Marrying early due to health reasons is to make sure things are sorted legally - I completely understand why your husband would want to do this

He’s not sick, and he has no reason to believe he is. This is completely bizarre, and implies some sort of mental health issues

Brollywasntneededafterall · 08/10/2021 10:26

If people find out on the day next year I imagine they will be pd off...
Day off work /travel /paying for outfit /spends /childcare..
Then find out it isn't actually a wedding..
Shock
You have done nowt wrong so just tell everyone!!
Congratulations!!

Sweetchocolatecandy · 08/10/2021 11:26

Most couples who marry in secret usually tell people afterwards but you’re not only not telling them but actually deceiving them by making them think they are going to a real wedding next year- when it is actually fake.

Congratulations and all that although personally I couldn’t do that to my own family.